hello.

i actually really kinda realise it sucks having your life in such a routine..wake up prepare for work,on the way buy some bread,and then being treated like a maid by some taitais,then leave work at 9.30,go home maybe theres dinner,then cant even watch my fave show at 9pm.then too tired already must sleep.its so meaningless its so not purposeful and i really hate it.cos theres so many things i wanna do that i cant!but still..for the sake of money,i'll survive.haha.what will the world be like without money?haha.

and dont know why is it that nowadays people around being all emo and stuff?and i really really wanna be like the old tingting when i can talk on the phone till late at night and cheer people up or write some letters and stuff..but the flesh is weak.i'm so tired nowadays you just cant really care.and it sucks seriously.like jiaxin..i want so much to get down to write a letter to you just to catch up and stuff but i have no time!i want to help you so much and that kinda feel that i want to but cant is so helpless..

so today was my off day and then suddenly its like theres nothing to do cos my routine was broken so i spent the day catching up with my sleep and watching all the tv shows in the world like twice,seriously.haha.then laughing my ass off and just enjoying nothing.haaa.

and now its like 3am waiting for time to pass to 3.30am as its the very impt event which involves not only the results but pride and bragging rights with west ham vs liverpool!muahahaha.

i wanna catch up with all of you so damn much!ying cally hui yu jiaxin elaine! :( lets really have an outing next friday okay.life is really bad without friends around.i gotta learn to be really independent like having lunches alone. (sad!) and it can be awkward sometimes cos the food havent arrive so you have two options a)to act auntie and be like yingying to ask abt the food or b)wait.hahaha.so obviously im not ying kind so i'll wait.and that alone feeling really sucks.but i'm getting used to it nowadays.cos i'll da bao back to eat.haha.

i actually dont really like the commission part of the job cos it involves some very ugly human side but though those people dont show it you can feel it one.but its just one or two out of the so many but still..yeah.

thank God for the ipod and newpaper while going to work.hahaha.

cally like i've said i really think its your choice cos i know you are strong you are a very strong-willed individual and stubborn in a way too so i really hope you'll use this side of you to get through yeah.

its actually really kinda scary to live life routinely.it makes you tired it makes you meaningless.before i get used to this kinda life i really hope a challenge can come soon.i do hope my future job is full of challenges and not as boring as this!now really kinda realise its soooo much better to live with obstacles and tribulations.though tough but hey,you are experiencing some real stuff.and well,i really miss studying as well.haha.at least you know what you can do and achieve.

well its long since i've been online!hahahha.but i'm going off now!heee.byeeee. :(

hmmm will there be a point of your lives when you realise its damn difficult to communicate with this certain person?my sis was telling me and we both realised so.just that this time its supposed to be our closest kin but in actual fact the furthest one.

work is tiring.but which one is not anyway?muscle aches..arms.its taxing to keep pushing hundreds of shoesboxes' weight on the shelves around.and really,this is just another version of real life diner dash.if you guys dont know whats that,you can actually download it in yahoo.its pretty fun.and ya,my job is like that too.serving the customers then rushing to get their sizes then deliver to them and attend to them and help them payup.hahaaha.and it really tests your patience and coordination all the time.some customers really treat me like their maids and order me around one you know..

and you know those shelves run up to like thrice of my height and i gotta climb up yes clim up without the help of ladders but stepping on to the other shelf and hoist myself up.its that tiring!but its fun though..the colleagues.hearing them complain about their boyfriends and stuff.and they are really so nice so helpful so friendly!and they are not strict at all too!heee.

but i'm the only one wearing all black cos they changing uniform soon so no point in me getting the uniform.and i'm different from them la so its as if im the manager!hahaha.though i dont look like one.

omg i'm damn shagged.muscle aches!i really think i can compete for canoeing after this job.hahahaha.not funny.goodnight!i need my sleep badly!

