A letter to Dad.

Pa,

A little belated, but Happy Father's Day.

I don't think you have any idea how much I dread this occasion. After many years down the road, it's still the same for me.

It'll always be a hole and a lack in my life. And because of you, I struggled with trust issues. And after that a couple of bad relationships, it felt like you all over again, and I realized just how deep you've hurt me by walking away, by causing such unhappiness. Whenever I got reminded of those times, whenever I reread all your emails, there will always be emotions surging through me, of sadness.

I never had a proper male model or a real man in my life before. A real father. In all my life, my fondest memory is probably you bringing me to the playground when I was 3. The rest of it is so smeared by unhappiness and distance.

I never had a proper chance to say how I really feel to you or to anyone. But if you are reading this, I just want to say, I've forgiven you. I know that deep down, you still do love us. I forgave you... many years ago. But the healing takes time... and I might never be able to forget the hurt and perhaps it'll always remain as an untreatable sore in my heart.

Even through all these, I found strength and love in someone bigger, someone whose love does not run out. That, alone, saved me. I don't know where would I be if I haven't found that saving grace.

That Father will weave a beautiful story out of my pain... He alone will.

I haven't seen you for more than 2 years... I'm not ready to face you yet or to have a conversation with you... But I pray with all my heart that you'll find happiness and fulfillment that you've been looking for all your life. I pray that you'll see what's truly important and pursue them, instead of things that will pass away. I pray that in the midst of it all, you'll find the same peace that I've found and we can meet in heaven.

Pa, I really pray you'll be happy. And I await that day of reconciliation, when we are all ready, in God's love.


Ting.

the magnificent creation.

it's a good thing to be close to nature once in a while.


this morning i purposely woke up at 4.50am to try and catch the sunrise. but all i saw was fog and drizzle and clouds. but in the distance i saw the waves roaring in to the beach... birds chirping nearby...

not picture perfect. but it was beautiful still...

i went back to bed touched to the core. every single thing that God created is so beautiful.
sometimes we get so caught up with busyness we fail to just pause, and see.
everything around us, God created them. and it's so magnificent.


today we went to a 香草 place. saw the different mints. there were at least 4-5 of them, each so uniquely different and smells different as well. i was so amazed! add to them the beautiful roses, and different flowers... 


i was touched again. God put in so much thought in creating these things. down to every single detail. 
it's amazing, ain't it?



a pause from work is a very good thing.
had the chance to know God as someone real... and you can see Him everywhere.

or maybe it's because i've been reading The Shack, so everything seems to be that little more personal. 
how i yearn to see You face to face one day... 

On the wings of prayer.

"On the wings of prayer our burdens take flight, 
And our load of care becomes bearable light,
And our heavy hearts are lifted above,
To be healed by the balm of God's wonderful love,
And the tears in our eyes are dried by the hands of a loving Father who understands. 
All of our problems, our fears and despair, 
when we take them to Him. 
On the wings of prayer."


Such a touching poem. :)