hello.

heyy this is my 200th post!which i think is only 1/3 of huiying's.haha.

i shall do a post of my 2007 too.haha.cos i like reflecting and thinking back the stuff that i went through.

this year has got to be the most unusual and weird and funny and craziest year yet.haha.

for example,i didnt know how but i summoned enough courage to withdraw from school and become a 'dropout'.there was such a 'rebellious' feeling inside me towards my old course.i know i dont want i just know.it was sooooooooo torturous to stay.i just had to go.haha.

and yeah,family wise,i know everything's much better now on my side.i know i did make an effort.so if anyone ask me,hey arent you sad or are you okay?,i can stand up strong and say that ohyes,i did make an effort to change circumstance.i did.sometimes against my wishes,but through all these months,i did.bonding outings,dinners,lunches,stayins,i've done all.and the relationships between all of us improved tremendously. :)

and just want to shoutout to my dear fellow sunday girls.(and i dont care, we are all sunday girls!) you know i just realised its really very heartwarming to know that you girls will always be there.and if no one remembers my birthday,you girls will.and plan all sorts of ridiculous surprises that no one will ever think of.and each and every birthday is so memorable because of you girls.i think if we think back,we can sure remember each of our birthdays.









end to the past,hello to the new.



新的一年了。有怎样的新希望？



对于‘新’这个字，有些人会有恐惧，有些人却非常欢迎。







但我们都可以有机会什么都能从新再来。



就像冲了凉一样，香喷喷地迎接‘新’。







我没什么好说的。。





谢谢你，
每次跌倒你都扶我起来，
害怕时你都会紧握着我的手，
心碎时你抱着我一起哭，
失落时总给我无人能比的安慰，

叛逆时你还是无声地爱着我。

你

是我的全部。

谢谢你，有个美满的２００７，期待与你共度２００８。

“飞过人间的无常，才懂爱才是宝藏”

this morning has got to be the worst,struggling to stay awake and battling the flu virus.

i was so so so so drained out.thought that after christmas can finally rest cos no more rehearsals.but no!its back to work.

just now while working,pasting some stuff,i fell asleep,holding a glue and dripping glue all over.just now i was replying angel's sms and i fell asleep while typing halfway too.not once,but thrice.

and i forgot to take my medicine this morning.

God!i need all the strength and energy!and healing too please.

ytd i stayed up to help ying with some stuff.almost halfway done,then very cek arkly my internet cant work so i couldnt get to hotmail and send to her.

tmr after work i'm gonna run straight home and sleep!

its gonna be merry merry christmas soon!

i cant wait!

this morning woke up feeling a bit wrong and nua and having a bad sore throat so i skipped rehearsals today,dont wanna risk cos the next few days is very important.

after a much needed sleep-in i'm feeling lots better now.its been so long since i can sleep in,no need to worry about anything.

actually come to think of it,the life that i have now is so much different from last time,so slack and really nothing to do.now is like,waking up early for work,after that rehearsals,sat sun filled with church stuff.and i actually like busying myself.at least theres purpose.

have learnt loads over these few rehearsals.the excellence of things in this place,the perfectest performance,people fussing over minute stuff that normally people wont even notice.and to think that all these little things add up to such a great production.

the drama that you'll see,is actually lots of people's hard work and sweat and sacrifice.putting up such a big production aint easy.and its my privilege to be able to witness it.

很欣赏很欣赏创作歌手。

更欣赏像陈绮贞，蔡健雅这类的创作女歌手。可以随意拿起吉他，就这样弹一首又一首动人的歌曲。在台上，散发出那种独特的魅力。唱着自己写的歌与当时的心情，希望台下有某个人能了解。



刚读了蔡健雅新专辑的歌词，她应该经历过不少才可以写出这些歌吧。。

有时侯觉得歌词是创作人一种抒发感情的方法。把“想太多”变成一首首感人的歌。


又再一次觉得，人生，总得经历过每一个感受，才算精彩吧。

这是五月天的信念。渐渐也成为我的。


就像阿信。相信３２岁的他，应该经历了不少。





最近又掀起一阵五月天风。又从新爱上了他们。为爱而生的他们。






－－－
你说，婷婷有一天能不能像陈绮贞＋蔡健雅＋阿信呢？:)
有一点在做梦。哈哈。

i admit,i've not been reading ah xin's blog faithfully for quite some time.so while i was idling ard just now,decided to drop by.and my,i was so impacted by this post.

i dont know why but tears just filled my eyes.because yes,i understand what hes driving at,i really do.and with all my heart,that kind of serenity,is so ____ to me. (i dont know which word to fill in to describe that feeling).

he was talking about the 'Church of the Light' that was featured in Fish's new song, 崇拜's mv.it was designed by this famous Japanese architect Tadao Ando.

i remembered when i first saw the mv a couple of weeks ago,i was so impacted by the serenity of the whole feel of the mv,and how it just pierces through to the audience.and the stunning cross that hung above the water.in short,its a very impactful mv.i think the lyrics is wonderfully written too.

i read on wikipedia that many people commented that the church felt so empty,and it was disturbing.but Ando explained that the 'emptiness' is meant to be something different,a special feeling to transfer people into the spiritual realm,letting the emptiness invading the people's heart so there is room to be filled with the 'spiritual'.

i was so wowed by the whole idea,the whole blog post,the whole mv.

ibm is really a nice place to work in.surprisingly every morning i do not have the usual "i dont feel like waking up" thoughts at all.at most i'll lie in bed for a couple of mins more then get up for work.the people are all very nice!at least i think,for a sk warrior,i wont have any politics going on at my side la.haha.

and all the men so gentlemen la!they'll hold the doors open for you and let you go first that kind.kinda surprising.but my colleagues dont agree with me.haha.

oh,ibm has got this free massage for all employees every tues from 5-6pm.they invite semi-blind people to massage,and i happened to be at the place ytd to monitor.and they are so heartwarming!

their leader is not as blind i guess,so they'll depend on him for directions and such.its so cute when they put their hands on each other's shoulders like a train then they go toilet together and go everywhere together,looking out for each other.

and they are such a happy bunch of people,they'll laugh and chat and be merry in everything that they do.

and they were walking to the mrt together,and seeing them being so dependent on their leader is so touching..if i must close my eyes and just follow a leader blindly,there'll be doubts and fears.but their trust in the leader is so commendable.

they just moved everywhere as a group and help each other out.and it warmed my heart so much ytd. :)

OOOHHH

YESTERDAY WAS AH XIN'S BIRTHDAY!! DEC 6TH!!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH XIN!!!!!


haha.if he one day technorati his name he'll find my blog.lol.

work is so slack la.i finished my mail two days in a row.today even before 11am,just 2 hours after reporting.

then now,i'm slacking away,doing odd jobs here and there.

i've been online shopping.hahaha.and reading blogs,and doing stuff here and there.and sharing online shopping experience with my colleague,who is a mother and she online shops.hahaha.

they listen to 933 everyday (yes!lol) so i've been havin my mini singing session at work everyday.and most of time they are too busy to care about me.lol.

so now.....waiting for lunch time!

after which they'll start giving me stuff to do.cos i think the outside people noticed i've been slacking.for two days.lol.

helloooooo.

oh btw i added the archives part cos i like to go back and read all my previous entries.haahaha.

i miss my mum!

i spent so much time with her last week,shopping for her dress and long sleeves.and it was pretty fun!the thing with shoppin with your mum is that you'll have unlimited source of money.hahaha.whatever i touched,she'll say,if i like then buy it.hahaha.quite cute and fun.

she bought this really stylo dress.haha.i shall help my mum revamp her wardrobe.haha.

she'll only be back next mon!i miss her calling me every evening and ask how about my dinner.and i can always save a lot of money by asking her to dabao.haha.



i remember on sat night,i felt so lonely and sad that i started crying and couldnt fall asleep.i went to bed at 1am ended up sleeping at 3+am.

because my cousins and my aunt and my uncle were all happily playing mahjong downstairs like what a proper family should do,sharing jokes,laughing,passin ard food,and watching the telly together.

and my sis were real late home that night cos she had some production stuff to do.my mum was alr overseas.i smsed my sis saying its so lonely ask her what time shes coming back.i smsed my mum telling her i cant fall asleep what with everyone not by my side,and that i really miss her peanut porridge.

that night was real scary.cos its really one of the nights i really felt so lonely and just didnt belong anywhere.cant forget that feeling.plus the aircon was merciless that night,blasting away when its 25degrees.cold+lonely=not good.haha.



but well,its all over now. :) i guess everyone's got a depressed moment in their lives once in a while right..what matters is that you pick yourself up and face this world with courage again.

THIS IS STILL THE THING THAT MAKES ME EXCITED AND YES!ITS GONNA START IN A FEW MINS TIME!MATCH VS PORTO WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT.



I REALLY CANT WAIT!! :)


anyway hahaha random stuff.'this is anfield' is really quite high one,i can barely touch it. (my sister cant reach it.LOL.)

well i was reading some rich brat's blog just now.and was discussing about them with cally just now.and omg the money they have is like monopoly's money to us la.

seeing their lifestyles,all about partying and clubbing and drinking and having fun and dressing prettily,i'm like,theres soooooo much more to life than all these!

but cant really blame them cos thats the way they are brought up.dont really need to work hard for anything in their lives before.having 12million houses at their disposal and long driveways. (all these can be only achieved in yahoo games).

like the days we spent walking home cos we have no more cash in our ezlink cards to take bus,and to think they have their own drivers?

and the number of holidays we spent working hard and waking up early to go for work,and they have all the time that they want to sleep and go to parties and dress prettily with expensive dresses that we cant even buy with our whole month of wages?

but all i can say is that i'm glad i'm me.i will work hard and make myself a millionaire.not spoonfeed by my parents.it'll be my own hard earned money.and the things that i see and sense and feel is way deeper than all the layers of makeup they have added together.



cheers to life with meaning,not superficially.

hey hey!

hahahaha.i'm a happy girl now.cos my cousin cooked half a pac of maggie for me.heeeee.so nice hor!

but anyway,nowadays i've been soakin up the presence of time magazines.hahaha.its really cool!

and i've been reading about the good and bad moral sides of human beings.

and its so interesting.

they were debating that this 'core of morality' is shared with animals,eg chimpanzee.and the things that they do is the sweetest la!

theres this woman who raised a chimpanzee at home.and it'll climb up her roof very often,so she got to coax it down.she offered food,scolded it,persuaded it and tried all sorts of ways,it just didnt want to come down.

but when she sat down and pretended to cry,the chimpanzee actually came down that instant and ran around the place looking for the 'offender',and it went to the woman and took her chin in his palm,as if to calm her and soothe her down.

after i read this i was like awwww can.that kind of empathy and such that you find in animals is sometimes even greater than mankind.

like,even if your friend really do feel down and all,sometimes we cant even find that kind of genuine concern.

those animals really make me go wow.and thinking,human really has got this thing huh.

this self-centeredness.and this issue on morality.

they were saying too that they did a research on little kids,when a teacher set a rule not to eat in classroom,but when the rule is lifted,they'll happily comply.but when the same teacher told them its okay to push another kid off the chair,they'll think,no the teacher shouldnt say that.

so time was saying we were born with a set of values,but our environments and cultures taught us how to apply them.

thats why we all end up different in our moral system.

hahaha.interesting article.

AND LOY.it was fun talking to you!!!!hahahaha.

AND LAM,i'm sorry.hahahaha.promise you'll not kill me after you know. :)

haahaha.surprise.tingting is not yet asleep at 4.51am.

england match la.aiyo.im very nervous for them can.esp today gerrard captain la.he'll be very disappointed.

its halftime now and england is trailing 2-0!if russia wins..then hosay la.just need a draw la.its so agonising to watch them play.with all the quality they have!

oh,and i just realised the wembley stadium which they are currently playing in now is one of the pictures pastor showed us.lol.

and while waiting for 2nd half,i searched for the pics!

correct right!i remember i was very amazed by the shops-inside-stadium idea that i screamed at it when it was showed.lol.

wooo the pretty arch.haahaha.

and wembley during 'live earth london'!omg!its like smaller than ants la!

lol.i personally think this is sooooooo cool.i'll immediately have this,'GO ENGLAND' feel after seeing it.but was thinking if its 'we are singapore',there wont be much kick.lol.

and remember the inside picture of a stadium pst showed us?its wembley too!it sits 90,000, cost 2,326,676,286 SGD to build!!omg!!

yayyyyyy 2nd half!!!omg.lets hope england learn the style of liverpool and do a magnificent comeback. :)

(and its pretty fun seeing the players sliding all around the muddy field and dirtying their jerseys with mud stains.lol.)

soccer always is an excuse to stay up late.heee.i can just migrate to london and adjust perfectly with my body clock screwed up like this.haha.

---

WOO CROUCH JUST SCORED.CROUCHIE SAVES THE DAY.WOOOO.

tingting needs a job,seriously.

you know,i just dont understand WHY.one day it seems that all the jobs are available and sent dontknow how many resumes.and with good high paying ones too!

BUT.the next few days,there can be absolutely no more news from the companies,AND,even if i was shortlisted,the person who was supposed to give me info abt the interview just disappears!

and just when i thought i have a good job,and i contacted the person and all,they got to tell me that they have no more jobs available.





God!why?

i just need a good job!


BUT i will trust in You.You provide,and You know.i dont know why everything's been dragging for so long,and sometimes i'm real frustrated.i dont know why everything is like against my favour out there,but i know You are trying to teach me something precious.and yes,i'll trust in You.i'll fulfill my pledge.



i'll pray and pray and pray and pray.yes!

i was buying contact lens solution for xiaoting today.the guy who served me actually didnt do much but somehow,he touched me in a deep way.

he wasnt goodlooking at all,his complexion wasnt very good,his hair wasnt the in style,in another words,hes not very eloquent,just not your prince charming type.way off from it.but hes real polite and patient when teaching his staff.

but then,this image just for a moment,warmed my heart so so much.i just suddenly feel the love for him,in a godly way.and it just struck me that its so amazing that we can learn something from everyone.each and every person you pass by,you can actually learn something from them.they have something you dont,something which can edify you.

for a moment,truly understood why each of us is so precious.even though there may be billions of people on this earth,take heart that you are 1/10000000000 and that you have that something that people can learn from and is just so uniquely yours.

its like through all these small little things God was speaking and telling me.and sometimes when i am walking alone,looking and studying all the people around me,my heart just break,theres such a desire to give altar call and see them getting saved.

and God told me today,tingting,start by your friends,spread this love.

i walked out of the shop in such anticipation.i believe in a divine love that will change the world. :)

i loveeee this blogskin dont know why.lol.

it reminds me of ah xin.

and i love the way the time,date,day stand out.(omg so when you scroll down you can actually see that i blog at ungodly hours.hahaha.)

and i just love,the pictures,cos it really reminds me of ah xin.hahaha.

eh,i still think the previous post the "i didnt want to be ordinary" is so cool can.still thinking abt it.lol.

was reading a book today.and i was laughing at this cos it was pretty direct and straight forward and what i am feeling exactly.

----
"whats wrong with that job you got, anyhow?"

i pictured the sales office, the steel desks, the dim, fluorescent lights.

"i didnt want to be ordinary."



hahaaaha.thats why i was so reluctant to apply for admin jobs or some data entry or sales promoter or some retail job,because i feel that theres not much breakthroughs needed and i wont be able to experience a whole new industry or have something extra that excites me,that opens and widens my eyes.office jobs are boring.

but well,after so many months of vain 'labour' in finding jobs,i give up.haaaha.alot people keep asking why am i slacking away and stuff,but eh,the truth is,i sent out thousands (exaggerating) of emails and resumes to various media related companies okay!aiya,but just that maybe the timing not right.so forget it.haha.

i was offered quite good admin jobs today.sent my resume over and waiting for reply.hee.one of them really excites and makes me go wow. :)

tomorrow,which in fact,is today,is my grandpa's 49th day.so my mum is going to the temple and all.yeah.cant believe time passed just like that.but i'm glad i DID make progress.haaaaha.




another para from the book which was quite interesting:

----
"divorce" in latin:in truth, it comes from "divertere", which means "to divert".

i believe that.all divorce does is divert you, taking you away from everything you thought you knew and everything you thought you wanted and steering you into all kinds of other stuff, like discussions about your mother's girdle and whether she should marry someone else.

today's service was awesome.

i tell you a secret k.last time whenever Pst Ulf came,i'll fall asleep during one part of the sermon and i'll feel so guilty.i didnt understand back then why it was xiaoting's favouritest guest speaker,didnt understand why everyone just loves Pst Ulf.

but today when i went,i was determined to really pull something from the man of God.i didnt want to waste any more time,really wanted to listen to every word that he says.and the previous night i slept real late,and surprise!i didnt fall asleep nor feel any ounce of sleepiness at all today.

you know,everything comes from the heart.'a willing mind'.i really really wanted to learn something from Pst Ulf,and when he was preaching up there,i practically hung onto every word that he said.and i was so blessed.

some stuff actually i believe that most of us know or heard before.but i remembered darren in bs he said that sometimes,repeated sermons may be boring to some,but to him,it is even more important than any other sermons because God purposely repeated it so that we can catch something we didnt the last time.

i was totally blown away by what he preached.its like now,everything is a revelation to me.i'm gonna pray and pray and fast! :)

you know,today while praising God,Pst Ulf walked past us.and i have no idea why but i was so impacted that very instant.like whoosh!wow.that aura that he carries,i can even feel an unexplainable joy when he walked past.

and i told God,this is what i'm living for.everything.





you know what,these few months had been really stressful and really stretched me so much emotionally.i just cant believe that i have to go through all these.ytd i just cried and cried and cried.i almost couldnt take it anymore.

i gave up some very precious stuff that arent very right.and actually,i kinda miss my dad in a way.

theres alot of times when i walk alone and wondering wheres everyone?and looking around and found wounds that God needs to heal.

theres alot of times when i look back and wonder,actually what i went through/am going through,is actually really nothing compared to other people's troubles.but it is just something that i need God in.its a hole,that needs to be filled with His love.

and thank God,each and everytime i cry and cry out to God,Hes always there.comforting me.it may sound absurb to some,but hey,Hes so real to me.

right here right now,all i want to say is that,i wouldnt have made it so far without God and what He promised me.

yes,i still need God to heal me.emotionally.

and thank God that each time after every 'crying session',i'll be filled with joy and optimism.

yes Lord,i am willing.

hellooo.haahaha.i'm so happy nowadays.ever since building fund weekend.hee.

what i pledged was really by faith.i have no job yet,zero income,unstable pocket money.but yet,i believe i'll get a super job with high-paying salary,at the same time,i can learn and befriend more people. :)

i've been praying and praying and i know it'll come to pass.

i'm planning to fulfil my pledge in 4-5 months time.i'm really excited at pledging and i just cant wait to give and give.

every night before i fall asleep,i'll lie on my bed dreaming and visualizing the stadium.where the seats are,the super sound system,the uber big LED screen,the pretty ulterior,the pretty toilets! yes!i'm so excited by pretty toilets.hahaha.and all the crazy ideas just run through my mind.haha.

and i'll be like, God!I'm so thankful to be part of this! its so amazing and wow.

i'm so excited and hyped up.whatever that will happen in these few years.

so nowadays,i've been saving money.haha.like,returning home for dinner (can save alot!),asking my mum to help me buy stuff instead of me buying (lol,quite jian.but well,it saves alot too!lol).

yayyyyyyy.looking forward. :)

you know what?life sucks without the language bar.cant wait for my sis to come back tmr so i can use the laptop and use my chinese.

reflecting back,i realised this year,God,to me,is more of a fatherly figure than last year.maybe because of my lack in an earthly one.

and these few days,i feel such a closeness and intimacy that i've never felt before.

and i really cherish it.

i cant believe that 10mins of serious badminton (the rest of the time spent sitting down or just aimlessly aiming with my racket.haha.cos 3/4 of the time i miss it) with jj is making my right hand and legs ache like dontknowwhat.

tingting needs more exercise.

yahar.i'm so into this song now repeated sooo many times.from one o'clock i've been playing this till now.

i really like this song! from kelly poon "在世界中心" .shes sooooo pretty and all!

i'm in sucha good mood now cos of the song.heh.
i shall consider buying the album.support singapore!haha.

i think shes gonna make it big. :)

i think vista is really irritating.i cant see alot of tagboards and blogs.so if you didnt see me tag means i cant access your blog.haha.

omg and liverpool draw with arsenal.thats so irritating.

i wanted to blog in chinese but i just cant find the language bar.which is so irritating.robbed me of my inspiration.


SERVICE was sooooooooooo gooooood!was really really blown away by it.visualizing all the possibilities is just so wow.and i love love to be part of it.what a privilege!right at the heart of what God is doing.just beyond awesome.

HAHA.i'm off.

:)

im so restless now no idea why.haha.and meaningless posts!argh.

well, i wanted to blog because i want to blog.haha.what a statement.

anyway.37:18 min now into the match and i'm falling asleep.liverpool trailing by 1-0.

and the exciting thing is, i'm using window vista.hee.its kinda cool actually.

and its like one of the first times i'm using the comp and tv on at audible volume.cos last time gotta switch on the tv with almost zero audibility to prevent my dad from waking up.

and.i think i'm gonna go sleep soon.i cant stand it already.

just cant understand why arsenal can win 7-0 when liverpool cant even do a 3-0.

new environment is good,if you would ask.

its pretty fun to go home with so many people living near you.

last time,pasir ris was like some remote and ailen place.

but now,it seems like everyone lives in tampines.hee.

just not used to the bathroom.cos its pretty old and stuff.

and the bed.i used to have THICK mattress but now its like,thin ones.that kind they sell in pasar malams.

but its okay.my mum promised to buy nicer ones once everything settled down.

my mum is pretty happy though.at least theres someone whom she can share her cooking ideas with and she can finally cook.cos theres so many people around anyway,its easier too.

pardon me for blogging in such bullet forms.mind's not working at 3.28am.

i really wanted to come up with an inspirational post.

but well,not for a half-asleep tingting at 3.29am.

somehow,the three of us got closer.and we talked more.cos previously,we dont even seem to talk at all cos of all the late nights.

looking forward to lunch at tp.

just finished ft1 and its so good.i love darren.

hes hilariously funny and hes really good at speaking right to the issues of the heart.

yep,moving on to ft2.cant wait.

and i cant believe that hyypia scored another OG again.
i believe it must be a bad feeling.

nowadays,ah xin is like,going for the metro look.haaha.

i miss mayday so much.

wooooo.halftime.

still struggling.

good job man.

i shall....

?

i was clearing the most emotional part of my room today (actually still am clearing).

i nearly cried reading all those little notes and such from everyone!

like cally wrote postcards to me whenever shes bored and will say all kind of rubbish.i still keep that rushed note you wrote way back in sec 2 on my birthday!it was so touching even though one sentence only. :)

and!the most hilarious thing!way back in sec 2 i used to hate zimu alot cos he always bullied me and i wrote this one page long letter to qiqin and elaine.and omg!i still keep the 4-paged long letter that you guys wrote to me!to persuade me and to comfort me!

and and!i found this letter my sis wrote to me la!i'm refusing to read it cos i know i'll cry buckets.

and huiying yingying!omg you guys were the sweetest la.i remember i did this very ugly bunny for valentines in sec 3,and i actually cried.and ying,i still keep the note you wrote to make me feel better!

and huiying!i used to feng yoghurt at one point of my sec 4 life and you actually found a yoghurt postcard and wrote stuff to me.so sweeet!

and not forgetting all the easter/christmas church postcards that ying used to give me faithfully.lol.i cant believe that i keep all of them.

yulan,not forgetting all your complicating cards.hahaha.

i kept all the tickets from london too.every entrance that needs a ticket,i kept them.all the train ride tickets,esp the ticket to charlton vs liverpool match.

and all the silly notes we passed around in class when our lessons were getting boring.



ohman.i really wonder is it a good thing to be so 念旧.maybe not 念旧but..i dont know.i have so many stuff here that just make me smile and remember that precise moment when this piece of 'paper' becomes a memory.

wassup all you.





i'm so busy packing all the stuff nowadays.its kinda useless to ask me out.so dont really bother.cos i'm left with quite alot.we are moving on sat,pushed forward.cos my sis and uncle flying next week while my cousin going australia on sunday.



even though my room is so small,but theres amazing amount of stuff stuffed into all corners of the room.but its actually quite fun cos theres alot of stuff that i thought i lost for good and it suddenly turned up.hee.its kinda fun digging up old stuff.



but i'm such a hopeless in collecting stuff.i collect everything.and when i mean everything,its everything.every little thing that you guys gave me,i kept.i'm such a 念旧 person.theres like 100000000 letters in my small drawer (from p1 all the way to now.).and i seriously dont know what to do with them.i cant bear to throw them away!theres all the memories.



i've become so merciless nowadays.i just throw away.ohman.like all the little notes that people gave me,and all the soccer updates my sis wrote.i threw them away! :(



and,i counted,i have about 63 CDS.thats only counting mine.add my sis and you'll probably get 120 altogether or more.thats like so many la!omg!and now i'm trying to get all the songs over to the laptop.



okay,sorry.just wanna rant everything out.its quite depressing to pack and pack and throw and throw and you realise all that you've got is that pathetic one brown box in your entire life that can count as your belonging.



and yes.yingying cally huiying yulan elaine qiqin LAMJIAXIN yujie and so many others.all those cards that you guys wrote i still have it.i was actually laughing at some of them.lol.



cally,did you know that you wrote this funny little note to me during the O level days?sounding all depressed.hahahaha!it made my day when i reread it ytd.lol.



