J resigned today. Y is going to, tmr. so far, i've witnessed 9 people leaving. had alot of feelings and thoughts abt the whole thing, but it kinda got lost somewhere. there are... 6 more weeks left. and these 5 months seem like the hardest going ever in my life. i've never met anyone like this in my life, other than my dad. but that was entirely different. was just kinda reflecting on the whole thing.

realised that sometimes, even when you gave your best, it doesnt mean that it'll be appreciated and often it goes unnoticed. i've got so many awesome leaders over me in church, that for a period of time, i couldnt comprehend how can anyone really be that mean outside church. maybe i've always been in a sheltered, encouraging place, so when placed in such a negative environment, i had alot of problems and issues at first.

what i was super discouraged about at first, was that i felt i wasnt being really recognized for who i am, what i am good at. and that sucks. being deemed as this impossible and 没有用 person, it wasnt exactly the most flattering place to go to everyday.

but after taking time to reflect and think through, the existence of such people in my life is necessary. it is precisely these kinda people in your life that sifts the good out in you. it has the opposite effect, it brings out much positivity than negativity.

i asked J a few days ago, so what have you learned while working here. she answered, she learnt how to obey and submit, even when she really dont want to. and i was quite impressed.

to others, it may seem foolish to obey and submit to someone such as this. the normal reaction would be, to talk back, argue back, fight. but if you were to think more, it produces much patience in you. and just like what another colleague said, 'you learn how to be bullet-proof'.

even at the end of the day, i think the greatest lesson i've learnt is that my life and abilities are not defined by what others may think or say. i know what i am good at, and i'm proud of it. if you have this absolute confidence in you, nothing can get you down. so i'm at peace, i'm totally fine, and i will endure for these 6 weeks.

just like what my ex-colleague said, i may not learn anything while i am here, but at least i learnt what NOT to do.


sometimes, the greatest naysayer may be your greatest encourager.