it was a really surreal experience on thurs. realised everything had to happen 'in spite of'. no matter how scared/anxious i am, things still have to go on.

probably it is very hard for anyone to understand, but i have had lots of mixed feelings these couple of days. 'what ifs' and fears, mixed with lots of other stuff. got me quite messed up that i needed to distract myself today, by.. guess what? painting my nails and doing random stuff like making a tissue flower.

feeling of aloneness is pretty evident esp today. so i kinda slept it all away. helps when the painkillers do have drowsiness effects. scared for the week to come, if you were to ask me. but.. hope for the better yeah?

only good thing about being 'sick' is that somehow, you have the rights to demand anything. today i just randomly smsed my mum to tell her that i'm craving for spaghetti and asked if shes cooking tonight. she replied, 'be home at 6'. and voila! came home with all the sauces and she whipped up such a big bowl of spaghetti with all my fave mushrooms and egg and tomatoes. it was yummy. felt x1000 better instantly.



gonna try to take a bath now. wish me luck.