hello.

OKAY! i said i was going to bed at 12am but i cant resist. goodness me! i dont know what came over me but i'm sooooooo obsessed with DIY stuff nowadays like seriously! now how i wish i got loads of time to try all these ideas!! and giving to random people!

i wanna try making

• homemade jams, just so i can use those PRETTY labels
• buy marshmallows/anything and put them into packets, just so i can use those bag toppers!
• make lotssssss of birthday cards!
• make lots of different party invitation cards!
• buy tea leaves and jars just so i can use those tea labels!!
• bake a cake, just so i can use those fab diy template to give away to people!
• self make lip balms/body scrubs/bath fizzles just so i can package them prettily and give them to people!
• print wraparound envelope labels, and paste them on white/brown envelops just because they are SO pretty!!
• strong urge to tear away every oil/vinegar/soy sauce bottle labels in the kitchen and paste them with pretty ones just because that are THAT pretty!!
• make popcorn so that i can put them into brown bags and print labels to stick on the bags!
• have an ice cream parlour party, just cos its SOOOO adorable and pretty!!!
• make origami heart invites! soooo detailed and cool!
• make my own postcards/notebooks!
• make lots of gift tags!

THE ice cream parlour!! how awesome and exciting is it?! see what i mean?!


i'm dying of prettiness. if theres such a thing. now i feel that seriously, 24h is not enough! i havent been this obsessed and excited in a long while!

okay im REALLY going to sleep now, while dreaming of pretty stuff. night!!!

i was making a mental note to myself today of a new series of things i would like to collect. then i was recalling back what i used to collect, and i realised it was a trait since young.





saw these lovelies on a website that i happened to pass by. and i immediately recalled my childhood favourite hobby. brought back soooo many good memories.

before i was born, my dad was an avid stamp collector. he had many stamp albums and was very proud of them. when i was of age to understand what are stamps, he used to show me all his albums, and explain to me where the different stamps came from. he would have this whole stack of uncategorised stamps, and we would spend the whole sunday afternoon categorising them. we would sort them out according to their types, like there was this booklet on faces, another on plants, another on fishes/animals, and just some random ones. and we would arrange them according to their colours.

every other day when my dad opened the mailbox, i would excitedly run to him, and take out all those which had stamps on them, put them aside, and tear out the stamps on the envelopes. we would accumulate one whole stack together. i was most excited when my dad or mum received a mail from overseas, because that meant more stamps, and even more unique ones. i remember i would exclaim out loud if there was any new stamp that we do not have in the albums, and would run around showing everyone in the family.

we would sit down, dad and daughter, with a pail of water, soak all the torn out stamps into it to separate the paper and glue, patiently wait, rub away any excess glue, and lay it out on newspaper to dry. after waiting, sorting them in categories, and slot them into their respective places in the albums. that was one of my favourite days in my growing up time. we do that almost once every month. but every sunday, i would excitedly ask my dad, "can we do the stamps today?!", and my dad would only say yes if we had collected enough.

one of my favourite things was to sit there, and listen to his stories as well. sometimes he could even remember how the different stamps came from, and he would explain and tell me all the details. i really loved that.

eventually, that hobby of mine died away when singapore post came out with same and recurring stamps, without any variety or uniqueness anymore. and when lesser and lesser people mailed letters to my mum or dad, comprising mostly of automated stamped thing that bills and bank accounts use. and finally, we stopped altogether.

it was bittersweet recalling all these memories.. wonder where are all those stamp albums now. its quite a sad thing now all these is slowly dying away, i guess thats why i still love sending mails.. (yes i hear you jiaxin). it was especially bittersweet cos this is one of the few good memories i still have... stamps... :) i guess i always have a soft spot for this kinda thing..

i finally bought my noticeboard-like board today from artfriend. been procrastinating for the past, 6 months?! (its alot bigger, just some random pic i got from the net)

i have a 1001 ideas buzzing through my head now, with my laptop containing so many new pictures and downloads that i am dying to try. these few days i almost spent the whole day going through websites after websites looking at lots of exciting stuff. wonder if my new rectangle love can contain so many ideas! but i really wanna try! so exciting to see a blank board transforming into something of a personality :)

but first gotta find the time and resources! now i really wish my printer was in colour instead of black and white :(

i'm really really excited for my new adventure. wondering how it'll turn out. i also have an idea to transform my wall into like this:

(pardon for the low quality pics i am too blurry eyed to use photobucket now)

cool huh! but i guess that project will have to wait! after my board thing first. but erm, actually, how do i drill a hole into my wall? will there be any side effects or is it totally safe huh?

okay yawnssss. sleep now. wayyyyyyy past my bedtime.

funny how i get so hyped up about decorating my room when its like, already 6 months i'm staying here. (note to self: still procrastinating about quilt cover/proper table/bookshelf! ahhhh! ok i will get it done soon.)

