TIRING TIRING

hmmm,was doing the programme booklet.kinda busy nowadays.busy invitin friends,busy sellin concert tics,busy being a librarian,busy doing the programme booklet.so its like i sleep at 2+ every night..haa,was so tired that i didnt realise,i slept while watching kingkong.haa.

at first the newspaper idea sounded exciting,though not the best idea.we didnt have enough time,so we had to choose something fast.the cd case was pretty okay but i was in shanghai,when i got back i felt so lost..and nobody bothered to even explain it to me..and i didnt know what songs we playin for combine what songs need to photocopy.it made me feel so down.cos i felt that i cant do anything and its like,library might as well let steffi do it on her own.i really tried to get involved,but i've not been doing anything..even when we collect back american graffiti scores,why cant it be me who keep the scores..?why must it always be steffi..?and i wasnt even doing anything,i was just keepin my instrument.its not her fault,i forgot to keep once,but that really was my carelessness..and i know its good to initiate but..she bought markers on her own.i thought we are supposed to do things together..?and i really wanted to buy the markers cos i heard elaine said markers no ink.i dont know if its selfish or what,but..i dont feel involved at all.i was once even thinkin of quittin being a librarian.i think so many people can do an even better job.i've always had confidence in myself doing a good job.but somehow..i dont now.i just feel so not like a librarian.and everytime when we take scores to give out,why is it always that people will ask steffi but not me..?can see one lor,weitheng wanted scores and he would just ask steffi and she will just stand up and go take.what about me?nobody ask scores from me before,except those one or two parts only..and if steffi is there,they will ask her,and it wont be my turn.its kinda hurtful,but i'm trying hard not to think about it.i think its my character because i'm always a 'leader'..but now shes more a 'leader' in library,so i'm not used to it.be it in 3rds or class,i've always been a 'leader',as in..the one who ordered people around.haa.ya..so i'm really tryin very hard to change this part of me now..but maybe i think library one person is actually enough to control.

hmm,city slickers/sleekers coming up.havent even thought of what to do yet.and i thought it would be yujie with me,but now she cant,so its like..nobody to nag me ard to do things earlier.now with ying and cally.sure last minute kind.but used to it le.haa.but i kind of dont like the feelin of not being prepared..i want so much for people to enjoy themselves at our station and get the deepest impression of.

really trying very hard to bring band people to church..and i seriously hope they will!

yulan bought a bag.and i'm kind of excited to see it.haha.(: