ytd and today.. it really drilled something into me..


these few weeks werent the most smooth sailing. if i didnt tell, you wouldnt know what is happening exactly. it has been really challenging on me. many times and many days i face unexpected things.. and it really affected me. it was like a whole new different drama serial. now even more crucial because the people closest to me are hurting too. and i thought that i couldnt be more hurt, couldnt be more broken.



and i was thinking and reflecting.. why? this time, it feels really different from a few years ago. and i know that i've already came out from all that happened those few years. it was a different struggle.. but now.. to me.. its a whole new different story and a whole new different situation. its different.. and in a sense, i felt as though i was back at square one.. groping around.. not knowing how to handle anything that comes my way..




and i was just rerunning through every single situation and thing that happened before..


and i realised.. it is all so worth it. no matter how deep it cut me. no matter how affected i was. or even how much tears i've shed over the years.. it is all so worth it.



because i was able to relate and to experience a kinda love that i havent had before.
and all these experiences shaped and defined my very love for my Father.
without going through all these, i wouldnt be where i am today..
how i need Him..




and today.. struck me hard..
all of these.. sometimes even repetitive.. is to make me more dependent on Him than ever.

and to break every single piece of me.. so so thoroughly..
so that i'll know and serve as a reminder to me always.. that my whole heart is His only, and it is only Him who can glue and heal back every single shattered piece.. only Him.




and nothing else matters because i am my Beloved's and i love Him..
more than anything in life.