hello.

it actually has been months, or even a year since i last felt like that. and suddenly, all the past memories just flooded my mind and i began to feel everything that i went through again. and just had many thoughts running through my mind.


well, and actually after the talk, God reminded me of something He showed me two years back. when everything was super bad.

i remember that exact image, exact words, exact emotion. and it was that exact thing that carried me through.



i will remember what You've spoken to me, and i will keep it in my heart. same as it did to me 2 years back, i believe it will do the same now. everything in Your hands.. teach me, mould me.




and thank you very much. though you were a littleeeee 'distracted' towards the end. hahahahaha. ya but i believe in what you've said as well. thanks alot. :)

my very happening CNY

sat's service (2nd night w xiaoting, 1st with ying):


we take ALOT of pics nowadays lei!!


goodbye derrick.

monday's mind cafe (4th night with xiaoting, 3rd night with ying):


en route to princesep, bumped into fangying at tamp mrt! hahaha. we were so excited to see each other there!


coffee shop. hahaha.




the rest of us too ugly alr. weijian prettiest. hahahaha.

tuesday timbre lucas' 21st (5th night with xiaoting, 4th with ying):

i refuse to post up the pics with flash. hahahaha.


the only nicer looking pic that jiahao/darren took.




see! oil-free and nice looking pics! only alittle tooo dark. hahaha. i still refuse to post up those with flash. hahaha. took a sama one with lucas a few months back before he went botak. but its too ugly alr. hahaha.




totally got cheated. hahaha. so cute.


singgggggg.


the waterfall thing which is seriously cool! but looks very bad for the body. hahaa.





i will upload to facebook when i'm feeling less lazy.

can you believe it?! i spent like, 5 nights with xiaoting, 4 with yingying, 3 with mingxun, 2 with weijian over the past 5 days.

wowwwww. hahahaha.

its the first time my CNY is so happening lei. haha. catching night rider and all. and been to timbre twice, catching almost midnight movie. everyday reaching home late. haha.


and other then a few glitches here and there, and a little bit (actually alot) of awkwardness, this has been a great CNY and i love CNYs!!!!

but i kinda dread CNY now every year cos of --- reason. ahhhhh. but still. i love CNYs!! i'm contradicting myself. haha.


i love how CNY brings people together and meet all those people once in a year. you'll see kids becoming bigger and bigger each year and it just reminds you how old you actually are. haha. and then all those reminiscing of past events. really reminds you of how far you've gone and how much you've grown.

its always such a joy, every CNY, meeting those people who changed my life and brought me up with such love and care. even as they age each year, and i grow older each year. seeing my grandmas, my babysitter last time whom i call mummy.. really makes me think how can i give back.

i call my mum mama, and my babysitter mami, thats how close i am to her. since i was 4 months old, she has been taking care of me. and she was just a neighbour upstairs then, and my mum just randomly asked her for help. since then, she has always treated me like her own daughter though we are not related at all. and shows me unconditional love just like towards her own daughters and sons. and her love really touches me alot alot.

she is always giving, always sacrificing, always loving her grandchildren and children. taught me alot.

so this CNY, seeing her filled my heart with alot of joy. thinking back how she saw me through so many stages of my life, i was so grateful and touched too. :)

and my grandma.. my dad's side. she was with me through my primary school days too. i used to be really rebellious and be totally against her. but she was still so nice to me and brought me to swimming and taught me piano (haha. i bet alot of you didnt know that. i know all the basics one okay! hahaha.). because she stayed with us, she slept in my room. and i used to hate it alot. thinking that she invaded my privacy and all, and i was very rude to her then.

but even as i mature, i saw how she battled the various illnesses, stayed so strong, and how she loves playing the piano and swimming, it touches me alot too..

so this CNY, when i saw her, getting better from her illness, brought me such great joy in my heart too.



sometimes it is so so simple you know? but we are so so blinded by our ego and pride that we dont see it. and we dont learn how to cherish and appreciate and honour them. but by the time you realise it, it'll all be too late.


some thoughts. (what a long post).

i had a great reunion. i love reunion so so much. haha. but somehow, this year's was especially fun and nice. :)

nowadays my sister really really enjoys making fun of me. the whole 'i look younger than her' thing, and the whole house was laughing at me just now! and the whole night was just filled with laughters as we all poke fun at each other and laughing out real loud and stories of 'rotten nail'. hahahaha. and painting nails!