hahaha.waking up early is like so not fun la..haaa.but something fun is having very unique people give you morning calls cos you'll really wake up.cos i realised if its somebody like cally or hui gimme morning call i will slack but nowadays i asked yanhong liting wilson koh that kinda weird weird people call hor,really got difference one lei.hahaha.imagine waking up and hearing wilson's funny voice.lol.

awwww i absolutely love working in the kindergarden man..they are just so cute you feel like hugging them its just that kinda feel which makes you go awwwww..mixed blood the child really very very cute la omg.my william!hahaha.and ying,your isaac really kinda cute la.the other time went playground he dont dare climb up so i kept encouraging him then he finally made it to the tunnel but he still dont dare crawl so i just kept saying keep going keep going,then!!he very cutely turn his head to face me and gave me a damn sweeeet smile!heeee!i was so shocked but pleasantly surprised!hahaha!

and kids are so spoilt sometimes..but they way they just sort of like,'idolize' you is sooo coool la.i was just playing that in the kitchen kinda game with them then all of them will be very anxious to serve their food to me and i gotta keep acting but its so cute!hahaha.

and you know little kids those toilets small cubicles kind?and i just find it simply so cute that some still lock the cubicle door when actually i can just see them see over the door.hahaha!so it was kinda useless but sooo cute!so i was laughing at how maybe they thought they can prevent me from seeing them pee.haha.

and omg ying your that isaac do everything also slow one beat one lor.while peeing i gotta ask him to pee for like 5 times then he'll start peeing.hahaha.then he kept saying ali baba papa to me!so cute!

awww..ou xuan's sister's daughter really kinda pretty la huh but can foresee the kinda path she'll take.hahaha.

why are children such cuties?omg..i wanna have lots of kids!haha!

well jiaxin i finally understood your tag.hahaha.i deleted that post already la.haha.anyway,that book that talked about this was sheng xia guang nian,the movie that ashin wrote a song on.cooool right.hahaha.its actually like you'll realise that theres always people ard you who are like planets,who are always centre of attention and in a gang of people,they actually stand out more but more often than not,they are the ones who need to really learn the lesson of cherishing and maintaining a friendship more.and the moons are just like how you'll realise too that there are and always will have people who are always around to support you no matter how forgotten they are.

and then i realised that the shooting stars actually do have another type of impact.they dont just shoot past,they sometimes crash right into those planets and moons and change their pathways or even let them stray,but often they are just pretty and beautiful shooting stars that pass you by.

so actually when your path and my path cross like this X,what type of impact will we have on each other?

anyway yang nai wen is cooool man.she has got some character and her voice is like wow and her style is something that i absolutely love.heee.

you know i am still really looking for the perfect plain no pictures blogskin.just a blog and a tagboard.that'll be so so cooool.

anyway,i read what xt lend me,yi neng jing's book.and..

we all stare at the same moon,the sun rotates around fairly,we all breathe the same air,but why is it that love is unfairly distributed in our hearts?

like how some can just ruthlessly kill without mercy,while some can sacrifice their own lives for others.that kinda difference in love.

we all came to this world naked,and we cant bring away anything from this world when we die..

and we hear songs screaming loneliness loveless low self-esteem brokeness emptyness nothingness and it all goes back to that four letter word,love isnt it?

but then again,because love wasnt evenly distributed,does it mean that mankind is fighting for its own fair share of love in this world?by numbing ourselves with wars?

recently read this article on the iraq war and the soldiers' stories.something that really impacted me was that wars are so pointless.since everyone desires love and lacks love,why are we still diminishing love?why are we proving ourselves right further that love is actually all that we need?

but then i realised there'll always be differences in life.we are made differently.and different people react differently to differences.some big some small.and some just fight right till the end to prove his differences.

and its pretty scary to know that in such a big world,theres really all sorts of people.i'll always entertain myself by imagining me meeting the nastiest person on earth,what sort of character and attitude he'll possess that freak me out.haha.

but there must be at least one common point in everyone to make us all live together on earth right?

hmmm actually this is quite a confusing post cos all these are still mixed up in me and not yet sorted out.haha.

