hello.

just one of those nights...

when you want to hide in a corner,

hide under your blanket,

feeling a kind of emptiness,

blankness...

void.

"The hole is no void; the void exists around it."

i believe i have shared this video before. each time i listen to this song, i fall in love all over again. it has such beautiful lyrics, beautiful melody, and meaning.

我会相信一切有尽头 相聚离开都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽 可是我有时候 宁愿选择留恋不放手 等到风景都看透 也许你会陪我看细水长流

this afternoon, replaying all the chinese songs in my itunes. love how the lyrics speak and come to life. 

<3 the beauty of chinese. there is something so simple, so subtle, yet it speaks so strongly. doesnt need to speak out, "i miss you", but you can still totally feel the pain and the 想念.

i think this word is huge.

i couldnt understand its power and destructiveness entirely.

perhaps when you let your walls down, and daringly let your inner self out, you somehow wish you dont have to keep it back, after letting someone see the ugliness of it. but yet, not one relationship cant have you vulnerable.

who is it that you let into your vulnerability zone?

after layers and layers of masks, walls. the centre of it all is trust. its like, that person becomes a part of you when you let him/her in. and it will stay this way forever. even if you drift apart, a part of him/her still lives in you (like a horcrux), that part just stays there, stuck.

and you are then reminded of the memories and the past each time you revisit that certain part of you. but the time between each revisit becomes longer, and like a cocoon, that part gets buried deeper and deeper, until it is gone. but no, it is not entirely gone. it will forever be there, etched in your heart, part of that vulnerability zone, neither going forwards or backwards,

just stuck.

and overtime, there will be so many little cocoons around that you start to erect new walls, new masks, to tighten the 'security' around you, to allow lesser people in, because you've learnt your lesson. because you've learnt that people come, and people go, and you've got to know who will be the ones who will never leave. these are the ones worth letting into your vulnerability zone.