hello.

recalled..
the many years and things that i've been through..

amazed.


thank You for the great great work that You have done in me. and is still doing..

i'm forever grateful..


i can now laugh and share about my experiences because of You. really..

i just found the randomest pics in my comp that i didnt even know existed:






HAHA! (dated back to last year)


dear caryn,

you are seriously.. (dont know how to describe).
stop showing me things online.. seriously..!




online shopping is x100 more lethal than shopping itself seriously.


---------------------------------------------

haha. my aunt just won 2nd prize for toto.
while i was bathing i could hear screams n jumping n laughters.
so so adorable.
i was like really smiling to myself while i was bathing.


IMO, i have the most amazing and strongest ever mum in the WWW.
she has been through and is going through such hardships and challenges that are seriously not for the fainthearted.


and IMO, the most sensible, most intelligent, most hardworking sister ever in the WWW.
she works works n works. but always having the ability and capability to handle anything that comes her way.


money couldnt buy that kinda joy and happiness that flowed from my heart at these thoughts.. :)

---------------------------------------------

for a few weeks now, i've been going over to my ex-nanny's place for dinner on one of the weekdays every week.

and its one of my most anticipated nights in the whole week. i just loveee going there.
they have a 9month old baby and shes just soooo adorable..
she smiles at me whenever i smile at her..! so cute..!
and i've tried to better my handling kids skills. i now dare to carry them alr! haha.


and every week.. eating dinner.. listening to my 奶妈 talking about her problems..
about how Yishun's market recently has got cheaper fish than Tampines',
how on the bus back to Tampines, which old neighbour did she meet,
and how Yishun has got like, cheaper and much nicer plates nowadays, which cost like 40cents lesser than Tampines',
how she discovered this new recipe of how to cook this certain vegetable which tastes superb..


and my heart just smiles.. you know it is sometimes so refreshing..
to know that like other than all those things that are on my mind..
to her, everything that matters is which market's price is better, which neighbour has been really nice to her etc.


and i loveeeee to just sit there and listen to her ranting on.. :)


also, money can never buy all these..



okay! BTW! (back to work)




OH and to dearest shumin and daphne if you are reading. HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY! love you girls!! :)

i'm constantly very amazed with my long hair. haha.

this has got to be my longest since like, p3? haha. and ya.. when i've got nothing to do i play with my hair. haha.



i'm so proud of it. one dayyy it'll be as longgggg.. like a 'l' as compared to a '.' :)



anyhow after i move, i'll miss my cousin + my spontaneous hunger pangs in the night. we always somehow always get hungry together and search for all kinds of food. like tonight.. we ordered mac. lol!


oh i wanted to talk about another thing but i totally forgot what i was supposed to say. nvm!

these few weeks have been even more truthful to myself than ever. took up the courage to face certain issues in my life.


its pretty scary to throw everything out there, not knowing the outcome.


but i'm really trusting You more than ever before..
because i'll need to lean on You more than ever.


right now i can stand even stronger.

i'm really excited somehow.. :)

no idea why.



excited about all that is to come. :)
though it seems that my limits are constantly being challenged, but i think its cool!





just now finally got some time to spend with shing. and i love it! though it was quite short, while running errands n eating dinner n all.. but it was good. and i've learnt stuff. :)


always very blessed to have people around who challenge me to better myself all the time.. saw how busy Sihui was.. but she is always never too busy for any member. she always shows love and concern individually that really touches and inspires. no matter what.. she ALWAYS has time for anyone and ALWAYS listens and ALWAYS gives advice. she is ever so concerned about each and everyone of our spiritual growth. and about our lives. :) so blessed to have her over my life.. always challenges me to be better.






::: mayday got best band :) lu guang zhong got best melody and newcomer award. :) :) hes so cute he makes me smile. :) :)

my heart totally melted at that last glance n smile that he gave.

"We'll be coming,
We'll be coming,
We'll be coming down the road,
When you hear the noise of the billy shankly boys,
We'll be coming down the road~"

july 26th! one more month! :) :)

ytd and today.. it really drilled something into me..


these few weeks werent the most smooth sailing. if i didnt tell, you wouldnt know what is happening exactly. it has been really challenging on me. many times and many days i face unexpected things.. and it really affected me. it was like a whole new different drama serial. now even more crucial because the people closest to me are hurting too. and i thought that i couldnt be more hurt, couldnt be more broken.



and i was thinking and reflecting.. why? this time, it feels really different from a few years ago. and i know that i've already came out from all that happened those few years. it was a different struggle.. but now.. to me.. its a whole new different story and a whole new different situation. its different.. and in a sense, i felt as though i was back at square one.. groping around.. not knowing how to handle anything that comes my way..




and i was just rerunning through every single situation and thing that happened before..


and i realised.. it is all so worth it. no matter how deep it cut me. no matter how affected i was. or even how much tears i've shed over the years.. it is all so worth it.



because i was able to relate and to experience a kinda love that i havent had before.
and all these experiences shaped and defined my very love for my Father.
without going through all these, i wouldnt be where i am today..
how i need Him..




and today.. struck me hard..
all of these.. sometimes even repetitive.. is to make me more dependent on Him than ever.

and to break every single piece of me.. so so thoroughly..
so that i'll know and serve as a reminder to me always.. that my whole heart is His only, and it is only Him who can glue and heal back every single shattered piece.. only Him.




and nothing else matters because i am my Beloved's and i love Him..
more than anything in life.

who really understand what you are going through?


you let it surface, and the next sec, swallowed it back down like you always do..
how utterly torn are you inside?
how deep exactly is the hurt?
to whom do you share?




pains me..
very much..
very very much..

been revisiting mayday's songs of old. haha.
still amazes me all the time with their creation.




i dont really know what to blog about..





sometimes adult stuff are better left among themselves ey?
dont understanddddd..
you are soooooo far away..



arty people really do things differently huh?
amazedddd..


其实我们都一模一样
无名却充满了莫名渴望
一生等一次 发光
宁愿重伤也不愿悲伤
让伤痕变成了我的徽章
刺在我心脏 永远不忘

默默的让著旋律 和我心交响

至少在我的心中 自己为自己鼓掌

每个孤单天亮，我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律 和我心交响
就算会有一天 没人与我合唱
至少在我的心中 还有个尚未崩坏的地方
孩子一样 不肯腐烂的土壤
再唱 再唱 再唱 再唱 再唱


amazing lyricssss.. hope my dear AX will win on June 27th!



one random 3am, decided to redo my wallpaper.
lovessss it..! :)

halfway watching 《龙猫》.

i cant stand it anymore. it is by far the cutest ever movie i've ever ever watched in my whole life!!

for the entire movie i was smiling at my screen and laughing together with the little girl!

seriously, if i have a daughter that cute.. i wont have any worries in life alr.




and.. the dad.. touches me soooo much.
he is in every way, an ideal father!
so accepting, so fun, so encouraging, always believing. even if it sounds absurd.

wow man.




i love the little girl!!!!!!gosh!!!!

k now i'm super willing to write the movie review. hahaha.

the difference between an 'I' and 'S':
'I' will pack holidays with lots of activities.
'S' will prefer to stay at home, with a book/movie/music etc.
lol.

so obviously i choose staying at home anytime. haha.

loads of stuff running through my mind.
and the most cek ark thing is that it keeps reminding you what you havent done.
yes yes. i'll need to start on school work soon.
and yes yes. i'll finish up all the undone stuff.




desperation..
lots of things kept..
God..