AND LAMJIAXIN.omg you cant imagine the number of letters we actually wrote to each other.its quite alot.hahaha.

just to upload a few pics.huiying said its emo pictures.but.you got to take some to remember right. :)

heh.the amount of paper.i tried to recycle it but my mum say they bluff people one. :(

waha.all the colourful files from secondary school days.i really dont know what to do with them.


this is the thing that i'll be missing the most.even though its really really messy.but!its so artistic!and the liverpool cutouts at the side (tore everything down today),i actually spent alot of effort!this cupboard is all my CDS and books and sermons hideout. :)


goodbye pasir ris.wait another 6-8 months.i'll be back! :)

HELLOOOO.hee.

service today was awesome!at the last part where pst ask us to write down what we wanna see happening in our lives,i wrote mine down and i just couldnt believe that i actually wrote down what i secretly wished for.and while worshipping i just cried and cried.God said, "You finally wrote that dream down,and I'll make sure you see it coming to pass." and i just stood there,quite shocked.that i actually wrote it down.its like a confirmation,a confession.no more dreaming only.



and well a couple of days ago,i read this which struck me hard:

"A child embarrassed by his mother, is just a child who hasnt lived long enough."

and i was wowed by it and how true is it!

i remember talking about this topic before with ying and she said she made her mum cry when she came to her school to pick her up and she rejected her.cos she was embarrassed by it.

and i remember too how i used to hate parents and teachers meeting cos i just didnt want my mum to come.so i'll always come up with lame excuses like not alot of parents going so she dont need to go, or i really want her to cook that night.hahaha.so my mum came to only one meeting!from my pri sch days till sec sch!haha.

but now its like totally opposite.haha.the contrast.

(nowadays my mum got secret admirer!he was confessing to her over smses!and it was SO FUNNY.my sis and i were giggling away.lol.)


i'm gonna move next week!to my uncle's place temporarily.i'm pretty excited but sad at the same time.

but i'm looking forward to living with my cousins!hahaha.even though one is in army,but i'll still get to see him on weekends.heee.

even though those brown cardboard boxes are pretty depressing.but hey,i'm moving on to a better place!so i'm gonna look forward only.and God will see me through. :)

i think my mum cries herself to sleep quite often.

its really nice to go for bible studies every wed.it keeps me going and darren is really funny.and the way he shares his life experiences really encourages me. :)


just now,i spent all the money left on me on a $1 McDonald's coke.

i walked along boat quay with my $1 coke.and i find the contrast pretty funny-me with my $1 coke,against those beers wine cocktails that those richer people were having.

but somehow,i felt that my coke was still the yummiest around.

and i walked towards the grass patch in the middle outside raffles place MRT station,sat there and finished my coke,staring at all the high-rise buildings around me.

i was so mesmerized by the lifts,the way it zoomed right up to the topmost floor and down again.

and looking up,wondering whats the view up there at the topmost floor.i should be like an ant to the person up there.


actually since young,high high high buildings always amaze me. :)

just sharing my thoughts. :)

zhang tingting, you cant be addicted to online shopping anymore. you cant go and click every link, and start looking. and hesitating whether to buy or not. because you have no more money left. life is more than online shopping. so zhang tingting, CONTROL!

i suddenly miss my old phone so much.the one i lost. :(

at least i have pictures to upload every other day.

and and and,its a good phone!







but well,life is still good.


btw,i realised army can have such a different effect on guys.maybe cos i've always been in church so the guys will go army,and even though there may be transition periods here and there,but they mostly stay the same.at least not the drastic kind.

so i really do believe that army changes people,becoming mature and all.

but i realised too that sometimes,its only a portion of people.it all depends on how you look at it.

cos,after talking with my cousins for the 5-days period,they changed loads man.like,really loads.realised instead of being influenced on the good side of army,they became even more childish and not grown-up at all i almost shook my head in disbelief.

like,all four of them smoke.one still saved la,but almost that kind.

and thats really very shocking considering they started out being really innocent and were the ones so against smoking.

but realised too that sometimes they smoke cos they wanna grab attention and think its a really nice feeling that people get surprised to hear they smoke.

and loads of mindsets and thoughts that are so so so wrong and childish i spent half of my night talking to one of them to tell them to grow up and talked sense into them.


people really change with different environments.

okay.today marks the day of my grandpa's last day on earth. (at least in bodily form).

and btw,i just feel that this post is going to be really long.haha.

well,i cant explain why.but the whole 5 days was tiring and tiring.no idea why,considering we had nothing much to do.but it was so draining physically and mentally i seriously doubted i can last for 5 days.

and the most exaggerating thing is,sat's ritual actually lasted from 11am all the way till 10.30pm.with 1 hour/half hour/20 mins break in between.it was crazy like dont know what.but the whole thing was a whole new experience as well.learnt lots of stuff and felt that i went up another level.

(oh btw,before i get into those stuff,felicia chin and tay ping hui and joanne peh and chen tai ming came!hahaha.and i shook felicia's hands shes omgly pretty.and tay ping hui said 'thank you' to me when i served him peanuts.hee.)

these five days,so many thoughts running through my mind.i just cant add them together to come to a conclusion.but well,one thing that really impacted me alot was this:



LIFE
__________________________________________

DEATH



life and death.its only separated by one thin line.theres no going back.

i still cant forget the image of my grandpa,still alive.so happy to see me visiting him,but yet,dont have the energy to say anything to me,with all the oxygen mask and countless tubes sticking into his bruised hands.

and the next thing i know,he's lying there,dead,but with a little life still left,supported by all the medicine and machines.but hes already not breathing and his heart stopped beating.

and the doc declared him dead at 2.29pm.after waiting for all of the family members to be present.

and the next image was of him,lying there like a mummy.the nurses used white cloth to wrap his body up.

after that,its like what i always used to see on hongkong dramas,us identifying the body in the mortuary,the body all stiffened up and lifeless,like the bodies in CSI.

and then,we were all doing the rituals.and as i passed by the coffin,seeing his sunken face and lifeless body,it saddened me so much.





we breathe everyday.our heart beats every min.

and i came to realise,its all so precious.
it got me really impacted.





today was the cremation.

and the idea that grandpa's body is gone in the fire,and all that's left of him is his photograph,it made me tear.

today my uncle told me,we were born into this world carrying nothing,and we leave carrying nothing as well.

and as i witnessed the cremation,was just thinking about it.and..its so true.my grandpa left with nothing.

as he was pushed into the fire,flashes of my grandpa flashed through my mind.though i was never close to him,but he still loved me.and i'll always remember his smiling face,hugging me,his moustache pricking into my cheek as he kisses me.





i learnt so much over these few days that i can never learn elsewhere.

i made such a big step towards God.everyday,i thank Him that i'm alive and kicking.every morning,i thank Him that its a new day that He has made,i will rejoice and be glad in it.






how can we cherish?

i remember reading a blog post my sis posted ages ago after her birthday.
she said that she love the family alot.but she knows that one day,we'll be gone.thats why shes doing her best to cherish.but she was asking,if she cherished more,isnt it saying that it'll be even more painful when we're gone?