the most un-tingting thing happened in tingting's everyday 9-6 life. something that i think is quite rare for me to do, something that i guess never happened before in this context?

i dont think that i am ever a rash person, i always almost think about every possibility and outcome before i make any decision or do anything serious. and most of the time, i'll just let things be and not care.

on that day, i took a very long time to think long and hard before i did anything. thought about the situation, about the outcomes, about the options that i have before me. and that afternoon, i was asked to go to the post office. with 倔强 playing in my ears on repeat mode, i thought even further. i thought about being right or wrong. i thought about making the right or wrong decision. i thought what would be considered rash. i thought what would be appropriate and 'right' in this situation.

and i also checked my heart, and played back each incident that happened, and asked myself if there was anything that i feel i could have done better, or let myself down. i checked my attitudes, i checked my intentions.

i just felt that, for whatever that happened, i did it because for once, i wanted to stand up for myself. i could have just allowed it to pass and just let it go. but there was a very strong feeling inside of me, that rejected this idea strongly. for once, i wanted change, i wanted to have a say. i didnt want to continue everyday life as it is, even if it was to continue like this, i didnt want things to continue without her knowing what i wanted to say.

and was just thinking to myself, even if i made a mistake, let me learn, let me be taught. but i just wanted to not be sorry to myself, and just learn to stand up for once.

and i admit, i did learn alot from this. reflecting on it today (and i'm kinda glad the meeting didnt take place today or i wouldnt have this period of time to think thru and reflect), i may not have chose the best option, and i will apologise. and, i did learn alot in other ways too. how to control and dont be rash etc.

maybe people think its foolish or immature of me doing that. maybe lots of people think i made the wrong decision. but seriously, in a lot of situations, there isnt any right/wrong, and there can be lots of better options too. but in my stance, i did what i felt was right. even if it turns out otherwise, i'm willing to learn i'm willing to change. doing something, for me, for once.

now i'm just leaving everything into God's hand. i did what i can, now its not my own fight anymore. as long as i can stand blameless before God. and let this whole thing make me a better person.




sis' birthday tmr. wondering if i shld go sleep now, or i shld make her a card. or i shld do that tmr instead. hmmm. lol.

im tired physically/mentally in a way. tired of defending myself. for one last time on thurs.

they are like the best pics i can find online of ytd.. :(


prior to the concert, i was struggling real hard if i should go for it. money issues. but at the last minute, i still went ahead with it, although bought only the $38 tic. when i went into the stadium, for the first time ever, i was seriously disappointed. i was a bit like hmmmm. cos my seat sucks. but well it IS $38 afterall. but i did expect alot more. so half of my excitement was gone alr. what with the rain and it delayed the schedule big time. to be honest, i wasnt used to my sucky seats, cos i ALWAYS had really really good seats. thanks to my sis' friend. and counting, this is my 7th mayday concert, 6 i had super good seats. so you can imagine la. lol.

i felt so far away from the action and excitement, and ah xin was as small as my fingernails. i was seriously quite sad. my section was so cut off! and i couldnt see the stage properly. :( but yeah.. i just treated it as my ktv session. i sang loud! but very out of tune. hehe.

i always pride myself in saying that i'm NOT the ordinary fan. you wont see me splurging on their merchandise, buying all those shirts, screaming just to touch one of them (okay la i will get excited la but not in that way!), and just you know... typical fans. haha. so hmmm yes, i am still very much a fan, but a different sort. if there is ever this kinda genre.

overall, i really enjoyed myself. the fireworks was the best part. it was so pretty! the lights, and all. super wow. seeing how high it can go in the sky.

i just gotta say, i really really love mayday so much. it was such an endearing moment, to sit there and see it coming to pass. ah xin was saying 10 years ago, they were informed they are going overseas first time and to singapore to perform, and they did. since then they wished to have an outdoor concert, and ytd, they did.

just was thinking, wow 10 years! imagine how much they've accomplished in these 10 years! from a nobody, to where they are now. with practically no concert effects, to all those fireworks and the acts. even though every year when the concert is bigger, the distance between us is greater, but i truly felt so proud.

i guess to be able to conquer the outdoor stadium (not the whole thing), in such a small country like singapore does speak alot. in a big country, of course its easy to fill out the whole place, but such a place as singapore, it does give alot of satisfaction. considering that mandopop is not the only music here. so yes, i was so proud. :)

(oh, reading the book that i am now + mayday pounding away in your ears, seriously that is one of the most liberating thing to your soul ever. i felt so so liberated. freedom. cos the book + mayday's direction runs together and it is truly inspiring.)


i guess i can always identify so much with mayday because they've always been 'mad' in their own way. they have touched and inspired me in ways unimaginable. they are the living example of alot of things that people dare not pursue. they have such power in their hands, to impact the lives of so many. more than enjoying the concert, i always applaud their efforts of trying to convince more people, even if its one, to live out their lives, to break out of the norm, and to love. it is no easy task.

