GUARD.

A wise friend once told me, in order to go back to the beginning and 'undo' a relationship, is to force both sides to the extreme. like two sticks, if they were very intertwined before, and have to them force apart, you can't just undo them and expect them to stay apart, but you got to bend them to the very end to force a distance before it'll come back to being separate like how they started out.

I am a firm believer of that. I think distance is good sometimes. Before things get back to normal again, distance is very good.

I believe in every relationship we deposit a part of ourselves. And I've come to realize I'm such a relational person. I got to take extra care who I decide to let into my life. Because not everyone is here to stay.

Disciplining the body is hard. But disciplining the mind and emotion is harder, I feel. The bible says, GUARD your heart/mind/thought. It's so easy to let a seemingly subtle, harmless thought to come in, and that may just slowly eat away and destroy your heart/mind/thought. Meditating on things that are noble, true, positive is so so important.

Those were just some random thoughts that came into my mind...


I feel very 'unfeeling' recently, I feel like I've lost my drive. It's not as if anything bad happened, but precisely because nothing much is happening, it feels like I'm missing something. The drive to... drive on to a destination. I need something new...



one of those nights.

It's one of those nights that I feel deeply. 

I think God doesn't remove certain pains in our lives for a reason, He leaves it there, and we need to go through every single bit of pain it brings. 

Unbearable, but He made sure it makes us stronger. 
Unthinkable, but He made sure it brings us up another level.

Sometimes, there are just some roads you need to walk alone. These long, winding roads. Not on pavements but sometimes it seems that it's deep in the forest with no sure way out. It gets pretty lonely and pretty scary... when you look around in the dark and you don't see anything or anyone. And it may seem pretty unfair. It may seem that God has forgotten you. It may seem that you are on the losing end. 

I do wonder. Why does God deem some experiences necessary for our growth and for our good? Must we really learn life's lessons in such a way? When we are going through a hard time, doesn't it pain God more than the need for us to experience it? 

Time and time again, this is a raw nerve that is sensitive for anyone to touch. And somehow I think that God made me in such a way. That it will always stay as a raw nerve as long as I live. Because this is the only part of me that feels in this way. 

I'm naive... I still do believe that God restores in His timing. In ways we do not imagine.

Hello.

Haven't been here in a long while. Was wondering for a moment do I even have words to string a blog post together. Many times, wanted to come here to pen down some thoughts, but just didn't find the time to. And as always... at 4.15am inspiration strikes and here I am. 

Part of the reason for lack of blogposts - I often wonder... what are the appropriate words to describe my exact thoughts. Sometimes, they stay as emotions and feelings, without having a proper name to them. Sometimes, it feels like words do not do them justice. In this world that is too noisy at times, I often find myself keeping a lot of thoughts just in that confined space of mine. 

There were many things I wanted to write about: emotions, seasons of life, incredulity of time etc. And I stopped short, because I just couldn't find proper words to describe what had happened. (not that anything serious happened, but just trying to be a lil dramatic here)

And I wanted to mull and gasp at how much has changed in the past year. It's funny and true - time has its way of teaching us things we wouldn't even have thought of, and it has its way of changing things we thought were for ever. But at the end of the day, we look back and reflect, yes indeed, everything is for the better. 

But now... I feel myself lacking of words to say again. Haaaa. So I'm gonna end abruptly here while awaiting for the next moment of inspiration to strike. 


yesterday I was just thinking.. Does God do anything without any purpose? Isn't it an incredible thing.. To always do every single detail with a purpose in mind? 

I bumped into a friend yesterday that I haven't met in a long while. And that got me thinking... Why does God make us 'bump' into certain people sometimes? What kind of purpose does He have in such a small detail in my life? Does He do anything without any purpose or anything in mind? Even if it seems like there's really nothing to it.

Isn't it an incredible feeling to know that He weaves all these small incidents from each of our lives to make up one whole big masterplan that is ALWAYS for our good, and ALWAYS is for us? What a great God we serve...

Hi, I'm 23 and old.


Just came across my mind today...


Somehow, I feel old. At 23 this year, it feels like I've already lived a long life. Enough life experiences. I know 10 years down the road, I'll probably read this and laugh at my own naivety. But I can't help but feel this way...


My friend once commented before, she feels like I have an old soul trapped in a young body. And that got me thinking, what exactly is an old soul? Do I, really? Is my thinking very 'old'? Sometimes, I just don't feel 23. 


Sometimes, it's a blessing to be 'ordinary', to be 'simple'. Musings...

Time.


Recently been thinking about this one word: time.

The mysteries of time. It's something that we can't grasp hold of, and it slips away.. seconds by seconds. When they say, to cherish your time, to make full use of the time you have. What does it really mean? What does it mean to live time to the fullest? If this very second doesn't come again, what can we do to really 'hold' time? 

This 'time', it makes up our whole life. Our everything depends on it. But yet.. When we go to heaven one day, time is eternity and it doesn't matter as much anymore.

Sometimes I stop and wonder, where did all the time go? It's scary sometimes knowing that you can't control time, and yet it steals away everything from you. Precious memories, precious people, precious moments. And all it becomes... some fragments of our memory, and we try to connect them together to remember and remind ourselves of how we felt back then.

And how would time be like if we've lived time without emotions? Ultimately, what makes time important? Is it the emotions and experiences that we associate with it? 

Quoting a para from a book I'm reading: "We live in time - it holds us and moulds us - but I've never felt I understood it very well. And I'm not referring to theories about how it bends and doubles back, or may exist elsewhere in parallel versions. No, I mean ordinary, everyday time, which clocks and watches assure us passes regularly: tick-tock, click-clock. Is there anything more plausible than a second hand? And yet it takes only the smallest pleasure or pain to teach us time's malleability. Some emotions speed it up, others slow it down; occasionally, it seems to go missing - until the eventual point when it really does go missing, never to return."

因为太了解
所以很伤心
没有你只好听着风的呼吸
却有种叫做时间的东西
说没问题最后我们会痊愈
因为太了解
我无法坚定
这一次会要掉眼泪的决定
有些遗憾只能一个人听
很对不起
我还是珍惜
所有的事情