hello.

thinking about the ones lost, the ones gained, the ones who got away, the ones let go...

listened to a sermon earlier. he said, we reminiscence about the 'good old days'. 

but we fail to realize, aging makes us forget the 'bad' in the 'good old days'. 

there's a reason why they left, 

there's a reason why they are not here anymore, 

there's a reason why we've moved on with our lives,

there's a reason why we are where we are today.

do we really want to turn back time and relive certain periods of our lives?

would we have the wisdom we have now to correct a mistake then if we turned back time?

what would change if we have chosen differently?

what would change ... where we are now. who are the ones with us now. 

what would change? 

where we are now ... 

is it a result of wise decisions we've made, or we simply just let life live without us living in it?

many have left, many have moved on, many are no longer with us.

isn't it a funny feeling to know that they were part of us?

and somehow, the winds of life blow people apart such that we look at each other now and feel a strange sense of unfamiliarity yet backed with such a subtle sense of closeness.

these people ... they might not come back into our lives anymore.

and we will continue our lives living in distances that will only grow larger.

and by a stroke of coincidence, we will meet one day on the streets.

and realise ... hey we've all changed.

i will keep those dear to me even dearer to me.

Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years.

People grow old only by deserting their ideals.

Years wrinkle the skin but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair . . .

these are the quick equivalents of the

long years that bow the head and turn

the growing spirit back to dust.

Whether 70 or 16, there is, in every being’s heart the love of

wonder, the sweet amazement of the stars, and the star-like

things and thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events,

the unfailing childlike appetite for “What Next?”

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt,

as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear,

as young as your hope, as old as your despair.

So long as your heart receives messages of

beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from

the earth, from man and from the Infinite, so long are you young.

When all the wires are down, and all the

central places of your heart are covered with

the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism,

then, and only then, are you grown old indeed,

and may God have mercy on your soul. 

- Samuel Ullman

Beautiful poem. May our hearts never grow old, may it stay ever young, with that sweet amazement and unfailing childlike appetite. Such a thing to constantly remember... Touched.

I feel that this period of time, God has been dealing with my heart a lot. Many do not see the struggles and the conflicts within my heart. Of letting go, and letting God. If you don't see, doesn't mean it's not.

I feel that God is teaching me to declutter my heart. Sometimes we allow many experiences, scars, wounds to hurt us, that our heart is not 'whole' anymore. And these can even stop us from drawing near to God. Saw on twitter a few days ago, does time really heal? We don't know for sure, but we know that Jesus will.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."

Pure heart = Pure vision.

Coming into a place of yieldedness and brokeness before the Lord. And these, I know He doesn't despise.

I'm happy at where I'm at now, because I feel Him closer than ever before, and these experiences won't be wasted. I've come a long way in being stubborn... But only He knows the ways of my heart.

I love Mondays. If you don't already know that.

People always ask me... So what do you do on your off days?

Well... I'm afraid the answer would change how people think of me. Hurhur. Or mostly people who are not close to me. 

Contrary to what most people think, I hate going out. Okay maybe hate is a strong word. Maybe dislike is better. I stay home on Mondays. I strongly believe that we all need days where we just hole up and disappear from the world. One day, I'm gonna try disappearing without my phone. When I don't need to answer to anyone, answer any questions, or even talk for the matter. (And that's why my replies are slower on Mondays....)

There is just something so powerful in staying away. At least for me. I work hard five and a half days of the week, and I NEED this off day, to just disappear. I don't really need to do anything in particular but I do love to do the usuals, cooking, reading and watching my shows. 

I stay strictly protective over my Mondays... I only give exceptions to exceptional cases... If I don't feel well-rested, I feel that I will start the week with an unhappy and unrested soul and I absolutely dislike that.

Well, something about me. I love my Mondays. Period. :)