hello.

yahar.i'm so into this song now repeated sooo many times.from one o'clock i've been playing this till now.

i really like this song! from kelly poon "在世界中心" .shes sooooo pretty and all!

i'm in sucha good mood now cos of the song.heh.
i shall consider buying the album.support singapore!haha.

i think shes gonna make it big. :)

i think vista is really irritating.i cant see alot of tagboards and blogs.so if you didnt see me tag means i cant access your blog.haha.

omg and liverpool draw with arsenal.thats so irritating.

i wanted to blog in chinese but i just cant find the language bar.which is so irritating.robbed me of my inspiration.


SERVICE was sooooooooooo gooooood!was really really blown away by it.visualizing all the possibilities is just so wow.and i love love to be part of it.what a privilege!right at the heart of what God is doing.just beyond awesome.

HAHA.i'm off.

:)

im so restless now no idea why.haha.and meaningless posts!argh.

well, i wanted to blog because i want to blog.haha.what a statement.

anyway.37:18 min now into the match and i'm falling asleep.liverpool trailing by 1-0.

and the exciting thing is, i'm using window vista.hee.its kinda cool actually.

and its like one of the first times i'm using the comp and tv on at audible volume.cos last time gotta switch on the tv with almost zero audibility to prevent my dad from waking up.

and.i think i'm gonna go sleep soon.i cant stand it already.

just cant understand why arsenal can win 7-0 when liverpool cant even do a 3-0.

new environment is good,if you would ask.

its pretty fun to go home with so many people living near you.

last time,pasir ris was like some remote and ailen place.

but now,it seems like everyone lives in tampines.hee.

just not used to the bathroom.cos its pretty old and stuff.

and the bed.i used to have THICK mattress but now its like,thin ones.that kind they sell in pasar malams.

but its okay.my mum promised to buy nicer ones once everything settled down.

my mum is pretty happy though.at least theres someone whom she can share her cooking ideas with and she can finally cook.cos theres so many people around anyway,its easier too.

pardon me for blogging in such bullet forms.mind's not working at 3.28am.

i really wanted to come up with an inspirational post.

but well,not for a half-asleep tingting at 3.29am.

somehow,the three of us got closer.and we talked more.cos previously,we dont even seem to talk at all cos of all the late nights.

looking forward to lunch at tp.

just finished ft1 and its so good.i love darren.

hes hilariously funny and hes really good at speaking right to the issues of the heart.

yep,moving on to ft2.cant wait.

and i cant believe that hyypia scored another OG again.
i believe it must be a bad feeling.

nowadays,ah xin is like,going for the metro look.haaha.

i miss mayday so much.

wooooo.halftime.

still struggling.

good job man.

i shall....

?

i was clearing the most emotional part of my room today (actually still am clearing).

i nearly cried reading all those little notes and such from everyone!

like cally wrote postcards to me whenever shes bored and will say all kind of rubbish.i still keep that rushed note you wrote way back in sec 2 on my birthday!it was so touching even though one sentence only. :)

and!the most hilarious thing!way back in sec 2 i used to hate zimu alot cos he always bullied me and i wrote this one page long letter to qiqin and elaine.and omg!i still keep the 4-paged long letter that you guys wrote to me!to persuade me and to comfort me!

and and!i found this letter my sis wrote to me la!i'm refusing to read it cos i know i'll cry buckets.

and huiying yingying!omg you guys were the sweetest la.i remember i did this very ugly bunny for valentines in sec 3,and i actually cried.and ying,i still keep the note you wrote to make me feel better!

and huiying!i used to feng yoghurt at one point of my sec 4 life and you actually found a yoghurt postcard and wrote stuff to me.so sweeet!

and not forgetting all the easter/christmas church postcards that ying used to give me faithfully.lol.i cant believe that i keep all of them.

yulan,not forgetting all your complicating cards.hahaha.

i kept all the tickets from london too.every entrance that needs a ticket,i kept them.all the train ride tickets,esp the ticket to charlton vs liverpool match.

and all the silly notes we passed around in class when our lessons were getting boring.



ohman.i really wonder is it a good thing to be so 念旧.maybe not 念旧but..i dont know.i have so many stuff here that just make me smile and remember that precise moment when this piece of 'paper' becomes a memory.

wassup all you.





i'm so busy packing all the stuff nowadays.its kinda useless to ask me out.so dont really bother.cos i'm left with quite alot.we are moving on sat,pushed forward.cos my sis and uncle flying next week while my cousin going australia on sunday.



even though my room is so small,but theres amazing amount of stuff stuffed into all corners of the room.but its actually quite fun cos theres alot of stuff that i thought i lost for good and it suddenly turned up.hee.its kinda fun digging up old stuff.