(yingying's) hello world.hahaha.

all of a sudden..i miss london!like really.even with the flickering tube lightings and cold weather.i miss witnessing matches live.its so duper cool.miss all the hype about soccer there.i miss the old airport.i miss their mochas.

its just like a memory for me now.and memories do fade ya..so its so..scary that one day i will start to forget all the stuff about london.ohman.london.. :(

haaaha i'll make sure my honeymoon does end up going to liverpool and at least two matches!hahahaha. :)

heyoooo.haaha.

just wanted to blog about some stuff.you know..i'm always afraid of telling people whats my dream what i want to be.i dont know but i'm scared of people judging me.i guess i hate it when people will laugh and say you cant make it.or the feel that they doubt you'll make it that kinda thing.so i never really proclaim out my dreams or aspirations before.though me and cally did secretly confess to one another.hahaha!

but this little dream of mine,i will always wonder if i'll have the ability.i'll have the depth.everyone doubts right..its natural.but i'll always remember something that pastor said before.if you are able to dream it,God can do much much more.

but still you cant take away the doubts in your heart.how do you ever become successful?and then i realised we are actually training for whats up in the future now.all the people's skills all the life skills all the stuff.and isnt it very amazingly so that you know someday you can use all your skills all your abilities all your talents one day?

i think the biggest enemy of your life is yourself.i always thought that self identity is important it gives you the confidence you desire it gives you the determination to live.

who knows?but i used to be such a proud and inferior and a sly little kid combined together.but really,its through realising and people telling you that you'll start to realise what you do have that your friends dont and when to put it into use.i daresay i did have lots of self-reflection and thinking through and breaking through that i arrived at this point.and i did learn some very painful lessons and went through some very rough patches.and i still am not perfect.so that shows how much we do need to learn in life huh?

then you do know that you are unshakable.you can tremble,but nothing can get you down.i know whats my gifts and abilities that i try to use as much as possible.and to think that i was doing all those stuff unknowingly and not really realising whats my good points till someone just accidentally told me.isnt it amazing how life works?

and i realise words are amazing creations too.isnt it so amazing that
-impossible is nothing
and
-nothing is impossible
sound so different?haha.

hahaha.i'm tired.byebye.

omggg if ashin was real..i think i will really fall deeply in love with him.hahahha.real as in..aiya you get it la huh.haha.omggg. :(

and went through some roller coaster kinda feel ytd.omggg 6-3!dont even talk about how it happened man.

wah i really dont like my blog being so skinny lei.but then i'm lazy to scroll through all those html codes and search man.

ahh one useless post.

hey cally this is for you about the thing we discussed..

i was very troubled about the point you made us being the biggest buildings,money and that kinda thing.i understood from your point that you think we are using the things of the world to attract people,forgetting simple stuff like sincerity and love but focusing instead on the things of the world..

but actually,how do you define the things of the world?do you know that Jesus was a rich rich guy?He even needed a treasurer and all,so He did not live in rags and that kinda thing..and we simply did own big and beautiful buildings because it shows the kind of spirit of excellence we have,we want the best but not settle into notgoodenough.our God is big,so why restrict Him into boring buildings and stuff?God is exciting and vibrant and creative.and i think this is how we are showing God lor.

you asked me whether its yingying's sincerity that touched me or the church events that convinced me.but actually if you think more about it..its actually none of the above.its just simply God at work.

yeah so now you understand my point?haha.and coming to think of it,if you read Daniel,he actually uses mascara and all.Esther too,she was the beauty of the land,yet she used her beauty to shine and change.so if this is the kind of things of the world you were talking about,then i think i proved my point la huh.haa.

okay anyway,i just wanted to talk about some stuff.i realised that we(yes i'm talking about you,yingying cally yulan me and maybe hui?) are getting materialistic.where did all the quality stuff gone to?i think by far cally,this is like the most and bestest convo and outing we had in a long long time.and its so silly to get upset with each other about such small stuff eg both of u wanted the same kinda pants that sort of thing.its so silly!we must really start to change and learn and be really honest with each other..

