复.

有时候会顿时忘了

但突然想起时，又会重新感受那忧伤


我现在可能真的不是真正快乐，

时间会冲淡一切吧？但愿时间对我友善点，让我尽快复原。

Some days are okay, some days are bearable,
some days I still crash, some days I still fail. 

Maybe the whole pain of it all is that it was so unexpected and unpredictable. And that makes it all the more harder to swallow. 

Probably the hardest thing is also, there is no shortcut through this. Just got to go through the whole emotional tidal wave, the whole tsunami of what-ifs, and pray that I will still be standing at the end of it all. I need time, yet time is also what makes it worse. 

Ironies of life. 

All these are real and new to me. The failings and imperfections of mankind. I never thought I would need to learn all these lessons anew. 

Yet... There is always a yet... Yet, Lord, make me wiser, more dependent on You. 
My prayer for this season. 

Day: End.

10 months ago, at this exact place.


I have many questions bogging my head. 
But at the end, it is a journey of acceptance and surrender.


It hurts because it mattered, because I gave my all, I tried my best.


Nights when I question Him, why?
I've accepted I wouldn't be getting my answer now.
Life is lived forwards but understood backwards.



And in the wise words of someone I respect a lot,
One day, your heart will heal, and God will make sense of it all.


I am waiting for that day... Surviving on pure Grace.

Day 8

And I'm beginning to gain a deeper understanding on: Be kind to one another, for everyone has their own battles to fight.

Sometimes, we think we know, but we REALLY don't. It's so different to have experienced something, and truly understand it deeper. 

It is one thing to read about something, think you understand a situation, but so different when you really understand what they are actually feeling through the incident. Life and relationships are so complicated, sometimes you really do not know what/how they are where they are, unless you are in their shoes. 

We all do need lots of grace in our lives... It's not easy.

Day 6.

So it has been quite a tormenting 2 weeks…

So much to say, think, feel, reflect, and change. So much to cry and dwell about too, so much courage needed to be bare, raw and honest, it’s not easy.


At the end of the day, when the cloud clears, I pray that we will still see the good. And the good has a lot to fight for, to work hard for. This is the lowest I/we can get, and I pray that we will pull through.

It's my deepest desire to live simply.

Day 1

“I know this much: that there is objective time, but also subjective time, the kind you wear on the inside of your wrist, next to where the pulse lies. And this personal time, which is the true time, is measured in your relationship to memory.” - Julian Barnes, The Sense of an Ending


Time doesn't have value in itself. It's the things that we associate it with - our feelings, thoughts, emotions, that in turn makes it into a memory. 

At the end of the day... We have nothing. Only these memories that stay with us. And the funny thing is, we humans CHOOSE those memories that we want to remember.

And I am still praying... the good will remain.

Day 0.

Cliche, but true: "Pain demands to be felt."

I think this has been a very trying year for me, that I juggle between being brave, brutally honest with myself, and facing my monsters.

There were days I don't think I'll have enough courage to face the world...

And... even as I feel like I've taken a faith leap into the unknown, I trust that You have my world in Your hands. I am safe...

Life is ironic. We lose what we hold the tightest. And life throws challenges at you to make you lose equilibrium, and you realize, what you held tightest, will hurt you instead.