but i'm such a hopeless in collecting stuff.i collect everything.and when i mean everything,its everything.every little thing that you guys gave me,i kept.i'm such a 念旧 person.theres like 100000000 letters in my small drawer (from p1 all the way to now.).and i seriously dont know what to do with them.i cant bear to throw them away!theres all the memories.



i've become so merciless nowadays.i just throw away.ohman.like all the little notes that people gave me,and all the soccer updates my sis wrote.i threw them away! :(



and,i counted,i have about 63 CDS.thats only counting mine.add my sis and you'll probably get 120 altogether or more.thats like so many la!omg!and now i'm trying to get all the songs over to the laptop.



okay,sorry.just wanna rant everything out.its quite depressing to pack and pack and throw and throw and you realise all that you've got is that pathetic one brown box in your entire life that can count as your belonging.



and yes.yingying cally huiying yulan elaine qiqin LAMJIAXIN yujie and so many others.all those cards that you guys wrote i still have it.i was actually laughing at some of them.lol.



cally,did you know that you wrote this funny little note to me during the O level days?sounding all depressed.hahahaha!it made my day when i reread it ytd.lol.



AND LAMJIAXIN.omg you cant imagine the number of letters we actually wrote to each other.its quite alot.hahaha.

just to upload a few pics.huiying said its emo pictures.but.you got to take some to remember right. :)

heh.the amount of paper.i tried to recycle it but my mum say they bluff people one. :(

waha.all the colourful files from secondary school days.i really dont know what to do with them.


this is the thing that i'll be missing the most.even though its really really messy.but!its so artistic!and the liverpool cutouts at the side (tore everything down today),i actually spent alot of effort!this cupboard is all my CDS and books and sermons hideout. :)


goodbye pasir ris.wait another 6-8 months.i'll be back! :)

HELLOOOO.hee.

service today was awesome!at the last part where pst ask us to write down what we wanna see happening in our lives,i wrote mine down and i just couldnt believe that i actually wrote down what i secretly wished for.and while worshipping i just cried and cried.God said, "You finally wrote that dream down,and I'll make sure you see it coming to pass." and i just stood there,quite shocked.that i actually wrote it down.its like a confirmation,a confession.no more dreaming only.



and well a couple of days ago,i read this which struck me hard:

"A child embarrassed by his mother, is just a child who hasnt lived long enough."

and i was wowed by it and how true is it!

i remember talking about this topic before with ying and she said she made her mum cry when she came to her school to pick her up and she rejected her.cos she was embarrassed by it.

and i remember too how i used to hate parents and teachers meeting cos i just didnt want my mum to come.so i'll always come up with lame excuses like not alot of parents going so she dont need to go, or i really want her to cook that night.hahaha.so my mum came to only one meeting!from my pri sch days till sec sch!haha.

but now its like totally opposite.haha.the contrast.

(nowadays my mum got secret admirer!he was confessing to her over smses!and it was SO FUNNY.my sis and i were giggling away.lol.)


i'm gonna move next week!to my uncle's place temporarily.i'm pretty excited but sad at the same time.

but i'm looking forward to living with my cousins!hahaha.even though one is in army,but i'll still get to see him on weekends.heee.

even though those brown cardboard boxes are pretty depressing.but hey,i'm moving on to a better place!so i'm gonna look forward only.and God will see me through. :)

i think my mum cries herself to sleep quite often.

its really nice to go for bible studies every wed.it keeps me going and darren is really funny.and the way he shares his life experiences really encourages me. :)


just now,i spent all the money left on me on a $1 McDonald's coke.

i walked along boat quay with my $1 coke.and i find the contrast pretty funny-me with my $1 coke,against those beers wine cocktails that those richer people were having.

but somehow,i felt that my coke was still the yummiest around.

and i walked towards the grass patch in the middle outside raffles place MRT station,sat there and finished my coke,staring at all the high-rise buildings around me.

i was so mesmerized by the lifts,the way it zoomed right up to the topmost floor and down again.

and looking up,wondering whats the view up there at the topmost floor.i should be like an ant to the person up there.


actually since young,high high high buildings always amaze me. :)

just sharing my thoughts. :)

zhang tingting, you cant be addicted to online shopping anymore. you cant go and click every link, and start looking. and hesitating whether to buy or not. because you have no more money left. life is more than online shopping. so zhang tingting, CONTROL!

i suddenly miss my old phone so much.the one i lost. :(

at least i have pictures to upload every other day.

and and and,its a good phone!







but well,life is still good.


btw,i realised army can have such a different effect on guys.maybe cos i've always been in church so the guys will go army,and even though there may be transition periods here and there,but they mostly stay the same.at least not the drastic kind.

