hello.

i am such a mess. if only i cease to exist.





i hate...



i yelled and i screamed and i cried.



exchange anyone?

i get highly IRRITATED when people dont reply my smses!!


if you can and you saw my message why cant you reply?!
causing unnecessary trouble only.




ahhhhhh!!
just ranting.

im so tired..


of 2009.

spent my xmas... sleeping. haha. ko-ed that for the first time, had 4 calls and i didnt wake.


woke up to delicious smell, sis bf cooked dinner.
pasta + cheesy garlic mussels + salad complete with discovery channel and family.
nice :)

sis bf thinks i'm a walking ghost. lollllll.



i'm a little sianed doing cards already. this year is like the most massive cards production ever. lollll. but wellll.. :)


been long since no cg before reporting time. heh. shall reward myself with pearly soya tmr. :)



i'm turning old, officially.
must be nights and nights of sleeplessness and all those, shoulders and back been hurting like crazy these past few days. this morning woke up with bad aches all over. not helping when i'm always carrying such heavy stuff on my shoulders. :(

felt as if i went for a workout or something. lol. need a massage badly!

when pastor finished preaching, i teared.
hardened hearts, refusal... vs soft hearts...



"christmas is all about giving Jesus space in your heart"
---------------

after all the whinings, realised it is actually quite a good thing to be busy during xmas. :)




back to busyyyyy.

so my mum is in hongkong now for 7 days.and she abandoned 2 kids here in sg.


life kinda sucks without mama around.but its definitely x1000 more peaceful.and i'm enjoying it before she comes back (lol).



so that means.. now everyday i gotta do chores.

ytd i cleaned the floor, my sis laundry.
today i laundry, my sis floor.


i hate cleaning the floor. its my most hated chore ever. i would rather wash bowls.but i realise like that ah... alternating, wed+fri would be my turn, my sis only got thurs left before mama comes back. :(


thats kinda sad.

in the span of a few days,
tingting mopped the floor, changed my bedsheets, cleaned the toilet, did the laundry, going to wash my bedsheets and hang it to dry (eh queen size bedsheet okay very hard to hang please).



okay la. doesnt sound v wow. but then its alot for miss zhang tingting who is pretty much very pampered okay. lol.


and actually its pretty much exciting to see the house clean. lol.

i dont even want to start saying just how disappointed i am....






in liverpool..



sigh.

sometimes i think even i myself dont understand my thoughts and feelings.


just pray for some normalcy and simplicity now.



it is way beyond saturation...



... not good enough?

.................................................

heh. i called changi airport starbucks at 6am in the morning to ask for the prices for 10 drinks. hahaha. i think its so funny.


looking at the mess in my room, realised what kinda person i am.
-did marketing, notes strewn all across my bed and floor.
-continued with cards making, materials occupy another half of bed n floor.
lol. ended up with a reallllll mess to clear up.


but happyyyyy! managed to accomplish my jobs.


running on very low sleep level now. slept only 0.5h ytd, now completely no have.



one more photog portfolio and done for half of the sem!
though it doesnt seem like there can be much rest, but!




----------------------

was a little disappointed with myself today actually. thought that i had already given up long before i tried, and its negative! if i could have been more positive abt it, it could have been better. but well. its a lesson learnt. reflected upon myself. i will do better next time!





now a cuppa starbucks would be good!

THANK YOU WONG KT. FOR THESE FEW NIGHTS OF SUPPORT.
THOUGH YOU ARE TIRED AND ALL.
AND EVEN THOUGH I ANYHOW REPLY YOU, YOU ARE STILL THERE!
AND WHEN I :( YOU PEI-ED ME.

haha. ohmy so touching.




k back to my world of marketing mix and branding strategies. :( sad stuff.
thank God i'm not in business course.

danny yeo's presentations ALWAYS give me the jitters.
i ALWAYS feel super nervous before my turn.
(especially for tmr..!)


dreadsssss..
can i not present tomorrow? :(



but its in a good way la i guess. his criteria and all always challenge me to get out of my comfort zone and try things that i normally dont do.




(prays that i do well tomorrow)

i'm doing anything but.

i think i have a serious serious problem.

remember the personality test did in class, "sees much but shares little".

but i think its really "don't know how to express" alot more.

so many times i have views and all, but i dont know how to express. and things come out incoherent.

so you'll need lots of patience talking to tingting.

lol. okkkk. still learning alright.

-----------------------------------

i think even as we all grow up, learning to take initiative and being responsible is so important.

because alot of times it is not about you anymore.

not just out of obligation, but a sincere initiative that you want to do something.

------------------------------------


the heart.
most important.

funny how the older we get, the more is required of us.
learning to add value, and be of use to anyone/anything.



last lap of the race.
thoughts of giving up, thoughts of doubts.
shall all go away when the finishing line is in view.


time for that last dash, last shot.
give it all we've got.
before results is decided and prizes given out.


that amazing last surge of energy and strength from somewhere.



we can do it!
last chance for 2009.

had supper with them.


it was hilarioussssss as usual.


and while on the way home, i asked him,
what would happen to him if his car and all these were to disappear?


he replied,
i would cry and run to God.


and just when he was about to say something more, we were interrupted.



but well... it has been interesting so far to see his decisions in life and what he chases after.
but ultimately.. hmmm.. lol.





goodnighttttttt.

my crazeh cousins with me. 19, 18, 13.

had housewarming with the relatives. really happy to have such cousins around.
grew up together, argued together, laughed together.
+ 2 other male cousins whom we are closer with.
though they are largely jap influenced now, but still thankful for them :)


sis ran 21km ytd.
the sight of her limping really cracks me up.


xmas soon.
gonna start on my massive cards production soon.



manyyyyyyyyyyy thoughts going thru my mind. sigh.

未来？

understanding.
empathy.



cos people are always too quick to judge.
cos all they want is to tell you what to do.
cos in their eyes, you dont know what to do.



alot of times, we know the solution to the problem.
but we just need someone there, to listen, to understand, to empathize.



not just on the surface, but wholeheartedly.


-----------------------------------

还没好好地感受 雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵着手走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜天长和地久

有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流



how pretty chinese is.

-----------------------------------

just what am i afraid of?

is there a magic spell that i can cast?
so that theres more time..
so that my assignments and projects and all can instantly be done..


or a magic pill to eat...
so i no need to go through all these ....




aiya. pls just go away la can. i'm so tired of .......



grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


ah ah ah.




i'm working hard... i am really working hard...
i've never worked so hard before in my whole life. please. understand.

just had a useless ichat with kt.




so in the nothingness and since tonight feeling so happy, i shall post pics of my favouritest women on earth ever.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much i love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much i love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you


i think its one of the sweetestttt song everrrrrr.
like really got love-y bubbles all aroundddd..




im gonna wear a prettyyyyyy skirt tmr.. makes me happy x100 :)


soooooooo happy YDL is backkkkkk... :)



God is goooddddddddddddd.. :)



(i'm in a drag my words mood now.)

it was the second time..




my fear?

today, perhaps the thing that i was most impacted by was this line:



“真正了解自己的人，可以让自己不偏向任何特性。”



hmmm? food for thought.


but its easier said than done?


interesting.