------------------

Dear God,

even though i may not understand the mysteries of life.but i still wanna thank You for everything.

you know,its such a honour,today,being able to rush down for service and rush off again.like what pst kong said,"peace that surpasses all understanding".

i cant thank You enough.the very thing that You gave me life.and the unexpressable joy.i felt so happy today at church.that is where i belong.

you know the things that run through my mind.i may not have answers.but i know its all part of your masterplan.

if one day i'll die and be cremated like my grandpa,i just want to let you know that i'll be thankful..that my body is just a symbolism of my life on earth..that i still have eternity with you.

thank you again..for life.for every breath.for every heart beat.

everything that i'm living for.and everything that i am.

thank you for such a precious lesson learnt.

i may not grasp hold of the whole 'cherish' thing yet.but Daddy,i want you to know that i really do cherish what you gave and promised me..as i cross 2 years with you,i come to realise more and more everyday that what i have with you,i cant find anywhere else..

i'm so proud to have you as my big and perfect Daddy. :)

突然想用华语。

刚刚在电视上看到阿信，心里一阵开心起来。

发现，太久没去他的博客了。

读了后，只能用“不可思议”来形容。又上了一堂心灵课。





----
也发现到，我的华语退步了。

this came through my mail, a Max Lucado subscription.and i think its really heart-warming and true:

"When desperation typhoons into your world, God’s offer of a free flight home demands a second look. John 3:16 morphs from a nice verse into a life vest.

Some of you are wearing it. You can recount the day you put it on. These words have kept you company through multiple windswept winters. I pray they warm you through the ones that remain."

i like the image of a 'life vest'.and so often,it is so true.

somehow,i feel in my heart that i'm being prepared for something.just that something that's gonna happen.i've no idea what.but just that.

anyhow,a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you my darling jiaxin!haaha.okay.sorry i didnt drop a sms.cos i'm pretty pissed by my phone nowadays i just dont feel like touching it.your s-u-r-p-r-i-s-e is ooonnnn the wayyy!hahaha.but it may take some time yeah!and i'm sure you'll be reading this.haha.you are one of the silent readers around.

and yes,while bathing just now,i realised i talk to myself alot.like really alot.and all the time.and nowadays my fave topic with myself is trying to think of a perfect blog post to end this year.and how i'll evaluate this year.no idea why i'm 3 months ahead.haha.and i'll argue within myself.haha.

maybe cos nowadays i'm running over what happened this year alot.and what i've learned from the various events.

its pretty cool to reflect.

and,not being pessimistic in any way.but i just feel that my grandpa wont survive this year round.he can hardly talk now.with all those tubes stuffed into his throat.and his stomach is like,huge.

i dont know what to say..but.its really miles away from his past.happy seeing me visiting him again and such.

well,lesson learnt: drinking is really really bad for your health.

heyhey youyou.

just wanna blog about random stuff.
really random.

1) like,last week i was eating satay.and you know,theres always cucumbers and onions at the side?but we always refuse to eat it.(at least,for me.) and yeah..my mum bought satay frm east coast for me last week,and i was complaining to her i dont want the cucumbers,and she was like,just try eating a few slices,treat it like a fruit.

and i unwilling tried it,with lots and lots of satay sauce.and i realised..it tasted pretty good!seriously good.its crunchy and fresh.

2) its really nice to joke around and talk with your mum.i couldnt do it back then. its such a chore for me.but i replaced all the bad thoughts with good ones slowly and man,now whenever i see my mum do stuff,i'll be like, "thats so her!so cute!".hahaha. (eg. the habit of using her hands to sweep away all the dirt on her bed before sleeping even though no one touched her bed at all.)



so the moral of the story is.sometimes,a lot of things,it requires effort and energy to turn and change our mindset.like cucumbers can be really yummy.and rebellion can be changed to joking around.


theres always 360 degrees to every point.there can be 360 ways to look at each and every thing in our life too.

so dont give up!keep keeping on.the stuff that you are studying now may be precious knowledge that you may require in the future. :)

i was dreaming yesterday..

about how we have this fab house,with pretty interiors and with sunlight streaming into the house,so warm and welcoming.

and every night,my dad will tuck me to sleep and my mum will read me a goodnight story.and i'll fall asleep so peacefully.

every morning,my mum will draw my curtains and let the pretty sunlight shine on my just-awakened face.and the whole family will gather at the dining table and have good breakfast together,complete with french toast,eggs,and a cup of milk.

and every evening when everyone comes home,we'll wash up and complete our day's work while waiting for dinner to be served.we'll gather around the dining table again,laughing the day away and eating delicious dinner whipped up by my mum.

after dinner,we'll all gather in front of the tv and watch our fave tv programmes,while telling each other our problems we encountered during the day.then,one by one,we go to sleep.

and even if one of us does something wrong,my parents will teach her in a peaceful and acceptable way,understanding that children do need space too.

and we'll continue to live without a care,happily ever after.

but happily ever after doesnt really exist in reality.in the end i woke up and realised its all a dream.it'll be really cool if my 'dream can come true'.

its torturous and so unloving here.

but well,i made a decision deep in my heart that i'll always be forgiving and optimistic.

when i die,i want to be remembered as being the most optimistic girl that my friends ever know.well,its hard.but its this small little determination in my heart that keeps me going.

thank You. :)









anyhow,i learned something new today!

i was reading a book and there was 'sceptical'.but i remembered 'skeptical' instead.and i realised they are actually two same words too!hahaha.a bit lag la.but ya.better late than never ma!

skeptic looks nicer!haha.

SLEEEEEPPP! i shall adjust my body clock back to normal timings again.

goodbye to unhealthy lifestyle! :)

hello fellow noonims,hyungs and even ahjussi(s) and ahjumma(s)! :)

sorry.caught the korean fever.korean is like so nice la!but no,i still dont feel like visiting korea.haha.

btw,the above four ailen words the meaning is as follow: noonim is a word for girls,dont know the meaning. hyung is used when you consider the opposite is real brother.ahjussi is to address guys older than you. ahjumma is for older women. :) cool hor!

and,i think i'm really crazy.due to the excessive korean 'coffee prince' that i'm watching,sometimes i realise i listen to korean more than chinese/english in a day.so,today when i went orchard,seriously everyone seems to be speaking korean.

as in,up until the point i called cally and asked if koreans are on vacaation or something.i heard at least 13people speaking in korean in far east,and i'm not even kidding!

then i realised i must be imagining things.haaha.its pretty funny.

so my whole point in this post is,well..i've caught the korean fever again!after goong and da chang jin.hahaha. :)

hey!

i just realised 4 days ago,its my 2nd anniversary spent with Jesus.heeee.it seems like ages but its only two years.still got eternity to go. :)

anyway,i thought today was a good day spent.i helped my mum out in some stuff and its real satisfying to hear your mum praise you!haaha.and then i spent some good time reading up on the free gift that time sent me.its a book on 'exploring the unexplained'.its really exciting!at first i only wanted to flip through but i ended up reading almost half of it.

and,i was reading their articles on spiritual matters like supernatural healings,casting out of demons,exorcism etc. (anyway even Benny Hinn and Oral Roberts were mentioned!) and i was kinda amused by it.

you see,science has got people so divided.and sometimes,i find it real amazing.it always tries to prove things with methods in the scientific way.and when some stuff (eg, laying of hands,supernatural healings) happened and cant be explained,it gets really angry and blames everything on man's own psychological and mental state.

for example,they were rather divided in the area of supernatual healings,and they blamed it on the "placebo effect",where one gets healed when his belief in a cure translate into actual improvement.

i dont know why but i think its really funny how some people really are desperate to prove things in a "earthly way",if not,they'll blame it on some unknown or unexplained mental state one is in.

and that got me thinking why.cos i always believe that no matter how advance technology is,and how scientists are getting more pro in 'psychology' and theres even people willing to pay big bucks to study psychology,theres always a limit and up to a point where all these 'sciences' can prove.just like how i cant possibly know what you are exactly thinking right now.(unless theres some really super invention that can read people's minds that i dont know of)

and thats probably the reason why these skeptics try all means and ways to prove believers wrong,and when they fail,they point to man's own mindset and their psychological state.

oh,and i just realised,even 'psychology' is a type of science.

well,just to share what i've been thinking about all night.its really interesting to note how this world always want 'truth' and the 'real reason' behind everything and all the things that are happening on our dear planet earth.they just simply cant leave anything unexplained.

its so interesting!hee.

i shall sleep now.chorus board training tomorrow. :) goodnight!

