hello.

Have some free time so shall jot down some thoughts...

This idea has been on my mind a lot lately - being alone.

I mean it in a state of total alone-ness, where there's only you and no one else. And I think it's very true that it's only when people are at their wits' end will they find God. Not that I'm exactly at my wits' end or breaking apart and desperately need God around, but just at a point where I need to be 'alone'.

I've been 'alone' for a bit now, and I just have this thought that ALL of us, need to come to a place where we can be so comfortably alone, only then can we have the strength and 'security' to reach out to others.

I've found so much peace and joy in this period of time. I've never thought that I needed it, but I realized there is so much to be learnt and enjoyed while being alone. Once we've really come to terms with this, only then will we have the love for others, in a 'whole' state.

In this period of time, I've learnt to put my trust in God, to release my many insecurities to Him, saw my weaknesses that I've not seen before, and was able to be 'whole' again, to depend on Him like He's my partner. Like what I've tweeted, I feel that this year has been a really growing and learning experience for my 'inside'. My emotions, feelings and thoughts. Really enjoying being comfortable with just God alone. Such a closeness that I've never experienced before. 

I've struggled a lot with insecurity and inferiority complex in the past. It's suffocating sometimes, it's like sinking sand, and you will only sink deeper if you struggle more. I needed to stop struggling, I needed to stop looking for other temporary things to hold on to, I needed Him to reach in and hold me up on the solid Rock. 

In those solitude moments, without any other distraction, only then can God speak to me, and show me things. There is power in being alone. There is power in solitude. And we all need that... Not just an hour everyday, but to really learn to be alone for a period of time. To be totally vulnerable in front of God.

He's awesome... isn't He? 

Let my revelations grow deeper and deeper I pray...

before this thought slips away...

Been pondering quite a bit on paths and past nowadays. 

I hate that we constantly have a 'past' labeled to us. And the word 'past' is always associated with something negative. Yes, I get the whole 'oh the past is what makes us', 'we learn from our mistakes', 'we wouldn't be where we are if it's not for our past' thing. BUT isn't it tiring? 

Sometimes a lot of things I just wish I had the wisdom to decide otherwise then. Why is it that we always have to learn through mistakes and whatnot. The imperfection in us, seeking a kind of perfection. Why can't we be like pure snow, untainted and un-dirtied. Sometimes I just wish I could 'shake' off my past, as if nothing happened. As if in 22 years of my existence, I am who I am now not because of a 'past' and 'mistakes'.

Funny how God restores, erases, and washes our sins as white as snow, but we humans struggle so much to try to come to terms with that. That we are a new creation, and we have a new beginning. 

Please be assured that I'm not feeling particularly 'emotional' about this, but I was just thinking really hard in my head. Inevitably, this is how God made us. 

May we always have the wisdom to make the right decisions, and be led by the Spirit daily. Life is too short to live just for ourselves.