hello.

felt that i really got up on the wrong side of bed today.majorly.

felt so lang bei today out in the public.had one of the worst mornings ever.wanted so much to just stand there and cry..


runawayyyyyy.

Sigh.smile ting smileeeeee go and get your As today!

questions
doubts
reasonings...


kept asking myself.. why?


have no idea... i have no answer...

just keep going... keep going...


Well...

sometimes you just find friends in the most unusual way ever :)

-------------------------

i'm having a major major whiny mood now.

feet tired and sore cant find clothes dont know what to wear tmr my mum intrusive very tired very hungry still dont know what to wear tmr havent done a few things the week ahead looks scary enough dont wanna do alot of things still must do havent been to art friend wanna buy stuff but no time or too tired to go down dont know how still got very minute stuff to worry abt so this is why i cant stand myself sometimes dreads ... dreads .... dont know how dont know how need encouragement and a pat on the back would appreciate a nice warm hug now hai and i still dont know what to wear tmr



K ting stop it. Coming week will be great.

when i was faithless, You were ever so faithful.

when my heart gave out signals of breaking down, You were there to comfort, and made me whole again.

when no one else understands me, You were there. Your still small voice.

when i fail again and again, You picked me up and told me its alright, lets try again.

Truly blessed today. Touched.

once again, i've proved myself wrong.

and reminded again of how important it is, what i've learnt in junwei's class.

i dont want to go through all of these again.
cannot let them get the better of me.

i am going to change. i'm not gonna let this affect me anymore. i've gotta stay strong and not go back to square one.

God, less of me. I'm sorry. I'm always failing. Hear me now...

I have a habit of lying in bed and planning the next day properly before i sleep. Eg what to wear what time must i be at where etc.

But recently after i fall asleep, i've been getting the scariest nightmares ever. About all my plans being screwed up in the most drama way. Like all sorts of impossible stuff happening. And its more than a few times.

And then i'll wake up wondering if its true. How weird...

i dont know what to feel anymore....

:(

i am like reaping what i sowed last time.

Now no matter how early i sleep, i still feel so omgly tired in the morning/in class.

How. :(

i died tonight.

i've had this little notebook of mine for a year now. used to just write all my feelings n emotions inside. and i stopped after a few entries.

Was flipping through it a few days ago and was quite wow but the stuff that i wrote before. and i decided to pick up this habit again.. writing down all my feelings n thoughts..

And i'm gonna try something new, hope that it works..!

sometimes along the journey you feel as if you are all alone. things that only you yourself go through.

but you just got to trust even if you are doubtful.

and hear His voice in the midst of all.. the only thing that you can get you thru.





excited for the 'live broadcast' super happening cg later. :)

new house.

therein lies new dreams, new hopes, new expectations for the future. time to grow up, time to take on more responsibilities, time to be more understanding. i dont know if its me, but everytime we move.. i feel alot. more than deciding the design etc.. it is about the change.. and the environment.. the people..

new insights.

spending alot of time with my mum and my sister recently. opened my eyes.. its not easy at all.. the sacrifices.. the love..



questions.. difficult.. can i?


alot of times.. i feel so disappointed. yep i do. many things.


but we all know that all things work together for good for those who love Him yeah?
i'll give you all my disappointments.. help me..

i really like The Hills opening. it kinda makes me v happy to watch it.
i really like Lauren and Whitney as well. i think they are soo prettyyyyyyyy. and they have nice clothessssssss.


after not watching GG for so long, i completely catch nothing.
but i am still very much in love with Serena's hair though. it all falls nicely just at all the right places.


and on monday, i'll have 3 new nail polish colours that sound exciting and happening. yay!

(no it doesnt sound bimbotic at all i know what you are thinking.)

does any of you can even guess what the title is about?? lol!
it kept me amused for quite some time of the day.



-----------------------------------------------------------------

i dont need popularity, i dont need to have alot alot alot of friends.
i dont need alot of attention, i dont need to talk alot.
i dont need to have a super happening life, i dont need to line my schedule up with parties and outings.


even as i realised things.. saw things..
these things irk me even more.. makes me even more repulsive.

no i dont need all that. thank you very much.

i'll be happy enough with a good book at home.
i'll be happy enough with a handful of real friends who'll stick with me thru thick and thin.
i'll be happy enough to just sit at the table laughing with my sister.

i'll be happy enough with God everyday of my life.

sianzxzzxxx.

siannzzzzz why am i feeling so sianzzzzx...



dont think dont think!!