HELLO.

well,God really does wonders sometimes.today before cell group i was actually very free and i didnt want to spend my time sleeping away so i thought that i should just spend the time praying myself up for cell and just to spend time with God.

for that short period of time it was so amazing.how i just confessed everything and then felt His presence so strongly and tears was like flowing nonstop.it has been quite some time that His presence was so tangible to me during my own time with Him.so yes,just to encourage you guys that we should all expect something from God everytime we do our qt and He really sees our hearts and answers them. :)

AND!something really exciting happened!

i finally got to the bottom of the mystery of 'learned' and 'learnt'!!
i was like,so troubled by it that i actually went to research about it.

the truth is,theres actually no difference between learnt and learned.

things that i've found:

-Learned and learnt are basically the same. They are both used as the past tense form and past participle of "learned".
-American speakers mostly use "learned" for the past and the verbal past participle, while "learned" and "learnt" share roughly equal among British speakers.

and there was actually an American guy who commented that in his part of town,"learnt" and "spelt" are seldom used,but while they are pronouncing the word,they often use 't' to end the word cos it sounds more alive.

wow!isnt it cool??and for 17 years i didnt know!

plus!i love national geographic and discovery channel!they are my fave channels nowadays.

i was watching the tornados documentary and man!those guys are so daring!they drive straight into the action!as close as my house to pasir ris mrt!considering that tornados travel at 300miles/hour,its really quite something!

and they wanted to deploy this device to shoot some pictures of the inside of the tornado and another instrument to measure the biometric pressure inside the tornado or something like that.

and they discovered they were only 82 seconds away from death after they collected the instruments!i was really wowing at the tv while watching just now!like WOW.

tornados is one of the most spectacular but devastating natural disaster to ever hit our dear planet earth man.the speed and how houses are torn apart was mind-blowing!and the best of all is that those people spent THREE YEARS trying to wait and plan for the perfect timing and condition for those images!and just for a couple of hours! wow!

and to end this post!

20 of this plant can refresh the air in the average house in just 24 hours:

it is the spider plant!yay!buy more of this for your house next time!it proved to absorb lots of carbon monoxide too! :)

learning new things is like fun fun fun!

oh yesss! :) today's my first time witnessing the whole chorus board operating and its really pretty cool.haha.behind-the-scene.

anyway after fellowshipping we went lasalle!the green grass patch!and spent a lazy afternoon/evening playing monopoly and sleeping.lol.

but the exciting part is after that we ended up playing AEIOU and 'eagle catch chick' and 'ice and water'.SO FUN LA.brought me back to my primary school days.

such non-expensive fun that sometimes we just forget about.all we need is loads of space to runnnn.dont even need to spend a single cent.i was pretty glad we ended up playing those childhood games instead cos we would have spent big bucks on mind's cafe for the same amount of fun.just that its more tiring. :)

was thinking..as singapore is trying to build resorts and casinos and all to rival that of Las Vegas,apartments and more luxurious hotels will spring up in our midst,how will the next generation of childhood games be like?

sometimes,i dont think singapore is conservative.but somehow this sudden 'upgrade' into this 15million tourists-attraction country and $30billion in tourists' spending is like so sudden.(anyway just read the newpaper on the IR's plans in sentosa and it really looks fab! imagine london's toy shop HAMLEY's in singapore!thats like so exciting!)

perhaps next time our kids dont even know what is AEIOU or 'ice and water'.all they know is expensive fun,instead of things that give simple pleasures.

of course,all these benefits the economy.but i really wonder sometimes,what kind of culture will be slowly rooted next?

one thing's for sure,i'll surely bring my kids out to play stupid games like AEIOU and 'ice and water'. :)

eh actually hor,i actually didnt want to talk about all these at first.but somehow everything came out.haaha.

but yes,i really do enjoy running about and playing catching.help to lose weight too.haha.

:) yay!lets play stupid games again!

hellllooo.hahaha.i changed blogskin as you can see.

well i guess i'm not that 'click-here,click-there' kinda person cos i got really irritated with my blog just now when i got to 'click-here,click-there' to get where i want to go.

HAHA.i think some of you will probably moan and all thinking, 'tingting is going all grey and boring again'.but well..i really like this!alot!haha.now you know hows tingting like.

as in,i dont mean to say that i'm boring (eh if you really think so then i dont know what to say.lol.) i just dont like the limelight and all to be on the beautiful blogskin but on what i'm writing instead.so ya.not as exciting at all. :)

AND.this motivates me to put some pictures up cos it really is quite boring without any pictures.lol.and somehow,this skin really makes the pictures look good.at least to me.heee.

but my hero is always him.the one so willing to dive right into tackles. :)

i shall blog about something that changed my life unknowingly.

i grew up with it and it has been like this 'background' shadowing me all along.it greets me upon reaching home and fills the emptiness in this house during dinners.it brings me swinging up and down with my emotions.eh,it sounds like a riddle,but haha,its the radio la.

today i just randomly switched on the radio and was switching between the 3 chinese channels (i just cant listen to english ones really.),waiting for THE song.you know its such a joy and excitement to hear your fave song playing through the radio,and that kind of connection?singing to your heart's content..

and really,i remember theres this slogan 933 came up with,something that goes along the line of,somehow,there'll always be this song at that exact minute that you can connect and totally describes your emotions at that point of time.i find it totally true!there'll always be a song out there that can help you express what you've gone through and felt.

even with the such advanced technology to podcasts ipods itunes online downloading limewire and whatnots,i still choose the radio anytime.its this classic feeling that you cant forget.and even if i still love my ipod,sometimes,you'll find it such a chore to find a playlist that you can truly connect to at that point of time.

radio is like totally different.its almost like a 'reward system', where your patience pays off when THE song is played.while enjoying other songs that connect instead with other people listening.

radio is like,my cheap karaoke set at home.i used to know all the hits,big ones small ones.cos seriously i listen to 933 everyday.whenever my mum cooks,when dinner is served,sunday morning while my mum is ironing the clothes,while studying,when my family just dont feel like watching tv.so i used to like,can identify a song within 5 secs into the intro that kinda thing.

now is like,i need to listen 30sec?haha.

but the point is,i realised that this 'radio' is like this link between all of us at home.like the answer to the sometimes too-loud silence around.and even as we all grow up,reaching home later,this 'radio' is forgotten and pushed back into the background.

reminiscing the past..

and actually,this radio really motivated me in studying chinese and all.haha.made me interested.

so yes!i love listening to the radio. :) its such an amazing invention.haha.

Create your own Friend Test here

okay now for the post that i wanna share.

wed's bible study really impacted me alot.and wow,the crowd was overwhelming,theres around 3-4 brothers who had to stand throughout the onehour odd long bible study cos there wasnt enough chairs,but even if theres chairs,there wasnt enough room to accommodate.i was so pleasantly surprised!its the first time ever.

but its a good problem i guess. :)

well,towards the last part,darren actually talked about a verse that i didnt quite get still.and he was explaining the real meaning to that verse and it was such a revelation!then he shared his testimony and how his dad got saved even though he was all cynical about darren's faith at first.

and he said,he was wondering why God always divides the believer from the family and let him go through persecution and stuff when He loves both parties?

then he said this that really impacted me alot:
God first divides to reconcile on the right values.
--to divide the right from the bad,to divide the righteous from the unrighteous.

well,it has everything to do with what i believe in.what i've been through what i'm forced to face.everything's very rocky back here at home.my house finally got sold.moving where to i still dont know we havent found a place yet.but well,nights were spent arguing over the division of the money.

it was the first time i saw my dad cry.first time i saw my sister cry.not the first time i saw my mum,still trying to be strong in front of me.theres obviously this crack between both sides,due to the many years spent not communicating and understanding each other,thus this division in ideas.

i stood at one corner watching the whole episode happening in front of me on wed.i can totally see and understand both sides.but you know,in an argument,it doesnt matter who win,but if theres an agreement that is to be reached by both parties.

theres even times when i lie on my bed,staring at the ceiling,late in the night,wondering what is it that i'm holding on for?why am i still so optimistic even though everything looks bleak?why am i still believing and having trust in God that everything will be fine?

but always,i'm like the only one believing.

but still,you wont ever see tingting giving up or getting too messed up by this whole saga.yes,it'll probably be really messy from now onwards,what with all the procedures and signing of all the papers.arguments,people screaming at each other's faces,tensed up atmosphere at home..i've been facing all these all along.its a terrible feeling.

but God.
already gave me the victory.
already promised me He'll walk this long stretch of road with me.
was there when i really needed someone to understand and comfort me.
is always faithful.
gave me the hope and joy that this world cant take away.
made me whole.

and even as i'm typing this right now,i can feel my eyes filling up with tears.

you who are reading this now will probably never understand how i feel.but its okay,cos my Daddy does.

its such a joy,that after experiencing all these,i know i can find Him in that secret place,waiting for me,embracing me,fulfilling all that i ever need,reassuring me.He's so real.

thats the reason why tingting doesnt fear or worry or feel sad.cos i'm staying optimistic as long as God is with me. :)

eh,centre parting was quite 'in' last time no?haha.i thought everyone had this sort of style before.

