okay.today marks the day of my grandpa's last day on earth. (at least in bodily form).

and btw,i just feel that this post is going to be really long.haha.

well,i cant explain why.but the whole 5 days was tiring and tiring.no idea why,considering we had nothing much to do.but it was so draining physically and mentally i seriously doubted i can last for 5 days.

and the most exaggerating thing is,sat's ritual actually lasted from 11am all the way till 10.30pm.with 1 hour/half hour/20 mins break in between.it was crazy like dont know what.but the whole thing was a whole new experience as well.learnt lots of stuff and felt that i went up another level.

(oh btw,before i get into those stuff,felicia chin and tay ping hui and joanne peh and chen tai ming came!hahaha.and i shook felicia's hands shes omgly pretty.and tay ping hui said 'thank you' to me when i served him peanuts.hee.)

these five days,so many thoughts running through my mind.i just cant add them together to come to a conclusion.but well,one thing that really impacted me alot was this:



LIFE
__________________________________________

DEATH



life and death.its only separated by one thin line.theres no going back.

i still cant forget the image of my grandpa,still alive.so happy to see me visiting him,but yet,dont have the energy to say anything to me,with all the oxygen mask and countless tubes sticking into his bruised hands.

and the next thing i know,he's lying there,dead,but with a little life still left,supported by all the medicine and machines.but hes already not breathing and his heart stopped beating.

and the doc declared him dead at 2.29pm.after waiting for all of the family members to be present.

and the next image was of him,lying there like a mummy.the nurses used white cloth to wrap his body up.

after that,its like what i always used to see on hongkong dramas,us identifying the body in the mortuary,the body all stiffened up and lifeless,like the bodies in CSI.

and then,we were all doing the rituals.and as i passed by the coffin,seeing his sunken face and lifeless body,it saddened me so much.





we breathe everyday.our heart beats every min.

and i came to realise,its all so precious.
it got me really impacted.





today was the cremation.

and the idea that grandpa's body is gone in the fire,and all that's left of him is his photograph,it made me tear.

today my uncle told me,we were born into this world carrying nothing,and we leave carrying nothing as well.

and as i witnessed the cremation,was just thinking about it.and..its so true.my grandpa left with nothing.

as he was pushed into the fire,flashes of my grandpa flashed through my mind.though i was never close to him,but he still loved me.and i'll always remember his smiling face,hugging me,his moustache pricking into my cheek as he kisses me.





i learnt so much over these few days that i can never learn elsewhere.

i made such a big step towards God.everyday,i thank Him that i'm alive and kicking.every morning,i thank Him that its a new day that He has made,i will rejoice and be glad in it.






how can we cherish?

i remember reading a blog post my sis posted ages ago after her birthday.
she said that she love the family alot.but she knows that one day,we'll be gone.thats why shes doing her best to cherish.but she was asking,if she cherished more,isnt it saying that it'll be even more painful when we're gone?




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Dear God,

even though i may not understand the mysteries of life.but i still wanna thank You for everything.

you know,its such a honour,today,being able to rush down for service and rush off again.like what pst kong said,"peace that surpasses all understanding".

i cant thank You enough.the very thing that You gave me life.and the unexpressable joy.i felt so happy today at church.that is where i belong.

you know the things that run through my mind.i may not have answers.but i know its all part of your masterplan.

if one day i'll die and be cremated like my grandpa,i just want to let you know that i'll be thankful..that my body is just a symbolism of my life on earth..that i still have eternity with you.

thank you again..for life.for every breath.for every heart beat.

everything that i'm living for.and everything that i am.

thank you for such a precious lesson learnt.

i may not grasp hold of the whole 'cherish' thing yet.but Daddy,i want you to know that i really do cherish what you gave and promised me..as i cross 2 years with you,i come to realise more and more everyday that what i have with you,i cant find anywhere else..

i'm so proud to have you as my big and perfect Daddy. :)