sorry cally.i guess i sounded harsher than i should.but i'm really so hurt.considering this ben saga has been going on for like..so long.i'm angry.why you guys always prefer ben,always go out with ben,always always with ben.i'm hurt.i really am.ya,you guys told me that hes like a temporary replacement for me.but is the temporary dragging a bit too long..?why dont you guys ask me go anywhere again..?i know i havent been hanging ard with you guys for a start.but that doesnt mean i will always be like that.i know its my fault from the start.i chose to forget about it and now its hurting more and more.can you imagine how i feel when i call either of you guys and then i hear laughters,people talking merrily,you guys having so much fun joking around..when i'm like at home alone..??i'm telling you,it hurts to get replaced just like that.time with your fave ben is more precious than time with ting right?ohyeah.i know how it feels..

i guess we are just not sensitive enough to each other's feelings and all.thats why we are resorting to other means and ways.ying through that guy,cally through ben,huiying through blogging and gordan surina.and me?by jiaxin,elaine..to get that kind of concern and love we lack so badly in our friendships.that kind of attention.that kind of,hey i'm listening to you,kinda mood.WHEN CAN WE STOP ALL THIS?THIS IS GETTING TIRING.REALLY TIRING.WHEN CAN ALL THESE HURTINGS STOP?

the problem's not with one person.the problem is us.we are the problem.and if we dont settle it,it will never be solved and it goes on forever.and the same things will happen again.i really hate how our friendships end up.

ying,you know,that thing that you said,'eh you really dont care le hor,you dont even read our blogs'.really stuck with me.that means that this kinda thinking has been with you from very early and that problem didnt solve at all..your blogs are always the first hits when i go online can..

and i know it irritates you but really..i hate going toilets.i know it sounds laughable and perhaps,i'm the only one around whos like that.but i really hate toilets.simple as that.yes,i do give in and go with you guys sometimes.but other times,i really hate going to toilets.i hate all the dilly-dally in the toilets..cos we will be late for lessons and even though the monitress thing is like a tag only,but i do feel the need to be responsible.i hate it when i let mrs chew down cos i know she places high expectations of me..so i really hate going late for classes.if it's a little while its alright la,but you guys always drag till 10-15 mins into the lesson and i'll always suggest going back early and huiying will give me black face..thats why i hate going toilets..i do still take that little pride in being a monitress..even if it sounds laughable.

and i guess you think that little concern and stuff from him is very touching and nice is because,the take for granted thing is never solved at all.huiying also said..she'll feel better when outsiders ask just a simple question.but from us,it sounds fake.like for instance,we already become so immune to each other not caring that..little things sound disgusting.how long since a sincere 'i love you and appreciate you' come from each of our mouths?the cracks are appearing.we are having more problems.soon,everyone else will start feeling it.or already.

cos,doesnt it sound familiar?about my family problems,i didnt get the concern from you guys,so i resorted to getting it from other people.cally didnt get the concern when shes at her most down,so she got it from other ways and now still cant recover.huiying,she didnt get it too,so shes having thoughts that she dont mean anything to us,that her jokes are not appreciated anymore.ying,she didnt get her concern too,so now shes getting that kinda love from another friend and when we didnt accept that new source of concern,she got really affected.isnt it like a vicious cycle?soon,i'll start experiencing it again..then cally..then huiying..then ying.and it goes on..

yes we have fun.but we dont spend quality time together.those times that we spent together are forgettable.where did all the quality time go?heart to heart talks?soul to soul talks?lots of time,when we need the attention,the rest just laugh it off.

are we too afraid to let others into our lives?or is it we are trying too hard to become someone we are not?or are we trying to cover up our flaws so we dont feel inferior?or we just act someone else up so we can have that 'special' feeling while hanging out with this gang?

just where do each of us stand in each of our hearts?are we important?are we significant?why do we feel left out so easily in our friendships?why do everything just crumble and stumble when little things crop up?

no,how many 'i love you's and 'i appreciate you's really dont sound sincere now.cos the root and that kind of persuasion or foundations of our friendships have not been laid.we cant truly enjoy each other's company if all these just continue.