HAHA.the pretty one!

actually hor,hairstyle is very important.

the greatest captain on planet earth doing his thing.(i'm biased.haha.)

can you feel the emotions almost at bursting point?haahaha.

i've been like listening to mayday and chen qi zhen's song for the past few days.its really so nice!seriously!just now the play count was 6,now its 25 already.haha.

and its a weird and nice feeling.like last time you were so close to a friend and then,you guys drifted (or more like,decided not to be so close) then after some time you guys talk and man,its such a nice feeling to see them doing well and stuff.

haaaa.okay its random.

---

okay.i've been staring at this screen for 37 mins deciding on what to blog.

random: suddenly thought of arthur miller's "enemy of the people" quote: "without power,what good is the truth?"

truth: conformity to fact or actuality.

yet,in so many circumstances we just want the truth.

because truth sets us free.

okayyyyy i dont know what got into me.

i really think jay chou is very talented and worthy to be celebrated.

i just realised celebrity sama sama with celebrated.

hmmm..isnt it interesting?haha.celebrated celebrity.coool.

HEY YOU.
i was reading yujie's blog and ohman!i suddenly feel like blogging!cos i miss london totally!

and yes marcus,i know you can relate.lol.

more than being in a place where no one knows who are you,its just the pace and the buildings and the weather and the SHOPS(YES!I MISS HARRODS.AND ALL THE COOL SHOPS SELLING CLOTHES I CAN NEVER AFFORD NOW.) and the hothot hot chocolate or mocha and TOPSHOP(its still the most amazing i've ever seen) and the underground! and all the stuff seriously i cant find anything that i dont miss from london. :(

sitting in the rented room back at holborn street (i think its spelt like that) uploading all the pictures and getting excited.

and the hype!all soccer-crazy over there.i mean,whats the point of going london if you dont catch a match??

and i miss waking up and wearing all the longsleeves and wearing my boots and setting off excitedly!

and harrods!

I SHALL GO LONDON AGAIN SOON SOON.

okay i got to run,peter is arriving real soon to fetch me to kallang.haahaha!cant wait!

OH.i remember already!my grandpa is out of the hospital already.1week plus in the hospital.my mum was commenting that hes gonna be like that from now on,going in and out of hospitals.

and its really scary cos everyday when you go and visit him,he'll tell you a different story.like the other day when i went he was like narrating how his father (who passed away like,100000years ago) wants to visit him and how his older brother (who passed away 90000years ago) visited him at 4-5am and wanted money from him and how he kicked him away.

and he was going on about all the late relatives wanting to visit him and all.

hes so skinny and bony now that its kinda hard to imagine him being the chubby and big-belly grandpa i grew up knowing.

hello ha ha ha(it sounds like a big fat old man,really.lol).

okay,your beloved zhangtingting is officially down with flu.hahaha.ying commented that its very very rare to see me with flu.with all the rubbing of the nose and all.hahaha.i was practically dying just now so tired and all from all the sniffing and rubbing.and i woke up with a bit of fever this morning too.

but i'll be alright!hee.i just ate flu medicine.it causes drowsiness so i may fall asleep anytime.haha..

and theres so many books to read i dont know which to start first on and all.

happy birthday cally loy kai lei.
hope you'll have a big fat birthday.lol.i mean..in the chinese sort of way la!hahaha..i think you are like,so touched.and i was trying hard to not burst or something cos i needed the toilet badly outside your house just now!

anyway,its like,a scene that i think its real heart warming.so one week or so ago i was like,sweeping the floor,while my mum took time out and watched tv.so you can like,imagine me sweeping the floor around the living room while my mum qiaoed her legs and watched tv.very heartwarming right!the scene!so i decided to do housework more often now cos its a blessing to see your mum resting after her work while you slog it out for her instead.

HAHA.cally+ying+me all blogging at the same time same place.lol.

anyway!i forgot what i want to say already.so goodbye.lol.
back to trying to find out how to write a resume.

and somehow,i am so amazed and wowed by jay chou nowadays.haha.
and!i still like ke you lun alot!

and i miss gerrard and co. so badly. :(

my grandpa's in hospital.in quite serious condition apparently.his liver hardened up so alot stuff cant work too.

its actually a very scary trip cos he cant really recognise me and his hands were all tied up cos he'll struggle and he'll bleed.and he tried very hard to stand up to free the cloth pulling him so theres alot of scratches and bruises around his elbow that hes even bleeding so alot of bloodstains on the bedsheet too.

he refused to listen to the doctors and nurses cos he insists hes okay dont need medications anymore so he'll actually hit the nurses trying to help him.so it looks pretty bad.my mum and uncle keep saying i should go and see him more cos we really dont know how long more.

then on the way home in the car,heard that the pang an bang got heart attack or something so hes in hospital now in singapore and the wife was describing the condition.

everytime after a visit to a hospital,it'll hit me hard that life is really so fragile.

and we are made in the sense that every little detail is so important.like who knows if this protective layer over your whatever important vein which can not be visible to the human eye is gone then suddenly you have a very serious condition where you can die.

like our body can have so many veins,blood vessels,our heart,liver,kidney,lungs etc.theres so many things in our body.and actually come to think of it,every little thing in our body is so delicate and fragile and susceptible to all kinds of attack.

i dont know if i made my point or you got my point but seriously,we are such complicated beings trying to simplify 'life'.

HELLO!

haaha.just want to comment that its really kinda scary to be so absorbed in doing something that when you suddenly look out the window,its like,night time and dark already.lol.

well for quite sometime now i've not been able to read stuff properly,like i'll take several minutes just to read one paragraph and absorb it.and i'll be very irritated so i give up reading after a while.then xiaoting told me cos i've not been using my mind should start doing some meaningful stuff instead of watching tv.hahaha.

shes so right man.haha.like today i tried reading a book and wow.i can read faster now!haha!so i'm really happy today cos its like,getting back my sense of reading.HAHA.

so i'm now even more motivated to finish reading all the books i was supposed to finish long time ago and all those outdated time magazines! :)

yay!

and i'll start to find a job real soon.like real soon.

AND.i think its time that i be a good daughter and help out in household chores.hee.i shall sweep the floor now! (actually its not sweep la,its the magic clean thing,but how to describe the action?haha.)

HAHAHA.as i was typing 'household chores' just now i felt totally weird cos i've not been seeing this phrase for a long long long time.so i thought i used the wrong phrase or something and i called cally up and we were laughing about it.lol.cos its really true that all of us never do household chores!hahaha.

well..i bought mayday's latest cd.its actually the tour's live dvd and such.its like i just suddenly realised as i flip through the lyrics book that they are growing to be broader.in the sense when you listen to their old songs,its about love between people,dreams,life in general.now its like a bigger picture like watching this earth from a spaceship and observing.its like..getting bigger and bigger.

and they always never fail to amaze me..haaha.

i always love reading all the little writings in between songs and before the lyrics..and man,suddenly remembered what pastor preached, what do you do more than others?

and everytime i read what ah xin said and wrote.be it his blog or the songs..i'll be so inspired.to read up about everything on this earth,to read all the forgotten time magazines at home,and all the books in the library.

i think knowledge is a very powerful thing.its not just a fact to me now its like a revelation.
these people,they read,they experienced,they thought through.
and see how are they impacting asia now.

what do you do more than others?

人生演化成万把个被地心引力牢牢锁住的日子。
只记得，在梦中，我狠狠地否定了地心引力。

its written in the album.i think ah xin wrote it.

