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if there is anything in life, that i am always finding it hard to come to terms with, is this word called 'change'. i am not a 'change' person. never am. i take a longgggg time to adapt to change. and i take an even longer time to prep myself to 'change'.

and even as i evaluated myself, i found that i can be so stuck in the past, hoping that things wont change, that it affected how i react presently. i am sometimes, in my own world so much so that i can like kinda psycho myself things havent changed. yeap, that phrase probably is for me to 'move on'.

and the one thing that is making me so apprehensive about going to china, is probably this word too. i am so afraid that when i return, so much will change. in my relationships, in anything. and that is one thing that is stopping me from going. and it sucks even more when i know, theres nothing i can do about it.

yeah i know. people can keep going on about how, change is good, change is the only constant, etc. being stuck in the past isnt good, we must look to the future etc. but come on, this is just me. this is one of my weak points. i am always caught off guard when it comes to changes. i always create my own perfect little world in my imagination when things havent changed.


i guess everyone's mad in their own way.