and i was just thinking the other day, how hard it is, to be in their position and their stature, to keep churning things out to inspire, to excite, to create. because it means it must be greater, it must be better, it must be fresher. but well, they did it. again and again and again. and to dream again and again, conquering new grounds, spreading their beliefs. because more than all these, they are deep people themselves. okay, i speak for ah xin only cos i guess i only seen him before this way.

i dont know why am i always so attracted to people like this, but well. he is one love of my life that i'll forever admire. and well, i always wondered what is it like to be living their lives. to always be living on the edge, to always do what you love, everyday, living it to the extreme. must be really cool.

okay such a long post. should stop now. but just got to say again, i really love mayday alot. :) and i promised myself and made a deal with surina to never again miss their concert, and to always splurge on their tics cos its so worth it. but then again, $168 x 6, i think i spent more than a thousand on them alr plus cds n dvds etc. wow! price to pay for a fan! but its all WORTH it.

am currently 3/4 into a book, and it provoked me in a way. and i thought alot about the book, its content and what it is trying to bring across. kinda curious what the ending is though.

there were 3 cases of psychiatric patients in the book, describing their road to 'madness' and how they ended up in a mental hospital. and that got me thinking alot.


just how powerful is our mind?


it seems that it can inflict and manipulate us to have panic, depression, psychosis, be schizophrenic etc? we dont know the limits that our minds can take us. but reading the cases of psychiatric patients, it seems that, they allowed themselves at one point of their lives, to give in to this 'mind' thing. so is it true that all cases can be avoided by simply positivity and a stronger mind?

when that thought first came, i thought it was naivety and absurd cos erm, what about psychology right? and all.

but ytd during BS kim hock said that none of us was born unhappy or depressed, and that happiness sometimes is a choice, not just a feeling. he said that kids are always happy, only unhappy times 1) diapers 2) hunger 3) sick, therefore we can always make the choice to be happy. and isnt it true that eventually as we grow up, we experience so many different things, that we sometimes forget what being happy is all about. our default mood since young should be happy right? and somehow, we just allowed ourselves to choose otherwise.


so does it apply for grown ups too? is it true that by controling our own minds, we can have such power that is unimaginable? instead of letting our minds control us.

but yeah i know, easier said than done. experienced it myself. but perhaps that is why decisions are so vital and important, and choices are so essential.


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okay that being said, i love love loveeeeeeee my new nail polish colour. hong kong collection from OPI, Suzi Says Fengshui. super chio. :) it is like ice soy chai latte - it gets better by the sip.

you know how nice it is to admire your own nails here and then? such pretty colours cheer you up at ANY time. thus you see, the importance of pretty nails. and thats why me buying polishes = an investment for a better life. :)


(okay PS i just pinky promised myself - after this round of books i WILL go back to read my chinese books. promise.)

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lovezzxzzx that quote.
though i dont 'get pictures taken' but i totally second what she said even if its different context.
i'm such a hopeless homebody sometimes.

and my bag broke halfway home! how embarrassing is it!

gotta go back and do some old school stuffzxxzx.
enjoy your week everybuddy.

okay so this is my 5th week as an intern.

i do have alot of thoughts and all about being one. but never once have i realised how consuming it would be. more than the boss-and-me thing going on, it is the whole 9-6 routine thats kinda confusing my body in a way. now, i can no longer stay past 1am, actually, 11pm is already quite a difficulty.

now i truly understand how physically tiring it is to hold a proper job. everyday when you end, you just want to go home, settle down and sleep.

realised that:

1) i've not caught up with my emails, i used to be so particular about clearing my emails, deleting them etc. now, i only open those that i wanna read, the rest i just leave it there. so goodness! i have 310 unread mails now, which in ting2_1990's history, there is no such thing.

2) i have a whole list of blogs (73 in total. gosh! didnt know i followed so many) on my mac mail on RSS feed, and i used to be super particular abt it too, every single post of every single blog must be read. but now, i have SO many unread posts from SO many blogs, i only read the impt ones.

3) i used to go on msn every other day or every night, but since i started work for 5 weeks, i think i've only been online for less than 5 times? and the offline msgs all flood in when i sign in. lol.

4) and! i do follow a few shows and download movies and all. i used to be faithfully watching them right after they are out but now, i cant even find the strength to finish watching one epi at night, cos i'll fall asleep. so i split it over two days to finish an epi now. kua zhang!

5) i am such an online addict, i cant live without going online or using my laptop every night. but now, i dont even switch on my mac for days on straight anymore. i just go for my bed every night. (okay actually this is the reason for all of the above)


um so yes. if you havent realise it, tingting is undergoing such a weird change in lifestyle that used to be so impossible. now, i actually CAN hear my alarms in the morning!