OH,digressing!i'm very very very sure track number 16 is from singapore's concert!

well,a quiet and moody-looking sunday evening.whats there to do but play some mayday song and get in touch with your soul?hee.i love moments like this.

omg..haha.the last track.is techno.some dj remixed it.sorry,but i still cant accept techno.haaha.

and ya,i have a weird habit.haha.like whenever i import songs into my itunes and see my mayday songs' genre is 'world' or 'pop',i'll be very angry and change it to 'rock'.hahaha!

peace,hope,love,joy,freedom,liberty

in the midst of chaos and unrest,i always find Daddy overwhelming me with all those. :)

OMG JUST TO SHARE THE EXCITEMENT HARRY POTTER WILL BE OUT

TOMORROW!!!



OKAY,LIKE WHO DONT KNOW.HAHA.BUT I'M REALLY SOOOO EXCITED!!I'M GONNA BRING IT EVERYWHERE I GO SO I'LL FINISH IT!!YES,THE TOILET TOO!!HAHA!!



eh,but means hor,i'll finish the harry potter series already.BUT STILL!WHOS GONNA DIE MAN??HAHAHA.IM SO EXCITED.



MY SIS JUST SMSED ME SAY TOMORROW 7AM CAN COLLECT ALREADY.



FOR THE SAKE OF HARRY POTTER,I'LL ARISE AND SHINE EARLY TOMORROW! :)



okay going to eat my mac now.broke my promise to myself actually.cos i promised myself one fast food per week but now its two already.its okay,theres progress.haha.



YAY.

awwww wongyulan i'm so addicted to your leehom now.hahaha.actually only one song la.the gai bian zi ji.ITS SO NICE OMG.hahaha!go youtube it or something.heee.

i love the rock one!the electric guitar!but i think yulan will like the suspenders and bass one.hahahaha.

wahseh that song is so addictive!

i like the whole idea of the song!cos before the song he wrote stuff in the album.he said that even though his strength and all may be small but he believes that it can change something.AIYA.translate to english so not nice!!hahaha!but its so inspiring in chinese!

thats what i love about chinese language.its so direct.short and sweet.and the rest is for you to imagine.but you'll get the message,strong and impacting.

hahaha.

hello

i lost my phone.
someone stole it.
at topshop.
opposite pull and bear.
where marcus lost his too.

hahaha.

okay i was so very angry and sad la.it was just like spilt second kinda thing.i was with mingxun and yulan.and after 10secs (around there i'm not exaggerating) after i replied my mum,i looked for my phone and its gone already..

omg.i was so shocked can.its like..first time.and i was crying so loudly there.yulan said it was very shi tai but seriously i just lost my phone can!

its actually very weird to think that this person will be using what i used.like..you know?that kinda uneasy feeling?i so totally dont understand why people steal.i feel so sad for their parents..ohman.

and right,cally and huiying,actually i didnt inform like,everyone too.i just called my mum and sis and a couple of other people.i called marcus.haha.cos i know he'll make me feel better.cos he knows everything and he somehow,sincerely feels sorry for you.as in,you can feel it one la.haha.so i felt so much better after calling him cos he started going on about what i should do and what not to do and blahblah.hahaha.hes always so good with phones and such.haha

so now its tues and mym mum actually promised me to go singtel with me to get the sim card but she called and said shes tired then wait till saturday..

so i was kinda..angry.but i shouldnt.so i shall control.hahahaha.life is still beautiful.

its really weird to live life without a phone.haha.like if you are going to meet people you got to arrange everything before you leave the house and you cant be late.

and its a pretty paranoid experience waiting for people without a phone.

and i feel so cut off from the world now!seriously!like when i used to see something funny i'll always take out my phone and sms yulan or someone but now its like..my best friend missing. :(

oh yulan,i wanted to sms you ytd that leehom's new album is pretty cool.my sis's bf bought it so i have it now.haha.and the 4 characters mv i told you about IS SO COOL MAN.haha.seriously!go and youtube it!haha.

ahhhhhh.i'm having cramps and stomachache together now!ohman...

anyway,i prayed that the person who stole my phone can repent from it.and if he really repented,and start to use more money to help save the world or little kids from africa,i really dont mind losing my phone man.

hahaha.and it really tests the 'love your enemy' part.hahaha.

okay,i will try to stay home more so you guys can like contact me if you want to.or you can email me.hahaha.

OH.losing the phone=no alarm clock and no morning calls too!so its back to the classic alarm clock!its pretty funny!haha!to wake up to the TITITITITITITI sound!hahaha!

but no,losing your phone is still not a good feeling.haaaa.

HELLO.haha.nowadays very inspired to blog.heee.

i'm listening to michelle branch now!haaa.hers is still one of the most listenable albums ard.AND,she writes her own songs!haha.plus theres this attitude of hers that is so..her.haha.i think its really attractive.

well,just had dinner with my mum.i'm so so glad that i made this decision to meet her in the end.it was pretty amazing because i actually did chat with her.i know its like the norm for you guys but i really seldom speak to my family members so its really very amazing for me to even talk to them for more than 5mins.

and to think that 2 days back,late at 3plus am,i wasnt sleeping yet so my dad actually came out and lectured me.but after scolding and all,he actually talked to me about this family,his views on my mum and everything.for half an hour he just kept talking,about his business and how he was misunderstood sometimes.and he actually said something (its actually quite touching i admit) that i'm his daughter after all,so of course he'll care for me.

i was practically shocked can.in all my years living on this earth,hes like super conservative and all dont believe in 'caring' for others,in a way.

so back to my mum,she too,was telling me her part of story and why she wanted to move and all.and she was asking me how i feel about the whole thing and whos the wrong one.so i said actually when things end up like that,its not the time to point fingers cos in the end its both sides' fault.and i think my mum was pretty surprised i actually said something sensible.hahaha.

actually however hard i'm trying not to admit,both my parents actually love me alot.and what this family lacks is communication.

my mum said we'll probably only be able to move next year due to the procedures and my dad's refusal to sign and all.

so that means that i actually have around 5 months left. (:

it used to be so hard to believe.
now,everything changed.

AND JUST TO INFORM YOU GUYS.

im meeting cally to go and cut hair this sat!yay!im so looking forward to it cos i havent seen jonathan in TWO MONTHS.haha.

eh i seriously think thats a record can.to think i used to drop by every other week.haha.

YAY!

hahaha i know the HAHAHA post is irritating so i shall update.hee.

well actually i was looking at my past sticker albums (hahaha!i bet you do keep sticker albums too right!) and i was so amazed can.haha.i was smiling at myself and thinking how did i spend my childhood days.so cute lor.

i was so happy when my mum bought hello kitty stickers for me from the pasar malam.as if life is about collecting the most stickers and having the most sticker albums.

and my sis occasionally gives me stickers when shes in a good mood.i'll treasure it so much that i'll spend up to hours thinking of how to arrange the stickers so that it'll be pretty and nice and all and in my favouritest album.

and i love to flip through the albums and remembering when and how i got each of the stickers..and sometimes rearranging the positions so it'll be pretty.haaa.

sometimes your past can really make you wonder and think and even learn from it.the satisfaction and contentment when i receive a sticker a day.and the time i'm willing to spend to make it so attractive.and sometimes even bringing it to school and show off to my friends.

well and about my family stuff.i really really wanna thank God for the courage that He gave me.its not easy..but yet.not impossible.i remember that night when God really spoke to me i was crying like a little baby so touched and all.cos God told me that whatever i'll face from that point onwards,He'll be there always.

and He told me,together hand in hand,He and me,we'll make a difference.but i'll have to hold on to His hand tight.and He'll hold me up if i ever fall..and that alone is enough for me to keep going on. (:

of course.
how i wish i am not going through this now.
how i wish my family is just like any other,laughing and understanding and loving.
how i wish that someday,divorce will not be mentioned.

but still,its times like this that i feel even closer to God and i wont give this up for anything else.

(: life is even more wonderful with all the downs.so we can truly appreciate the ups.

jiaxin,like what you've said.haha.

rewind.
why do we always want to rewind?to erase the past hurts?and to do everything again so we wont make the same mistakes again?



but how sure are you that you wont make the same mistakes again given the same circumstance?its because you've seen and experienced the aftermath that you realise its a mistake no?



what does it take to truly understand the art of moving on.to learn.and not be stuck at that point in your past forever?



in the end,we are all trying hard to live our lives to the fullest.and theres no point regretting when life doesnt allow you to look back and rewind.you either stay at that same point or you move on.