okay now for the post that i wanna share.

wed's bible study really impacted me alot.and wow,the crowd was overwhelming,theres around 3-4 brothers who had to stand throughout the onehour odd long bible study cos there wasnt enough chairs,but even if theres chairs,there wasnt enough room to accommodate.i was so pleasantly surprised!its the first time ever.

but its a good problem i guess. :)

well,towards the last part,darren actually talked about a verse that i didnt quite get still.and he was explaining the real meaning to that verse and it was such a revelation!then he shared his testimony and how his dad got saved even though he was all cynical about darren's faith at first.

and he said,he was wondering why God always divides the believer from the family and let him go through persecution and stuff when He loves both parties?

then he said this that really impacted me alot:
God first divides to reconcile on the right values.
--to divide the right from the bad,to divide the righteous from the unrighteous.

well,it has everything to do with what i believe in.what i've been through what i'm forced to face.everything's very rocky back here at home.my house finally got sold.moving where to i still dont know we havent found a place yet.but well,nights were spent arguing over the division of the money.

it was the first time i saw my dad cry.first time i saw my sister cry.not the first time i saw my mum,still trying to be strong in front of me.theres obviously this crack between both sides,due to the many years spent not communicating and understanding each other,thus this division in ideas.

i stood at one corner watching the whole episode happening in front of me on wed.i can totally see and understand both sides.but you know,in an argument,it doesnt matter who win,but if theres an agreement that is to be reached by both parties.

theres even times when i lie on my bed,staring at the ceiling,late in the night,wondering what is it that i'm holding on for?why am i still so optimistic even though everything looks bleak?why am i still believing and having trust in God that everything will be fine?

but always,i'm like the only one believing.

but still,you wont ever see tingting giving up or getting too messed up by this whole saga.yes,it'll probably be really messy from now onwards,what with all the procedures and signing of all the papers.arguments,people screaming at each other's faces,tensed up atmosphere at home..i've been facing all these all along.its a terrible feeling.

but God.
already gave me the victory.
already promised me He'll walk this long stretch of road with me.
was there when i really needed someone to understand and comfort me.
is always faithful.
gave me the hope and joy that this world cant take away.
made me whole.

and even as i'm typing this right now,i can feel my eyes filling up with tears.

you who are reading this now will probably never understand how i feel.but its okay,cos my Daddy does.

its such a joy,that after experiencing all these,i know i can find Him in that secret place,waiting for me,embracing me,fulfilling all that i ever need,reassuring me.He's so real.

thats the reason why tingting doesnt fear or worry or feel sad.cos i'm staying optimistic as long as God is with me. :)