a losing battle.
23:26:00as i was floating through life these few weeks (floating is more apt for my situation), there was quite a turmoil going on on the inside of me. i was kind of in a half-reality, half-fantasy world. where i was able to talk myself in being pessimistic and optimistic at the same time. it was a very strange feeling. i guess it was struggling between two sides, two very extreme sides.
one side of me, felt that hope and everything lovey dovey, was perverse. there wasnt such a thing in the world. i allowed myself to become so cynical about everything good. ever felt like this before? and its so hard to talk yourself out of it, because the negativity just washes over the positivity. it came to a point when i was disgusted even, by anything good, that happened maybe to me or people around me. i became critical even, voicing out my thoughts in my heart.
another side of me, believed theres a reason that i'm going through everything that i am going through. where that small spark of faith still stood. where somehow, i gathered the strength to continue doing what i was supposed to do, and somehow, still able to find some sort of meaning to it (i hate doing things without knowing the reason behind them).
i was like a fish caught in a net, struggling hard to find a way out, but yet, knowing deep down it is impossible to do so. just fighting a losing battle. but yet, i still fought.
yet now, i think i'm losing the battle. but i am half relieved i am losing this battle. on the other hand, still fighting hard against reality without really knowing why. wanting to surrender...
2 comments
hi tingting!
ReplyDeletealice's floating and happen to float pass your blog.
just wanna pray for you.
:)
Dear God, I lift up tingting into your hands, and pray that you will soften her heart to come into your presence, where everything will fall into place and striving will be no more. Remind her that she is your Child, and your grace and love is more than sufficient for her. God, you are good and you know the best for tingting, so watch over her and grant her the needs she have, give her peace and let your joy, be her strength.
in Jesus name i pray, amen.
you are more than conqueror:)
and Psalm 121 for you.
hee, realised my name is there on your link but i changed my address a;ready.
its....
www.keeplovingdaddygod.blogspot.com
hey alice, that was really very sweet of you. didnt know you still read! thanks so much for the prayer. :) you are such a sweet girl! love you!! :)
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