so i really do believe that army changes people,becoming mature and all.

but i realised too that sometimes,its only a portion of people.it all depends on how you look at it.

cos,after talking with my cousins for the 5-days period,they changed loads man.like,really loads.realised instead of being influenced on the good side of army,they became even more childish and not grown-up at all i almost shook my head in disbelief.

like,all four of them smoke.one still saved la,but almost that kind.

and thats really very shocking considering they started out being really innocent and were the ones so against smoking.

but realised too that sometimes they smoke cos they wanna grab attention and think its a really nice feeling that people get surprised to hear they smoke.

and loads of mindsets and thoughts that are so so so wrong and childish i spent half of my night talking to one of them to tell them to grow up and talked sense into them.


people really change with different environments.

okay.today marks the day of my grandpa's last day on earth. (at least in bodily form).

and btw,i just feel that this post is going to be really long.haha.

well,i cant explain why.but the whole 5 days was tiring and tiring.no idea why,considering we had nothing much to do.but it was so draining physically and mentally i seriously doubted i can last for 5 days.

and the most exaggerating thing is,sat's ritual actually lasted from 11am all the way till 10.30pm.with 1 hour/half hour/20 mins break in between.it was crazy like dont know what.but the whole thing was a whole new experience as well.learnt lots of stuff and felt that i went up another level.

(oh btw,before i get into those stuff,felicia chin and tay ping hui and joanne peh and chen tai ming came!hahaha.and i shook felicia's hands shes omgly pretty.and tay ping hui said 'thank you' to me when i served him peanuts.hee.)

these five days,so many thoughts running through my mind.i just cant add them together to come to a conclusion.but well,one thing that really impacted me alot was this:



LIFE
__________________________________________

DEATH



life and death.its only separated by one thin line.theres no going back.

i still cant forget the image of my grandpa,still alive.so happy to see me visiting him,but yet,dont have the energy to say anything to me,with all the oxygen mask and countless tubes sticking into his bruised hands.

and the next thing i know,he's lying there,dead,but with a little life still left,supported by all the medicine and machines.but hes already not breathing and his heart stopped beating.

and the doc declared him dead at 2.29pm.after waiting for all of the family members to be present.

and the next image was of him,lying there like a mummy.the nurses used white cloth to wrap his body up.

after that,its like what i always used to see on hongkong dramas,us identifying the body in the mortuary,the body all stiffened up and lifeless,like the bodies in CSI.

and then,we were all doing the rituals.and as i passed by the coffin,seeing his sunken face and lifeless body,it saddened me so much.





we breathe everyday.our heart beats every min.

and i came to realise,its all so precious.
it got me really impacted.





today was the cremation.

and the idea that grandpa's body is gone in the fire,and all that's left of him is his photograph,it made me tear.

today my uncle told me,we were born into this world carrying nothing,and we leave carrying nothing as well.

and as i witnessed the cremation,was just thinking about it.and..its so true.my grandpa left with nothing.

as he was pushed into the fire,flashes of my grandpa flashed through my mind.though i was never close to him,but he still loved me.and i'll always remember his smiling face,hugging me,his moustache pricking into my cheek as he kisses me.





i learnt so much over these few days that i can never learn elsewhere.

i made such a big step towards God.everyday,i thank Him that i'm alive and kicking.every morning,i thank Him that its a new day that He has made,i will rejoice and be glad in it.






how can we cherish?

i remember reading a blog post my sis posted ages ago after her birthday.
she said that she love the family alot.but she knows that one day,we'll be gone.thats why shes doing her best to cherish.but she was asking,if she cherished more,isnt it saying that it'll be even more painful when we're gone?




------------------

Dear God,

even though i may not understand the mysteries of life.but i still wanna thank You for everything.

you know,its such a honour,today,being able to rush down for service and rush off again.like what pst kong said,"peace that surpasses all understanding".

i cant thank You enough.the very thing that You gave me life.and the unexpressable joy.i felt so happy today at church.that is where i belong.

you know the things that run through my mind.i may not have answers.but i know its all part of your masterplan.

if one day i'll die and be cremated like my grandpa,i just want to let you know that i'll be thankful..that my body is just a symbolism of my life on earth..that i still have eternity with you.

thank you again..for life.for every breath.for every heart beat.

everything that i'm living for.and everything that i am.

thank you for such a precious lesson learnt.

i may not grasp hold of the whole 'cherish' thing yet.but Daddy,i want you to know that i really do cherish what you gave and promised me..as i cross 2 years with you,i come to realise more and more everyday that what i have with you,i cant find anywhere else..

i'm so proud to have you as my big and perfect Daddy. :)