superficiality!

Hi, i HAVE TO get this out of my system before i sleep. or i'll sleep without peace.

it PISSES me off when girls support teams and watch WC because of guys. and go all 'ahhh torres coming on now! villa!' etc etc. and scream/shout for them JUST COS THEY LOOK GOOD. in actual fact, they DONT EVEN KNOW anything about the players at all.

granted, i've backslided from my first love for a few months now. but i think i've got enough soccer experience to have a right to feel pissed. because it is SO superficial and just trying to look cool/sound cool watching soccer and all. URGH.

but then again, first match i've watched since i moved here. and i must say i still love the intensity of the game, and the emotions. the tactics, the players, the team, the unity. soccer has NEVER BEEN about a cute guy/a couple of nice looking chaps. it HAS ALWAYS BEEN a team, strategies, etc. and i dont know why but i feel very cheapened when i see girls just kinda... anyhow support, watch WC cos of guys etc.

i think i'm being very lol and ridiculous here but it really gets to me. i even msged eugene ang in the middle of the match to complain and he even agreed with me. lol!

just cos you watch soccer for WC doesnt make you cool!

pfffftttt okay. i let out the angsty side of me alr.
looking forward to new season!!
liverpool is where my heart really belongs <3 (lemme do this for once)

guess i am not much of a 'country' supporter to start with, thus i didnt get involved in all the hooha. my first ever team that i supported was Brazil in 2002. but after that, i couldnt find a reason to anymore. and... i've always been a Gerrard thus England kinda girl. but hmmm... i am just a Liverpool kinda girl after all. LOL.



每当我感到一点感性的时候，我最想用中文来表达。
承认，自己的水准不好。但是它是一个让我感到最亲切的语言。

（在读下去之前，一句话：请不要这么快下判断。）

最近总觉得迷失了自己。在茫茫人海中，找不到自己存在的意义。突然感到，成长是多么累人的事。不是说自己任性不想长大，但是发现自己越大，更不了解自己。成长的路上，自己内心的挣扎和疑问，那么的复杂...很多时候都不知该用什么话来形容自己的感受和心情。

你可以说，其实婷婷一向来都不善于表达。
我现在最想最想的事，就是回到最初点。
回到没有包袱，没有担忧，没有任何别人对自己的期望的最初点。
回到真正的自己... 回到不必理别人怎么摆布你... 回到不必理任何规则、不必去想别人会怎么看待自己... 回到不需要对任何人交代，只需要对自己坦白... 回到...

总觉得自己的一面，和自己另外一面一直不停地拉扯。
一面，是‘我应该...’的那一面。
另一面，是‘我应该...’的相反。
一面不断地提醒自己正确的方式应该这样。我这么想是错误的，我这么做是不对的...
另一面，就是非常疲倦的那一面。很想很想把另一面撕破，不想照着任何规矩生活。不想听别人怎么说我的人生应该怎么样活。它知道别人会怎么想、会怎么看。但是它不想理会，它只想逃避生命的一切‘应该’。

如果我累了，我应该 －－－
现在20岁了，我应该 －－－
长大了，应该 －－－
事情不应该这样解决，应该 －－－
这样子错了！你应该 －－－
快要毕业了，未来怎么样？应该 －－－
看你到了这种程度，应该 －－－ ，做这个，做那个。

总觉得在每一个地方，都有一定的‘框框’限定我们。
一种人们认为‘对’的方式，来定游戏规则。
如有人犯规，马上有一大堆的人批评，指责。替这个人‘玩’。
在他背后，说他哪一个地方出错了牌，他应该怎么样，怎么样。
一脸不满，一脸自认为会玩得更好的表情。

那么，有没有人试着把自己化身为受害者想想和体会？
这世界有那么多的规则和不是了，是不是责骂、指责，就会比较好过些？


一切的一切...
我不知道自己在找什么，我不知道自己要证明什么。

我只知道，自己最后从心底真正开心的一次，不知有多久以前。

我只想真的快乐...


自己复杂的心情，有时连自己都...不明白。


dont judge me.
dont even try to understand when you dont.

this is life.

you know you havent been blogging much, when you type 'b' into your address bar and there isnt any 'blogger.com' in your list. and when you type 'd' and your own blog 'dingting8.blogspot.com' doesnt appear in the list anymore too.

i havent been really in touch with my inner thoughts and self recently, thus the lack of posts and all. i felt that i've been losing myself, not myself recently. all the work is sucking me up. i have always been someone who does what i want, do what i feel like. if i dont feel the purpose and the reason why, i get really burnt out easily and i will become so tired. just like ADM when i first started, and all the different jobs i've had. this is no exception. the production line needs alot of passion to keep staying on. i'm not one who can just repeatedly do what i'm supposed to do.. for the sake of money, for the sake of anything. if my inner self is not happy in what i'm doing, i easily get so frustrated and i go into a 'recline' kinda mood. and i guess, the answer is pretty obvious. i wont be doing the production line in the future. but i guess, its good for learning and experience. not many people get to witness and observe the back scenes in this industry so i'm thankful i'm able to. but i also cant wait for it to end.

i miss those lazy days.. waking up without any plans for the day, and just go along with the day. doing what i like, and enjoying every me moment. i seldom got time for me moments nowadays. and its getting on me. when i dont spend enough time with myself, i easily feel unrested and i feel like i'm a mess. when i feel that my personal space is invaded by work, stress etc.

and i noticed another thing. i became much much more short-tempered after all these. i flare up so easily nowadays. maybe i dont display it, but i sure am burning inside of me. and just the littlest of thing gets to me and i'll feel super irritated by them. but then again, after a while, i find myself silly and try to reason out myself.

during my one month break before flying off, i'll make sure i make full use of it.

btw, i'm flying off 3rd sept, coming back 7th january. ahhhhhhh.