hello.

these few weeks have been even more truthful to myself than ever. took up the courage to face certain issues in my life.


its pretty scary to throw everything out there, not knowing the outcome.


but i'm really trusting You more than ever before..
because i'll need to lean on You more than ever.


right now i can stand even stronger.

i'm really excited somehow.. :)

no idea why.



excited about all that is to come. :)
though it seems that my limits are constantly being challenged, but i think its cool!





just now finally got some time to spend with shing. and i love it! though it was quite short, while running errands n eating dinner n all.. but it was good. and i've learnt stuff. :)


always very blessed to have people around who challenge me to better myself all the time.. saw how busy Sihui was.. but she is always never too busy for any member. she always shows love and concern individually that really touches and inspires. no matter what.. she ALWAYS has time for anyone and ALWAYS listens and ALWAYS gives advice. she is ever so concerned about each and everyone of our spiritual growth. and about our lives. :) so blessed to have her over my life.. always challenges me to be better.






::: mayday got best band :) lu guang zhong got best melody and newcomer award. :) :) hes so cute he makes me smile. :) :)

my heart totally melted at that last glance n smile that he gave.

"We'll be coming,
We'll be coming,
We'll be coming down the road,
When you hear the noise of the billy shankly boys,
We'll be coming down the road~"

july 26th! one more month! :) :)

ytd and today.. it really drilled something into me..


these few weeks werent the most smooth sailing. if i didnt tell, you wouldnt know what is happening exactly. it has been really challenging on me. many times and many days i face unexpected things.. and it really affected me. it was like a whole new different drama serial. now even more crucial because the people closest to me are hurting too. and i thought that i couldnt be more hurt, couldnt be more broken.



and i was thinking and reflecting.. why? this time, it feels really different from a few years ago. and i know that i've already came out from all that happened those few years. it was a different struggle.. but now.. to me.. its a whole new different story and a whole new different situation. its different.. and in a sense, i felt as though i was back at square one.. groping around.. not knowing how to handle anything that comes my way..




and i was just rerunning through every single situation and thing that happened before..


and i realised.. it is all so worth it. no matter how deep it cut me. no matter how affected i was. or even how much tears i've shed over the years.. it is all so worth it.



because i was able to relate and to experience a kinda love that i havent had before.
and all these experiences shaped and defined my very love for my Father.
without going through all these, i wouldnt be where i am today..
how i need Him..




and today.. struck me hard..
all of these.. sometimes even repetitive.. is to make me more dependent on Him than ever.

and to break every single piece of me.. so so thoroughly..
so that i'll know and serve as a reminder to me always.. that my whole heart is His only, and it is only Him who can glue and heal back every single shattered piece.. only Him.




and nothing else matters because i am my Beloved's and i love Him..
more than anything in life.

who really understand what you are going through?


you let it surface, and the next sec, swallowed it back down like you always do..
how utterly torn are you inside?
how deep exactly is the hurt?
to whom do you share?




pains me..
very much..
very very much..

been revisiting mayday's songs of old. haha.
still amazes me all the time with their creation.




i dont really know what to blog about..





sometimes adult stuff are better left among themselves ey?
dont understanddddd..
you are soooooo far away..



arty people really do things differently huh?
amazedddd..


其实我们都一模一样
无名却充满了莫名渴望
一生等一次 发光
宁愿重伤也不愿悲伤
让伤痕变成了我的徽章
刺在我心脏 永远不忘

默默的让著旋律 和我心交响

至少在我的心中 自己为自己鼓掌

每个孤单天亮，我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律 和我心交响
就算会有一天 没人与我合唱
至少在我的心中 还有个尚未崩坏的地方
孩子一样 不肯腐烂的土壤
再唱 再唱 再唱 再唱 再唱


amazing lyricssss.. hope my dear AX will win on June 27th!



one random 3am, decided to redo my wallpaper.
lovessss it..! :)

halfway watching 《龙猫》.

i cant stand it anymore. it is by far the cutest ever movie i've ever ever watched in my whole life!!

for the entire movie i was smiling at my screen and laughing together with the little girl!

seriously, if i have a daughter that cute.. i wont have any worries in life alr.




and.. the dad.. touches me soooo much.
he is in every way, an ideal father!
so accepting, so fun, so encouraging, always believing. even if it sounds absurd.

wow man.




i love the little girl!!!!!!gosh!!!!

k now i'm super willing to write the movie review. hahaha.

the difference between an 'I' and 'S':
'I' will pack holidays with lots of activities.
'S' will prefer to stay at home, with a book/movie/music etc.
lol.

so obviously i choose staying at home anytime. haha.

loads of stuff running through my mind.
and the most cek ark thing is that it keeps reminding you what you havent done.
yes yes. i'll need to start on school work soon.
and yes yes. i'll finish up all the undone stuff.




desperation..
lots of things kept..
God..

oh can i just say! i adore/love these!! SOOOO prettyyyy!! sooooo niceee!!

i should just wear all pink someday. i think i can pull off lor.


okay im really going off now.

listening to niu nai again.. reminded me of early sec sch days. when i crazily went after energy.

