hello.

It has been a month since you passed on, and my world remains that bit quieter, that space that only you would be able to 'intrude'.

I think you've changed my life in a very profound way.

And it's a pity how I truly found out more about you only after you passed.

I didn't know what a sweet boy you were...

That would probably be my regret in life.

Would that have changed how I feel/act towards you?

Would I have been able to take better care to help you?

I really wouldn't know.

Life is funny like this. We always learn things on hindsight.

If given the chance again with the knowledge I have now, would I be able to do things better? I really wouldn't know.

And just like this... We learn bit by bit, little by little. 

What it means to be a Human. What it means to Love. 

What I used to think as annoying and frustrating, 

is the very thing that I miss now.

See you very soon up there... My friend. It still pains me.

People often quote, we should make full use of everyday and live to be the happiest. 

But it's so real that not everyday is meant to be the happiest.

If we were only meant to be happy everyday, why would we need other emotions? 

I would say we should live the fullest everyday.

Embrace each day's events in every emotion presented.

Sad, angry, hurt, happy...

When we feel sad, allow ourselves to feel the full weight of sadness. 

When we are angry, to question ourselves why do we feel anger and come to terms with it. 

When we are hurt, accept the fact, feel it, and let it heal. 

When we are happy, remember that it doesn't happen everyday and remember that moment. 

人生无常，我们可以体验的，就应该彻底地体验。

我已经好久好久不让自己沉溺于慢歌里

不过最近发现，其实应该OK了

比较成熟了、比较懂事了

一切都有始有终，深切地明白了

最能依靠、永不变的只有祢

领悟了这一切，其实也是福. 

So many people have asked if I'm okay, and if I'm better.

I guess I am? But I still do feel it... sometimes. But thinking back on how much I've grown and how much happier I've become since it happened, I guess I came a long way.

I literally cringed last night when I thought of the many nights I spent in tears... And I do not wish to go back to those days. I am happy being where and who I am now... Contented. 

But yet I am also human... My heart still jump at every mention of his name, photo, online or offline. Am I completely over it?

Who knows? How can I know when am I exactly over it?

It isn't exactly very long ago, yet it is still quite some time ago.

Sometimes questions still swim in my mind... But I choose to believe in Him. I really do. I think this has made me see a lot of things clearer, about myself and about relationships.

Being honestly raw, I think I might have lost some faith in relationships. As of now... I am just a little bit afraid. So... I'm comfortable at where I am now. 

But of course... God I'm willing to be shaped through this process... into someone much better, stronger and wiser.