you know i wont give up my 'alone time' early in the morning for anything. often, it gives me inspiration and the space to think that i normally dont. you know, in the day, things often get so busy and fast that you just cant stop and think.


anyhow, my mum is in the faraway land of China now.

and you know, i'm just so grateful for everything that she has given up for me.

i wanted an ipod video, which cost $520 then. she bought it for me as my birthday present.
i wanted a new handphone badly, and she spent x3 money she normally would spend on her own just to buy me one.
i needed a laptop and she spent $1988 on a macbook. with cash.
i wanted to change courses badly, and it was her who supported me, and telling me not to worry about the money, just follow my heart.


and the weekend i spent with her before she left, she admitted that years ago when we first moved to Pasir Ris, we were so hard off then.

my dad wasnt exactly helping much, so it was her who shouldered all the bills and me+sis' education fees and all. and after paying for all that, she was often left with a few hundred.

and back then, my maths and english werent good, so she would spend most of the money left on tuition for me.


i think i was P4-5 then. and i remember i loved delifrance's croissant and orange juice. i think it cost $3.50 then.

my mum was saying how she used to save her money everyday for the weekend just so i can have my favourite croissant and orange juice after tuition every saturday. she didnt even bare to spend more than $3 on herself for meals, often eating $1+ chee cheong fan to get pass.


my heart broke when she told me this.. and i didnt know for so many years. that back then, every delifrance meal was bought with such love and sacrifice.

just because my mum loved me and wanted to give me her best. without even thinking for herself.



and how selfish i am. always so wanting and never once thinking of how to give back.