went to watch the fann wong movie with xt and the usual gang. if you havent watched it yet, you are STRONGLY encouraged not to. unless you really enjoy watching pretty fann and chris wearing all those nice clothes. haha.



and that reminds me, i watched 'Changeling' (i've been trying to pronounce this word for the past few days alr. but i still dont know how!) with erika. it is really really good. recommended! angelina's acting was really good. there were so many parts i was shocked and touched by her acting that left me crying and tearing.

was reading yang junwei's blog. mentioned that you'll really get the idea that in and out of the movie, the actress is really someone who loves children. and i think that is the reason why its so nice also la. since jolie has got like, so many kids at home.


-----------------------------------

and i want to write this down before i forget. cheesiang is really so so encouraging. ever since i started my study-hard campaign, he seems to be the only one who really showed support and believe in me. whenever he sees me now, he'll ask how is my progress. i'm really so so encouraged by him. you can really feel the sincerity and support from his heart and it touches me so much. especially when it comes from him.

he really showed and taught me how valuable and how impactful a few encouraging words can be.


-----------------------------------

and tmr is the day. i reckon it'll be as awkward as it can ever be. dreading but longing as well.

every year, it leaves me thinking and wondering. the possibilities and the impossibilities.


and the reality.

okay. random.

but i think i have a lot of affinity with hongkong recently.


my lyrics presentation was on hongkong, i went hongkong, and must do a 10% skit on hongkong earlier on, and two more assignments about hongkong.

hahaahha.



next few weeks, will be busy spinning out 7500 words in total. 6000 will be on hongkong. hahahaha. so coooooollll.


------------------------------

i think the phonecall just now was pretty cool. haha. like even while you were talking, my heart was wildly agreeing with you. like totally you spoke everything that i was thinking. but anyhow, about the talking thing, shall try to change. haha.

and the 1st thing you spoke about, its wow man. didnt see things in that light before.

-----------------------------


had tuan yuan fan today in school with the usual people. i think we are really cool. and i'm so glad that we've come so far. to think that at the beginning, i found it so hard to click with you guys. but now, you guys like totally get me and flow together. hahaha.

i think its so rare and so precious, that 5 of us, (plus part-timer and random 3/4 timer = 7), of totally different personalities and characters can get along together so well. really man. everytime i look at the different ones, seeing how special and unique each one of us is, and bringing that unique touch to the clique, it touches me in a great way. haha.

loveeeee you guys. :)



and dear caryn, both your msn and facebook chat are irritating me till i give up talking to you alr. upgrade your msn or something please!!!

I SO FEEL LIKE HAVING A ROCK CONCERT NOW!

with me playing the guitar, or drums, or having those long wavy hair and super high heels with leatherish skinnies singing. hahahaha. soooo high!!

hahahaha. been listening to a song, and it has been on repeat mode.


and each time it reaches the chorus i just feel like jumping n jumping n screaming n screaming. and you know those rockers with long hair, tossing their hair about. hahaha.


a 50, 000 people concert just like mayday!


with everyone jumping and enjoying themselves.. woooooooo!



but i'll only be going to one on 29th aug which is like, 7 months awayyyyyyy! COME QUICK!!

on the way back home today on the bus. plugging into my iPod and just suddenly, tears begin to fill my eyes.



touched that we have such a connection.

and because i love You more than anything else in this world, i'll treasure every moment i have with You even more after today's message.






not just a slice, but right at the centre of it. you are the source and the reason and the whole purpose.


and i pray, we'll all stand together, united, standing strong on this love. a genuine love that flows from the heart right out to the actions.


it is about the heart.
the willingness flows out of it.

random post before switching off my mac:

on fri, i woke up with perfectly good hair, which made me sooooo happy for the whole day. with every strand straight and falling at the right places.

today, i woke up with irritating hair, with only the fringe falling into the right places.



lets hope that tmr will be a combination of fri + sat. because that would really make my whole day. hahahaha.


vv good hair day = half of the day's battle won. hahaha.