不要想不要想！

i will miss wong kt. :(


he has been irritatingly part of my life of the past 7 months.


sinking in..

my bangs are obscuring half of my vision now. i see hair in front of me all the time.



but the other time when i attempted to trim it, it was so uneven that it was scary.


looking at the pictures that we took.. cant even make out my eyes seriously. it is just hair.



hmmmm.


i need to learn to sleep early.

my day kinda starts at 12pm everyday.


have been watching The Hills lately. its really quite a bimbotic show. but well it is quite fun.

now i know why people like Lauren and no one likes Heidi and Spencer. lol.


and how the term 'Best Friend' is so overused and underrated in that show it makes me feel like barging in and re-act everything for them. but i feel so sad for Lauren. :( am only at season 2.









lovessss the feeling of finally having music while out alone. and being in my own world with my music again. :)
makes me happyyyyyy.


okay. today i'm gonna work hard hard k.

while waiting for the bunch of people. i had alot of time to spare. was at pasir ris. so just randomly thought of walking to my old house..


that feeling was funny though. you know when you are so used to a place, you'll create your own shortcuts and routes on how to walk home. so i was wandering through my own made up route back there..



saw that the bus stops had a new coat of blue paint..
those familiar passageways.. those familiar playgrounds.. familiar bridge..
but other than that.. nothing much changed.



walked through the whole park.. the canal.. saw the old apartment from a distance..




in life.. there are so many things we got to learn to let go.
it may seem hard at first. painful. very painful.

but when you get the chance to revisit that place, and that memory, and that same pathway..
you'll realise how much stronger you've grown.
nothing changed on the outside.
but something changed on the inside.


a nice half an hour spent with myself.

wilson koh posted this on fb.

i miss the 4D peeps!

and what was ying elaine jolene and i thinking man?! whats up with the broomstick!

转眼间，我们都快要毕业3年了。

《我》

还记得小时候

作文簿上的志愿

那天真的幻想

如今都到哪里躲藏

《生存以上生活以下》

小时候 只要看天空

枕著白云 就觉得全世界都拥有

长大了 拥有的更多

为何感觉 到越来越匮乏越贫穷

《一颗苹果》

我想到遥远遥远的以后会不会有人知道我

在这个寂寞的星球曾这样的活过

喔遥远遥远的以后天长和地久的尽头

应该没有人能抢走我永远的感动

《我心尚未崩坏的地方》

宁愿重伤也不愿悲伤

让伤痕变成了我的徽章

刺在我心脏 永远不忘

《如烟》

有没有那么一种永远　永远不改变　

拥抱过的美丽都　再也不破碎

让险峻岁月不能在脸上撒野　

让生离和死别都遥远　有谁能听见

《约翰蓝侬》

能不能暂时把你的梦想给我

在勇气快消失的时候

总有一天要人们叫我披头

最后没成功也作过最美的梦

《倔强》

当我和世界不一样

那就让我不一样

最美的愿望一定最疯狂

the songs arrangement was so deliberate and excellent. there is a story flow and you go through every emotion in the song.. to the max.

each concert, they have a certain theme.

that changes the world. that challenges the society. that gives our soul food for thought.

so this year.. it was the DNA theme.

“我好想复制一个新的自己，如果不行，那我要复制一个新的世界。”

一颗小红豆要挑战世界。 :)

you gotta give them credit for always bringing such positivity into this world. its not always that easy.

我在最后几首歌，还是落泪了。哈哈。

3h45min.

真希望每年都唱到那么爽。

i dont know how to say.. but.. i really really love mayday!

after the concert, went back to reread all the lyrics of the songs. and it gave me an even deeper insight.

always in amazement by that kinda songs that ahxin/mayday write.

looking forward to concert next year! though i dont know if i'll be in singapore or china. :( it'll be great if i can attend both side's though. haha.

(they sang ALL of my fave songs ever. including those that they dont normally sing! :):) )

finally finally watched up. it was a really touching movie. so simple and straightforward but it contains so much truth in it.


and i'm really amazed at how JLYX can just ramble off after the movie ended about everything that he learnt and saw. and abt society abt the old man's feelings and all. seriously i was like thinking in my heart thats really something i cant do. lol! i always need to process, to think, and to put words into the feelings that i've felt. and thats why i kept quiet okay.. haha. not that i'm slow.




was reminded of some random blog that i read before, that when you are a child, your emotions and feelings, your moods, your ambitions, your wants and needs, get so amplified and loud in a sense. that everything is shown so clearly on the child's face or actions. and throughout the whole movie.. saw russell's innocence and sincerity through his moods and actions.

and sometimes.. dont you just envy a child? their world is still yet 'corrupted' and yet 'influenced'. so simple and so pure. every agenda and every intention is good from the bottom of his heart. and i think it speaks alot about most adults today. when we grow up, we allow different things all around to get us. and our insecurities start to act up. our confidence is challenged. etc etc. and sometimes you just need such innocence to remind you of this.