yeah today i went kino and i finally bought that book.hahaha.

okay,today is another showdown between liverpool and arsenal,even though its CARLING CUP,but its the opponents that matter cos i very bushuang the way arsenal work and stuff.haaaha.influenced by gerrard's biography.hahaha.liverpool will thrash man!

wahahaha.just wanna blog about something before i forget.

you know those few days when i lost my voice?omg that was the end man.i was feeling so depressed.i cant sing i cant even laugh!thats my favouritest hobby and i cant do it!it wa ssososososo depressing.seriously.

then it made me cherish my voice more that it came back.having the gift to talk and sing and laugh is so very precious!

so i shall try not to abuse my voice by singing out of tune songs from now on.and laugh nicely.hahaha.not funny.

eh but i think its quite funny lei!hahaha.

i'm so angry i'm so frustrated.why is it arsenal again?i hate losing to arsenal.i hate it when previously everyone is behind liverpool saying how we are fantastic and brilliant but now everyone will have a 360degree change and criticise liverpool.

why did dudek play??its such an important match you need all the match fitness and sharpness you can ever get but why the hell play a reserve keeper??so slow and all.

its always this kinda big games that i will pray nonstop but then this time its different..i dont understand why..when henry scored at 84th min my thinking was great,now we can have a more dramatic comeback with two goals in 6mins to catch up to 3-3.but it didnt happen and i'm so disappointed..it is always such a heartache to see liverpool fans holding up their scarves and singing the anthem still believing.its so frustrating to see your team behind but you cant do anything about it!

but as always,i'm believing that we lost for a reason and that can only mean that theres greater things awaiting and this is only a minor blip.arsenal broke our home record and i'm sure we'll thrash them well up in three days time.though carling cup is not as good as FA but hell,its the opponents that matter.

theres always the european cup too.but please..play reina in the barca match!

muahahaha.i was talked out of going poly by jonathan,the hairstylist.he really rocks man.hes so cooool and all.haha.but still,i gotta make some plans if my results not li xiang la hor.haha.so i'll be going JC!

and i will be sure to go one which has girl's soccer.i will join soccer and aspire to be the captain!and lift trophies like gerrard.

alot people laughed when they heard this but man!i'll prove you wrong!tingting is not that soft okay! :)

heyoooo.i actually typed a very looong post about separation but then yujie said she really dont get what i meant so i saved it as draft.hahaha.

just that i'm loving my ipod man.its sucha great invention.

in anyway,went to chinatown for job stuff and then i think we are hired la huh?haa.didnt give us clues at all.

anyway,i went to british museum the other time right,then i saw the roman goddess venus.then it really striked[is there sucha word?or past tense of strike is stroked?hmmm.] me that venus is as imperfect as you and i can imagine.bigger feet than mine,definitely not flat tummy,not perfect shape,blahblah.but yet shes portrayed as the summit of beauty and love.the goddess everyone adores.add to the fact that she had extra marital affair with lots of people still.

then i was thinking why?then i started searching but i couldnt find anything.but then again,blame it on revolution of human's mindset that beauty is another thing altogether from that period of time till now.

so i realised maybe i'm transformed by this world too.beauty being skinny perfect sticklike figure.but maybe its not like that at all?but maybe i didnt research enough and maybe its the statue's fault but still.

muahahaha.subscribed to times thru yulan.its making me happy somehow.hahaha.

byeeeee.

heyooo.haa.

so nowadays of course my fave music to listen to is mayday's and i was thinking about the message that they wanna convey and then i realised..to be able to write music to this kinda extent and to this standard,you can almost imagine the type of pain and tribulations they went through.its so amazing how tribulations and obstacles and challenges can change you.