i cut out every newspaper article that i find, every magazine that includes them (even if its just a small little 2cmx2cm pic i'll also buy), and i used to memorize and rap every song of theirs (ya last time i really rap with them). have this whole stack of magazines with them on cover. i collected every single thing possible with 'energy' on it.

cut out the whole class' 《星期五周报》 with elaine to send alot of coupons over to win concert tickets. wasted dont know how many stamps. (and we won).

saved up to buy their albums, to buy toro's book. screamed over them. do all sorts of girly fan stuff. and i used to keep a small notebook on stuff abt them. but its in one of those boxes now though. however my sis n mum opposed, i still went after them crazily.


but well i guess its a phase of life which is nice to revisit and think back.. those crazy stuff..

i guess every girl has got their girly fan phase?
energy was really hot then you know.. they knew how to dance and all.. and write songs.

was sad that they changed after E3 though. funny memories. :)

年轻的故事都一样
真正精彩都写在最后一行
对失败认真的欣赏
房子要盖得漂亮就狠狠的打下木桩..
heyyy come onnn

lol.

layers..

heart to heart..
the truth..


normal?
change?


reconnecting..

beyond all the layers.. beyond all the pretense..
let the heart speak and cry..

it has healing powers.
for every crack, wound, cut.

have you heard of chin mei chin confectionary? haha. its a v famous shop from katong. and i used to go there every two weeks when i was young. all of their cakes/puffs are super yummy. their cream puffs are especially so. it is always sold out.


so now i'm happily eating one of the choco puff thing my mum bought. so yummy! :)



and this time, 倔强 played again on my shuffled list. haha. so random.



okayyyyyy i'm left with 200 words!! :) :)

i am so tired.. physically. but spiritually and mentally so excited and awake. haha. the contrast.
the past 4 days of waking up early and all has really been so impactful and powerful.
and for the first time ever, i was always super early for classes. :)



finally done with mini chinese lit test. while studying for it, impresses me alot that there is so much to talk about and to express about in literature. it is really a very beautiful topic. there is always something deeper, there is always something more.


once there is an attitude and mindset change, the things that you do, they become so so enjoyable. i dont really mind studying for literature test anytime, given ample time. i love how the different characters and images speak volumes. and they signify a certain type of people or society that can be seen at modern times. they are all interlinked.


and once again, i am so happy and fulfilled to be studying chinese, really. more than that i know this is where God has placed me. and slowly i am discovering my strengths and weaknesses in the process. it is ever so fulfilling.



yes. your vision molds you.

waking up at 535 + praying in the morning +
breakfast with funny people + loads of time to spare and do stuff +
random morning/afternoon at starbucks + macbook in hand +
drink nearby + alone with music =
most enjoyable thing in the world even though u seem to have loads of things to rush for.

:)

and its only 1248pm! haha. will make it fruitfullllll!

was feeling so tired, so cek ark and so sticky n hot. and i was kinda on the verge to extreme irritation cos the weather was like !!! hot. and then i went to the fridge, opened and found this:




which totally made my day. (or night). haha. its my fave packet drink ever! from sec sch. and normally its chrysanthemum, which i hate. but today its soy bean! and one whole row of them! haha.


funny how those small little things can cheer you up.



had a rare saturday out with xt n dong! its like one of the times when i didnt have anything on, xt didnt need to rush down to all sorts of places, and dong is out from camp! (and ying who totally went to sleep).

i had soooooo much fun today.. it was soooo enjoyable. i predict this is going to be kinda the rare few times. haha.



kkkkkkk off to finish off stuff and getting up early tmr! :)


(oh nowadays i really think that center alignment is like the coolest thing ever. left alignment is like so ugly! lol.)

i felt that today, my attitude was really challenged. even in the midst of all the confusion and rush, it just impressed in my heart that, yes yes i must not not forget.. never ever.. and i was humbled once again. and it just taught me something again - that preparation is everything. its not about the moment, its about the journey to that moment.
and i'm truly sorry for ever having any lousy attitude.


it is always a blessing to serve when pastor tan is preaching. i always learn something new about him. today was no exception. even as i was wow-ing and all with joanna over the coms set. and she said, "if you can follow pastor tan, you can follow anyone else." and yes.. its so true.. and throughout the whole BS we were both "wahh that is so true!!" and "wowwww so cool!" to each other. lol. :)


sitting there, point after point, verses after verses and i was so wowed. it drilled something in me. and sat there with tears in my eyes and flowing.. even as i was so far away and in that fish tank.. but wow.. His presence and power.. and was reminded once again.. :)

and like what sihui said, we can all identify at one stage or another.




-----------------------------

if u are reading this, shing and weiwen. haha! thanks soooo much again! so sorry i was really lag today. haha. cos before that was super rushed n all before SOS started. so i was a bit slow in realising. but wow man!!! i was soooo surprised!!! thank you sooo much!!! :) :) hahaha. sorry la i 'accidentally' opened that sms. hahaha!

i LOVE her hair!

and to quote some random comment, its hard not to envy anything richie.




i'm craving for some sort of vanilla float now..