STARTING MY STUDY-HARD CAMPAIGN TMR! I'M SO GOING TO GET MY A!

now i have a super pretty and touching desktop picture. haha. finally changed my gerrard's goal pic since 3 months ago.



have been having lots of fun with poladroid. love how it imitates the real polaroid thing and you gotta wait for it to be developed, with thumbprints and all. so fun!! but apparently jo didnt find it fun. hahahahaha.



random meet ups tmr and next friday. cant wait! :)


(PS. check out my coolest-ever friend. with half of her head bright brown, the other half black.)


and OH. i have the funnest of time with the ma jiang taitais!! hahaha. we had three hours break. and guess what? we sat outside ourspace and painted our nails complete with base coat/top coat for 1 hour. hahaha. SO HAPPENING! and the rest of the time playing spot the difference on facebook. hahaha.


we rock!

i thought that the last pic was super horrifying. hahaha.

Chinese Media & Communication *NEW*	N88	50	--
Chinese Studies	N70	40	14

how come with the new CMC, our student intake decreased and spilt into two instead?! last year was 86!

totally unfair pleaseeee. chinese is actually quite popular..!


--------------------

nowadays, i've been having seriously funny conversations with my sister, that'll get me laughing like dont know what. and it happens too many times in a day. hahahaha. why are we so funny recently. hahaha.

but shes gonna start her 3-11pm work shift again! so it means i'll not see her as much! which is soooo saddeninggg..

Me: nowadays i've been sleeping very early, i want to cultivate good habit.

Sis: HAHAHAHAHA! LOL!

Me: (offended) why you laugh!? very not encouraging lei!

Sis: we've been telling you for a million years alr, so i'm not convinced.

Me: (really offended) but i've been sleeping early and waking early for two days alr!!

Sis: (completely ignored me) ooooh! jason mraz is coming!


:(

but i'm telling you, i'm really making an effort to sleep early now. ytd i slept at 1 plus, and i'm going to sleep soon. which is a MAJOR change for zhangtingting. so proud of myself. hahaha.

------------------

2 talks over the weekend that changed my perspective.

it was sort of an answer to my questions and doubts. and i'm just so amazed.


changes that are good. :) i feel so released. haha.

everything's gonna get only better.

after reading xt's post i've decided to write a bit about today too.

made a decision (actually many this week) to change alot of my bad habits for the better in 2009. and i'm glad to say that i took a mini-step this morning.

and went to buy presents. nowadays i really feel very stressed being in charge of buying presents. and was planning and thinking about saturday. how we should do it, etc. and it just suddenly dawned on me that, you just gotta make the effort, make things happen, when no one else is. not cos of obligations, but of a love and thankyou that flow. and sometimes it just takes you to make that difference. and not a difference that is just enough, but one of impact.






watched Red Cliff 2. it was awesome. the brilliance, the wits, the bravery. so wow. definitely one of my favouritest movie. theres loads you can learn from. (my cousin only seems to have negative things to say about the movie which is soooo irritating and i was arguing with him and he silenced me with - “你不知道真正的三国演义你不要吵！” :( )

有一部分令我小兴奋了一下－《短歌行》。哈哈。前几天还在读那首诗。
‘唯有杜康’ 令我 lol 了一下。哈哈。

yes and it revived my love for chinese. i fell in love once again.

i think one thing that really impacted was the wisdom, intelligence and creativity of the characters. it was just so wow. and it really impressed on me something - that to be able to reach that kinda level, being knowledgeable is so important.

and it also just showed how little do i know about everything and anything. it challenged me so so much to be a better student this year - not just talk the talk, but walk the walk. just like how after the movie, i told xt, “我要好好地读书”.


by random chance, met one of my parents' good friend from old. xt said that hes one of the pioneers, a really great guy. and he owns like, a bookstore. he told me that my 小舅舅 loves dropping by once in a while to read books.


i've heard about him a lot of times from my mum and dad last time, and it also struck me, that level and that kind of knowledge that he has, is so wow. and the fact that my 小舅舅, who is like super busy, takes the effort to still go and read, it shows alot alot.

and there i was, thinking, what exactly am i doing now??

even my dad, we used to have like sooo many books at home. the storerooms and bedroom were filled with his books. and he always took time out to read, before bedtime.


i love to read. but i am not taking any action. so it makes it useless and senseless.


so i'm gonna take this motivation to the next level, to actually see results coming from it.
i'm excited. :)

haha. complete except for jianguang and cally.



a friend of mine went for the korea trip. hearing him share is like beyond amazing alr. imagine going for the trip mannn..

was out with erika today. and i'm so glad we met up since like so long ago. ahaha.

talked about some stuff and made me think about them. thanks for the talk girl, so willing to share with me and all. made me think and i've learnt also.. :)



love spending quality time with people.