so i wanna say that i wanna experience that pain that valley that darkness.people always seek happiness people want comfort they want familiarity.you are deep down that valley no one to help you out you are alone.isnt it the best time to get hurt to the max,to go through every single torturous thought?instead of saying enjoy it,i would say that is what experience is all about.i always hate people saying they cant do that they cant get through this they cant get out of the pain but that is the best time to fight,to experience that pain to the fullest.then you can emerge to say you have loved.if you are always trying to get back to the past,to numb yourself,lie to yourself,whats the point?

people always want what they dont have.in the midst of all your troubles and valleys,we often get so immersed in the idea that we are suffering,we are in pain,we pity ourselves that more than often,the pain inflicted is more of yourself in yourself than the situation.because at that point,you do not have the happiness you desire.but after gaining your happiness,people forget to cherish.and then,isnt it back to where you started?so in the end,lesson learned:process.its the process that matters dear.if we dont realise the importance of process and let it pass us by each time,then we are actually living our lives in a circle,back to where we were.

so let me say,if you are in the middle of a process called pain.live it.make the fullest out of it,and when you finally gained your happiness,you know you have learned something important.you have finally experienced the deepest valley and the highest mountain.dont try to escape or run away from it,cos its in you.you cant run away forever.

thats what life is about.

曾经灿烂 曾经沸腾 才不会有悔恨
if you cant see,encode it.

so i say,16 years of life,yet still green about everything.family problems?friends?relationships?no i havent experience enough of it yet to say i have no regrets..and so,dont complain.i'm still learning and its a wonderful experience so far.i dream that someday i can write things that can send people thinking,someone like ashin whom i really really put at the highest because the things that he write and the stuff that he think,its so amazing.

i'm like playing treasure hunt la.i keep listening to their songs to get that piece of treasure.

its a wonderful wonderful thing to be able to think and imagine. :)

okay this post is kinda..chim?but i really hope you understand what i'm trying to say.

and i dont care if you people say this is not tingting,to write this kinda stuff.cos i realised my mindset and thinking is already different,changed from 2006. i love to think.if theres a job that wants me to think and write only but still be able to get a paycheck,i'm most willing to do it..haa.

in anyway,happy new year!mayday's album is great and you guys should buy it!every song is about a different kind of love different stages that everyone go through so its really cool.and it ends off with that baby track.haha.

wahahahhaha.mayday's album is brilliant.though theres people criticising it BUT its only cos you guys dont understand that this is a more mature band considering theres two new babies and two new fathers and they start to mature and their thinking changing.

i loved the idea of this album though,about how people are born into this world 'naked',but as they grow and learn,they'll start wondering why are they living on this earth.in the end,your whole life is summed up by love,you live for love,you are born cos of love.someone loved you enough to bear the pain to bear you.so since you are born cos of love and for love,we can all die cos of love too.yeah.thats what the whole album is about.

anyway i really love how mayday[or rather,ashin] convey his message and idea through songs.as in..like a very simple song,but theres a very strong message behind it so you gotta keep listening and discover it.

okay enough about mayday heee.

anyways,2007 is here man.and i spent the first day drinking yulan's bittersweet liangteh she bought for me.so sweeet huh.haa.she came to my house and practically wasted the whole day away watching tv and lying on the bed.haha.

anyway,isnt it really amazing how people's life cross?like how people can meet on a train,some with the same destination others not.and how each of us can experience so extreme and drastic feelings.like i can be so happy about the day and thinking and planning for the next day,the guy next to me may be regretting making the mistake of his life by not meeting the deadline for his assignment,the woman may just be so tired after repeating her day just like every other day,the little boy opposite may have brilliant dreams about his future and being someone like steven gerrard and imagining so..and how very coincidentally we all meet on the same train,but with so many different thoughts and feelings about themselves or their day.how a thousand different feelings can be felt on the same train.isnt it amazing how lives cross?

i'm spending tmr alone!i need some alone time to think about things and to plan and to clear up my stuff and beautify my room.

hmmm..just some random stuff,imagine where you will be if you didnt do the thing you did the last minute.hahaha.get it?for example,i may be typing the last min.if i didnt i probably should be looking for things to eat.okay la.not mch difference.haha.nvm ignore the random thing.