and also, about dreams. these few days had alot of input abt dreams stuff. esp after mayday's concert. lol. yep. and one thing that really got me. is that.. no matter how big or how ridiculous or how impossible your dream sounds.. how far will you actually go?

and even as we grow up.. those dreams that we dreamt when we were young. those dreams that are out of the world. dreams that were birthed forth by passion. where are they? do we still actively pursue it? or do we allow ourselves to sink into mediocrity?



and what jx blogged abt Up got me too.

quote: "sometimes it is the most boring stuff that i remember the most"-russell.


when he said that in the movie i totally smiled. sometimes really.. it is the simplest of things that can bring such contentment and satisfaction. like for him, counting the cars while sitting on the curb. cute right?

yes we are made for greatness. yes we should aim high. yes we dream big. but no.. dont forget the simple things. dont forget the little things. those things that money truly cant buy. that even by counting cars, eating ice cream sitting on the curb.. it can be such a happy and fulfilling time spent. (and i guess its something that Voldemort wont understand as well. lol!)

and i think my future husband needs to enjoy doing 'boring' stuff too. cos i totally enjoy them. haha.





you know sometimes, a little kid can actually teach a grown up so much stuff. interesting huh?





kkkkk i should be zzzzzz-ing. gotta wake at 645am. :( going to school on teachers' day while everyone else is having holidays is the most sianest thing ever.

but i still feel so .....


i'm not a little girl. i know...


but .....

tmr is the day. when i meet them once a year.



and i remember how at every concert, when my favourite song is being played, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
and i always gain something new after every concert.




and this is my itunes top 25 play count:


haha. some are quite insane i think. 9 of the songs are from them.




i'm so excited. :)

but sadly they wont be pelting out the songs till midnight like they did today though.

i banged. lol.


okay i will keep the 'feelers' up alright. or else i m very ah lianed.

and also, my hair is brown now. not ah lian-ish brown. but noticeable brown. :)



cutting hair is like exciting la. but money ---- also. cos nowadays cut hair is like !!

one day, my hair is gonna be like this:


src783

i will dye + curl it this way. hahaha. what is life without ambitions?




i love the sound of rain. :)
the way it softly falls onto the ground. that sound of pattern.
so rhythmic and soothing.
that feeling of being surrounded with that sound, and raindrops. wherever you are.
kinda makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside huh?



and i shall learn to insert titles for my posts.

olsen anonymous.


have been toying with cutting bangs for the longest of time.

but after seeing this pic my heart totally melted..

how gorgeous can they get?!

okay so for now my bangs impulse is halted.

saw this on laura's status a while ago.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

- Mary Anne Radmacher

when i feel this way..
i will recoil and i will withdraw..



i think its better..

it seems really weird that i cant really articulate what i feel nowadays into words.
so let me blog in point form.

• actually.. it didnt really matter that much anymore. and that itself is a really tiny but significant step forward.
• today's service really touched me alot.
• i really love serving on saturdays. we are just like a family who is always there to support. and i always enjoy serving on saturday more. because 1)we have ALOT of time spent together. 2)we make the most mistakes together. 3)we eat lunch and fellowship together. 4)we laugh and cry together. and everytime i step into the room, it just fills my heart with joy and i just smile from my heart. :) love these people. (and i cannot upload pic! argh.)
• am really excited for you!
• cant be more pleased to let loose and laugh at hk cafe just now with xt and dl.
• need/want to be more organized.
• inspired by a random blog. such simple but deep person.
• sometimes really wonder how dumb can i be. but no! it serves as a lesson learnt. i will be smarter and i'll learn.
• now that freedom seems so near.. got me thinking what i REALLY want to accomplish this holiday.
• my life has always been a ---- story. i really need some +=\`"''/'. a daring step forward.
• four months left to end of 2009. am seeing and working towards a change.
• tingting is not someone who likes changes. but change is like the only constant thing. so i'll adapt.
  

• and.. tampines is raining. and thundering. finally.

wow i didnt know i'm thinking of so many things in my mind until i just anyhow typed. lol.




M, if you are reading.. am praying for you. :) you are very loved and am supporting and cheering you on! :)



TOMORROW WILL BE AN EXCITINGGGGG DAYYYY.

i am really happy. :) haha.











and my answer was and is still a "yes, i would. everything. every single thing."

you know sometimes the world is soooo big.
sooo big that it overwhelms.

that sometimes you lose yourself along the way.
and you dont know who you are.
and the whole wide world is telling you who you should be.

and the universe-the rules. who made them?
makes it even harder for you to find a footing in this world.



but even as all the complexities of life take over,
you've got to stop.



and listen.
to your heart and that small voice inside of you.

i can hardly open my eyes now..



i am so stressed.. sooo stressed..


still must go on..



i havent been sleeping well...




worn out, tired, stressed out.

on the brink of giving up and another breakdown.