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and on a sidenote, after experiencing this kinda life for 5 weeks, i truly understand what Post Office by Charles Bukowski is talking about. am currently reading another book on death & life now, and it kinda brings alot of messy thoughts.

because it is so easy to let life be a routine, a 9-6, a repetition of what you did yesterday, a continuation of what you are going to do today, and you just let yourself be, getting used, going through life, going through the motion.

and soon, you'll lose the reason for doing anything, and it just keeps going on and on and you dont understand and dont really get why. and sometimes... you just kinda wanna break free from it. i find myself doing lesser and lesser the things that i love doing, i find myself having lesser and lesser time for myself, starting to live life just living but not really participating. if you get what i mean.

(and i think thats why now i love every bus ride and train ride, i get to be myself again. and i read and read. the best part of my day is the time spent on buses - for reading. and i managed to finish a few books already!)

thats why, i now understand what mayday has been singing about all along. haha. i dont know if i make any sense, but i feel that its so so true for me.

maybe kinda in the phase that i wanna do something crazy and out of the world this time, just to defy the routine-ness. like scream and shout like mad. i guess i need a mayday concert now :(

well i guess the ingredient missing in tingting's everyday life is - passion.
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this is my new fave blogger. not fashion one for once. but when i go to her site, i somehow always feel peaceful and happy. just feel so simple and carefree somehow. and some of her posts are really very cool :)


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be thankful always,
be simple,
be positive,
be happy. always.

did i mention before how i love making lists?
i love numbering them, and seeing my list lengthening :) such a great pleasure. i am making a few lists for this year, started in jan :)



as i was attending easter services this weekend, had a lot of thoughts. and just felt so strongly that it is so important to not get carried away by the busyness of life. i find it especially so true since now i've started working and all. it is so so easy to wake up - work - home or random stuff - sleep, and next day just repeats itself. without knowing it, it becomes a routine and a duty.

and that is why i guess its very important to have a cause for your life - something you are willing to die for, and fight for. a root that you constantly remind yourself of, when your flesh is tired, when you are just down. may be anything in life, but i think its important to find that one cause, you are willing to go all the way for.



also, isnt it really simple but yet sometimes so complicated? you know, actually women all want someone who cares/understands/loves/protects? as i was watching the easter drama i just suddenly felt so. hmmm random. lol.


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i want to feel the freedom once again.


pretty saddened in my heart recently. some stuff going on at work. everyday going there seems to be like, a chore.


i kept wondering if its me or what did i do wrong. but i checked my heart and i can tell you honestly, i didnt.


if you know me well enough, you would know that i always give my best and try to do things as excellently as possible. and i love doing things fast. given something to do, i will complete it. given something to find out, i will find a solution for you. given the chance, i would help out in anything. i care for details. yes, i would err and do wrong things too. but tell me, let me know, teach me how to do it and i'll change and give you back the best.

and that is why it saddens me so much that i am accused like that, and filed into such category at work, that i'm incompetent and not doing my work seriously. when did i not give my best in these four weeks i'm here? when did i ever submit sloppy work when it is my duty? when did i not meet the deadline when given one?

i just feel so trapped, and so wronged. but what can i do? i can only continue to do best at what i'm given, and hopefully clear my name.


i always start something new, hoping to learn things, hoping to experience new things. and i am just kinda disappointed at how things turned out. but i guess, everyone else sees my effort other than the most important one.


but well, i will still try to continue with a good attitude regardless. and hopefully time will pass faster till july.

had alot of thoughts and feelings.
if theres one thing that i struggle most constantly with, it is feeling insecure, and inferior, and feeling really bad abt myself. inevitably, sometimes even comparing.


well last saturday, i did feel x10000 worst cos i felt i was the unprettiest amongst all the gowns and hair and whatnots.


but i came to realise, being who you are, being proud of yourself, being the uniquely you, is so so important. i think one very apt example is my sister. she may not be the best at where she is, but shes always so sure of herself, knows what she is good at and developing it further, knows what she wants and go for it. she is just herself.



this zhang tingting,
who cries watching a liverpool match, who tears watching a mayday concert, who yawns without covering her mouth ever, who has really large feet, who has the weirdest sitting position sometimes, who really asks alot of questions (since young), who is really blur and sharp at the same time, who feels and thinks alot, who is SUCH a homebody, who is so messy but yet organized at the same time, who loves admin/paperwork sometimes, who kinda always sees the good side of things instead of the ugly, who is super cek ark abt grammar, who is soo obsessed with nails, etc.


i may not be the best, but i'm sure i'm good at something.
i'm good at being zhang tingting.
and i need to create my own world and be sure, be steady, be me.


let me try for once k?
give me time to break out of this, and grow on my own.
i may stumble, i may fall, but i'll try.
to be myself, and nobody else.




thanks :)