---------------------

make it happen, tingting. see results.

HAPPINESS IS


-feeling very hungry at 4am, openin your fridge and realising theres a whole tub of choco icecream.
-running to the kitchen to get a spoon and eating straight from tub. (i hate scooping ice cream out)
-eating choco ice cream with a thick layer of FUDGE at the bottom.


even those mildly annoying nuts in the icecream didnt stop me from enjoyingggg. hahaha.

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY.

i'm so depressed.

i'm missing my fave pencil in the whole world.

its green. those shaker kind.


howwwww can i continue to study my c lit without my fave pencil?!?

:(


pencil, please show up somewhere so i can find you..

give me one more week of break please. i totally feel unready for school. the feeling of being caught in between.

in that one week,
i promise i'll go to the library. and borrow all those books that i've craved for so long.
and give me a nice place, an unknown cafe, and a notebook, and a muji pen, with all my books, and my ipod.
i can just spend the whole day there.

getting in touch.


someone stop all the projects from coming?

i remember my last year's new year reso is to read more. and i dont think i've really achieved it in 2008. i didnt outdo myself.

so i'm going to set it again in 2009. i will read! bought a book from hk. i shall start from there.

my Time subscription is ending soon. i hope my mum extends it. maybe i'll start on national geographic nextttt.

--------------

btw, i love looking at new albums. and i always love flipping the pages and looking at all the pictures and words. and i loveeeee reading all the thankyous that the singer wants to say. even though i dont know 99% of the people they are thanking, but it pleases me so much to read it.

especially so when you see them thanking God. it gives me joy really.


randommmm.

HOG'S BREATH--CHORUS BOARD






awesomee team leader.


vanessa and tat kwek. i had a good laugh with her over msn hahahahahaha.


team darren! with alot missing. haha.


robson and joanna.


the very pretty laura. my ex-team leader. :)


may and sihui. sihui is one zai leader.






classic: jo acting cute. hahhaha.


if he ever sees this i'll probably get stoned. but it is way toooo funny. hahaha.




pro camera take one really looks better. haha. or is it photoshopped? haha.



it was mad fun. haha. our version of 喜怒哀乐 and all the electrified nonsense and hats and funny props. haha.

sihui said before, that chorus board is like a big family. that you can just drop by the container anytime and can find laughters, friends and everyone there.

and contrary to what people think, we are just not a press-up-and-down-for-lyrics-only ministry okay. we work in high intense environment and we are one of the most zai people ard. hahahaha. things that you dont see going on backstage.

:)

THANKSGIVING 08!

why am i blogging so frequently nowadays?!?

haha anyhow, pictures of thanksgiving..







xiaoting yingying, why you guys still look so pretty with clingwrap?!? hahaha!


its their forfeit, which is quite hilarious. hahaa.


he is by far the most sporting with taking pics. haha.


best newcomer!


servanthood!


evangelistic!


best guitarist!






they were soooo unwilling laaaa. haha.


haha gina yulan ying cally mine. mine was a really ugly purple/black thanks to ying and yulan. haha.


e357!!


TO A GREATER 2009! YAYYY! hahaha.


was smsing eugene ang today. and man! how i miss him around! he was excited about the cg though. haha. :)



is it just me or the weekends are like coming too fast nowadays?! tmr is saturday alr! it feels like i've attended service alot of times these few days. haha.

and i've been soooo busy over these 3 weeks of holidays that i havent had time to enjoy it. and i think i have nothing on tmr so i shall just chill out at home or do some constructive stuff. (BTW i finished two issues of Time today!! cool rightttt. hahaha.)

better start on c lit, caryn+tingting!

and today was CB appreciation. it was way too funny and way too much fun. hahahaha. shall do another post some other day.


OH. can i just mention how amused i was?? xiaoting+weijian called and talked for 1hour 11mins about nothing at all. at 1.30am!! its like completely rubbish kinda talk lei. and they kept talking in parables which i dont understand! yaaa i'm really still very amused!! hahahaha.


goodnight all. enjoy my last weekend school-less. but its okay la actually. cos monday will have my faveeeee lesson! hahahaha.