hello.

i wanted to say this. i think that being emotional sometimes is a good thing after all. i mean, great writers, composers are all much more emotional than normal people right? cos without feelings, how are you able to express? but i guess, it must be directed in the right direction.

sometimes i find that going through phases of life is like, so interesting.

i'm at a point when i'm at the crossroads, choosing my next path and trying to guess what my future holds. being such an indecisive person, you have no idea how much i'm going through on the inside of me.

so should it be A? or A + B? or just C? but what if A is the best? what if i cant do it?

but i still have to say, it is a necessary part of life where we truly know ourselves and grow to be ourselves, and being set apart.

random, but i've always envied those people who have really obvious talents and gifts. they seem to be able to shine, and discover their talents early in life. i admire that. something which i am still trying to grope and find out at this point of my life.

well i actually intended to blog alot more but i cant remember what i wanted to say. wish there was a mind diary of some sort.

been watching Skins. its a crude show, very very crude show. but it somehow still draws me in. i like how real the characters are, how imperfect they are, how honest they are about life. how they fail again and again, but along the way, find bits and pieces of themselves. but they'll lose them again, but somehow, still manage to piece things together and work out for good.

they are a whole bunch of screwed up kids. and somehow, just kinda refreshing to know that there are still imperfections in this world. ironic i know. and a bit psycho. but somehow i just really like that show.

some stuff that happened. made me think alot.

as i was walking that same way to that same destination, it surprised me how well i could memorise the way there. and how i hated walking that exact path. i wish i never ever have to walk that same path ever again. and i was tearing. and i recalled back that previous time i walked that path, i was tearing too. but both for different people in my life.

the previous was much dear to me. i was so so worried i just couldnt help myself and i just kept tearing once i heard the news. i needed to see her for myself to get the assurance.

this isnt as close to me. but my heart totally went out to him, and my heart ached so much. when i reached, i didnt dare to look at him, i didnt dare to look at the arm. i was afraid.

but eventually i did. and i saw fine lines etched across his face, and him struggling, to try to get his message across, occasionally showing signs of pain and frustration. my heart ached so much. so many occasions i wanted to tear.

here's a man. who had no choice in life. whatever that happened to him so far, he didnt have any say in it. he worked hard all his life, just trying to get by. lived a honest life, with a simple house, simple family. but life has been cruel to him.

when i was studying chinese literature, i felt the most for those characters who had no say in their destinies. my heart went out to them. though they are fictional, but they speak volumes about a life that has no freedom, no choice, no love. and i often thought about them alot in classes while my teachers were analyzing them.

this situation reminded me of those characters. perhaps not as tragic, but they are all trapped in a prison cell of life. they have no vision or dream. their only vision and dream is to live happily, die peacefully, and just get by.

reminded of all the unfairness in this world. where some people can have it all, others just have miserable lives.

but as i was thinking about all these yesterday, i saw a scene which warmed my heart greatly.

i saw love,

and i saw family.

in such situations, these things shine all the more brighter. and it warms every heart and give so much hope. people that you can rely on, to fall back on. given such extreme circumstances, they are the ones who wouldnt give up on you. who would truly be there, wherever you are.

just to hold your hand, to give you a hug, to give you a smile,

just to let you know everything's gonna be alright.

it was then that i really thought to myself, nothing's more important than this. and love's really what we all live for. whether unknowingly or not.

but still, i pray that God will truly bless his family and bring them through, and really show them the greatest love of all. because thats the only thing that will make all the incompleteness complete, and a reason for everything that they've been through.

so hi, i'm back to the blogging world. much apologies for taking a break. reason being 1) too lazy 2) too occupied with the iphone 3) uninspired.

so people have asked me so what exactly did i learn from my China trip?

how was 2010 for me?

how am i going to spend 2011?

after like 20 days, all the new year vibes must be gone already. i'm just really happy to be back. still basking in all the homeliness feel. i love home, love my family. i like the fact that i can get back my life and i have the time to really spend it with myself and having time off to do the things i love again.

life nowadays is very simple, just books, the iPhone, and my shows. and meetups, dinners etc. its all good. i kinda dont want to disrupt the peace that i have now, but i guess i cant have it for long. but for once, please let me be able to enjoy. cos after all, i've been away from home for 130+ days and it was an extreme experience for me.

just started on two books im super excited to read and im just happy to lay my hands on them finally after months. looking forward to find some inspirations :)

i typed this out while i was still in china but didnt have a chance to blog on 01/01/11:

Dress like yourself.

I guess i've became too skeptical and critical over the years. i dont know if its a bad thing or a good thing. but i still stand on my views.

i get the creeps when i see someone else trying to dress like another. be it famous fashion bloggers, or anyone else. i get the creeps when i see a blog and its filled with pieces that are ought to be 'famous'.

the same Sam Edelman shoes, the same Acne shoes, the same Proenza Schouler bag, the same Jeffrey Campbell Litas, the same Balenciagia bag, that same type of cross necklace, that same style of rings like Pamela Love, f21, that same Miu Miu shoes, that same Topshop oversized knit, that same Topshop boots, you get my drift.

i mean, great, you have all these pieces. and truth to be told, they are expensive and worth lusting after for. but.. i think what's really lacking is character. you are just trying to be another person.

so what if you dress well? trying to fit into a mold that is seemingly 'acceptable' and because they are 'famous' wont make you go far.

that being said, i dont think its wrong to own any of those said 'famous' pieces. but i think its wrong when you are trying to mimic someone. sure, we all start somewhere and feed on inspiration and these things do go in circles, but i just think its not cool when you are just trying to be the next Rumi or whatever.

maybe this coming from me might be a little unbelievable, but sometimes, i think i do get so tired of the so-called 'fashion'. yes, everyone does want to look good, but sometimes, i think getting back to the basics, to the core, to just being you, would be a very good change.

we can be so muddled up with everything that perhaps we lost ourselves somewhere along the road.

fashion is just skin-deep. character is deeper than that. and i guess that is one core reason why i quitted ADM in the first place.